Chapter 60

For a single searing minute, Julie stared at her husband. Oh my God, my poor darling.

All animosity forgotten, she put her arms around him. Luc pressed his face against her breast, shoulders heaving convulsively.

“If only one person had said, Tell me, Luc, let’s talk about it. Instead they gave me pills…and when I’d get angry and have a tantrum, they let me have my way.”

They never let you cry, did they? Refused to speak of it…oh, my poor, tortured darling. She held him until the tears stopped, then tugged him to his feet.

“Come on, Luc. Sit down.”

Obediently, Luc sat beside her. He swiped clumsily at his eyes, snuffling slightly, then looked at her through tear-spiked lashes.

“Now then.” She tried to sound matter-of-fact and calm, when what she wanted to do was burst into tears also. “Tell me what happened. Exactly.”

“I can’t.” Shame set in.

“Yes, you can,” she encouraged, as if he were Merry. “I know you went out on the balcony. Why? You never go out on the veranda, if you can help it. Why did you go that specific night?”

He swallowed loudly, looked away, then turned back to meet her eyes. “I heard her singing.”

“Your mother was singing?”

“Oui.” Luc closed his eyes, seeing it again. “It woke me.”

* * *

It was a song she and Étienne often sang. Under Paris Skies.

Rubbing his eyes, he got out of bed and tiptoed onto the veranda. The bricks were cold to his bare feet.

* * *

“Maman was standing at the balustrade.”

* * *

She was dressed in a white nightgown, the bulge that was the new baby round and evident. Gran’père had told them they should be grateful for this baby, that it was a part of Papa, and with its birth, he and Michel and the baby would make Étienne live again. Secretly, Luc hoped it was a girl. He wanted a little sister.

* * *

“She was doing something strange. She had her medicine bottle and was taking out the pills and placing them on the flat top of the wall, one at a time.”

* * *

She hummed as she did so. When she finished, she opened the champagne bottle and poured some into a glass. Champagne had been Papa’s drink. They had it when he won a race. Even Luc and Michel were allowed a sip.

Selecting a pill, she placed it in her mouth and swallowed some champagne, repeating the process, again and again. Luc started to worry. Surely that many pills weren’t good for her. As she drank, she whispered in that low, quiet German accent, “Soon, my darling Étienne, soon. I’m sorry to leave les enfantes, but I can’t… Étienne, I can’t face it without you.”

She leaned against the balustrade and when she moved away, she staggered slightly as if she were dizzy. One hand to her forehead, she took another drink from the fluted glass and whirled away, skirts moving about her legs as she danced in little circles, still humming.

By now, Luc was frightened, but he didn’t speak. As yet, she hadn’t seen him.

She pulled herself up onto the wall-ledge, and sat there, wavering slightly, muttering in an undertone, “Étienne, mon Dieu, je t’adore, mon Coeur. I wish it would hurry.”

* * *

“I couldn’t stand it any longer. I stepped out of the shadows and called out to her.”

* * *

“Maman?”

“Luc!” She looked toward him startled but smiling. “Oh, mon pauvre, now, I can tell you au ’voir.”

She gave him a hurried kiss on the forehead and a quick hug, then backed away. Swinging her feet onto the wall, she stood, balancing on it.

She began to walk along the wall. Just like the tight-wire walker Luc had seen at the circus Maman and Papa had taken him to. One foot in front of the other, arms outstretched.

That day, he’d been so frightened the man would fall. When Maman nearly slipped, then caught herself, one hand going to her head, he cried out.

“Maman! What are you doing? You’re going to fall.” He ran toward her, arms outstretched.

“I’m going away, darling” She dodged his embrace. “To be with your Papa.”

With one hand, he swept glass and bottle off the railing, hearing them smash against the bricks. His mother flinched and reached for the medicine bottle. So did Luc, slapping her hand away as she touched it. She recoiled, and he pushed her away. He looked down at the medicine bottle sitting on the wall, reaching for it. She twisted, leaning backward, eyes closing, knees buckling…

…falling off the wall, golden hair flying, arms flailing, disappearing in a swirl of white draperies as Luc grabbed at her skirt.

His hand closed around the soft fabric. It slid through his fingers and he stared at empty air, hearing the dull sound as his mother’s body struck the courtyard below.

“Maman!”

There was a scream behind him as he ran down the steps. Mattie and Gran’père cried out as they saw him kneeling beside his mother, cradling her head against his chest, his pajamas and hands spotted with her blood.

* * *

“When the police came, they wouldn’t let them talk to me. Afterward, whenever Maman’s name was mentioned, I’d scream and cry and Old Dr. Mark would give me some kind of injection,” Luc finished with a watery sigh. “…to make me sleep, keep me calm, make me sane. He wanted Gran’père to send me to a psychiatrist but he refused.”

“Oh, Luc.” Impulsively, she hugged him again. “I’m so, so sorry.”

His lifted her hand, staring at it, then pressed it against his chest, his eyes holding hers. “I’m such a total fuck-up, but at this point, I don’t know how much is my fault and how much everyone else’s. I guess I’m adult enough now to admit I can’t keep blaming my trouble on other people. Bet you didn’t expect anything like this when you signed on, did you Julie?”

Instead of answering, she kissed him. When she pulled away, she said, “I think this definitely comes under For better or for worse. Don’t you?”

“Is that a rhetorical question?” He shrugged. “Anyway, that has nothing to do with our problem…or is it merely mine? Don’t let pity sidetrack you.”

“Did you mean what you said, Luc? Do you really love me?”

“I should’ve told you sooner. I’ve tried to, but somehow, I couldn’t say it, until now. Guess I’m a coward. I had to have it forced out of me. Julie, I’ll tear up the contract, I’ll do whatever you ask. Recognize Clarice’s child and provide for it. Say anything you want me to. Just don’t leave me.”

“I love you, too, Luc. I’m sorry it took something like this to make us both admit it.” The words were spoken softly, as if to herself.

“Will you forgive me. About Clarice, I mean?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know.” She looked as she had when he walked into their bedroom.

“I-I thought she was you, I swear.”

“That’s going to take some explaining.”

“Do you really want to know what happened? How your husband was such a stupid, drunken sex-crazed fool?”

“No, I don’t want to know. But if it’ll make me understand, I guess I have to.”

Taking a deep breath, Luc told her everything, quickly and without any excuses…and of that one word stabbing through to his brain, bringing with it total sobriety.

“I knew you’d never say that. It was as if I was hit with a bucket of ice water. I tried to stop, but it was too late.” He flushed, released her hands and studied his own.

“Someday,” Julie said between gritted teeth. “Some one’s going to murder that woman.”

Luc didn’t answer, just sat there in guilty misery.

“Is there any chance the baby might not be yours?”

“Michel says he saw us. Do you think he’d have sex with her after that?” He flung the question at her. “Besides, they’ve been married eight years.”

“But there is a chance.” Suddenly, she felt so weary. Did it matter if the baby was Luc’s? Did anything matter? God, I’m so confused. I wish it’d all go away.

“I don’t believe that, but I don’t care.” Now that he’d told her everything, Luc was prepared to accept the blame. “All I want to know is if you can forgive me.”

“I suppose I should be flattered that you love me so.” She gave him a matter-of-fact stare. “But you’re going to have to work hard to make that happen, Luc.”

“I don’t deserve you, chérie.” He looked so relieved and humble she wanted to seize his shoulders and shake him.

“You certainly don’t,” she agreed.

“Why do I feel so good now? As if… Is this some kind of epiphany?” He gave her a stare holding something she couldn’t define. “Perhaps confession really is good for the soul. God, I’m so damned glad to get all this out into the open.”

Glancing at the clock on the bedside table, Julie saw it was a little past six in the morning. No wonder I’m so tired. I’ve been up all night. She pressed a hand to her back. As if I don’t have enough problems, now I’m getting a backache, too. God, it hurts. Guess all that’s happened might qualify as a good reason for a little anxiety.

“Before Gran’père’s back home, you and Michel and I will sit down and hash this out. I mean, you and Michel will. I’ll act as referee to make sure you two don’t kill each other. We’ll decide what to do about Clarice and the baby and how to tell Gran’père. Get it settled once and for all. Afterward, I think we should go back to Dallas.”

“Where we can be happy?”

“Where we’ll work on being happy,” she corrected. “Maybe professional counseling will be needed, too.”

Luc managed a crooked little smile. “Dieu, you’re really a whirlwind when you take charge, aren’t you, chérie?”

Only when I’m fighting for the people I love. “I’m afraid, my darling, you haven’t really seen Hurricane Julie in action.” Julie told him.

A spasm of pain twisted through her, slashing across her thoughts. Liquid trickled down the inside of one thigh, spattering the floor.

“Oh damn…” Getting to her feet, Julie staggered to the door and through it into the hall.

“Julie, what is it?” Luc was right behind her.

Luckily, Harrison was in the upper hallway. She’d never realized the old man was awake so early. He looked startled to see her.

“Harrison, would you have James bring the limo around, please?” She was surprised by how calm she sounded, even managing a brief smile as she placed a hand on her husband’s arm. “Don’t worry, Luc, I’m only going into labor.”

“Only…” Luc went white. He actually staggered and clutched the banister. Harrison reacted better. He simply nodded and started down the stairs.

“And Harrison?”

He paused, looking back.

“Be sure to tell Merry where I am. So she doesn’t worry. Oh…and Mr. Michel had a reaction last night. Keep an eye on him, please.”

That’s right, Julie, she chided herself as another pain uncoiled. Look out for all the children here, especially the adult ones.

“Julie.” Behind her, Luc had recovered but barely. “Never mind that. Let’s get you to the hospital.”

She turned to look at him. “Only if you let me drive. I don’t think you’re in any condition.”