Chapter 8: Why Does Love Always Feel Like a Battlefield

Jada stood at the foyer of the mansion and watched Luke fight another man for a woman. A man identical to himself, except for the color of his hair, the larger build of his body, the light scar across his face, and the kindness in his eyes. A gentleness that was not overshadowed by the anger and sadness that burned bright within them. 

Luke was fighting for a woman who wasn’t Jada, what a cruel joke.

Jada watched as the other man lifted his fist into the air and brought it down hard on Luke’s jaw, causing Luke to stumble back into a wall. 

AJ, Katherine’s husband, had come with them when Katherine had received the emergency call. Jada happened to be in the room and Katherine had presented her with the offer of seeing Luke again, one that she immediately took and was now wishing she had turned down. AJ rushed to Chris’s side at the same time another blonde man held him against the wall his brother had just knocked him into. While two other men, one who looked Italian and the Samoan held Luke’s lookalike with difficulty. Duke stood in between his two brothers, his arms raised to each of them, his stormy scowl enough to make anyone pause.

“Kit!” Katherine called from Jada’s side before rushing to join Duke. Jada wondered if this was what their childhood was like.

“Why did you hit Chris?” Katherine demanded.

Kit and Chris, Jada said their names in her head. 

Behind the chaos that was unfolding, Jada saw five women huddled together, one of them sobbing uncontrollably while the others tried to comfort her. She already knew who the crying one was, but she wondered who the other women were. 

Jada took in the whole picture and almost laughed at herself. She had escaped the drama at home and landed herself into a whole theatre production. Her gaze roamed the room and for an instant, they met with Kit’s, and that was when she saw it.

A war was waging in Kit’s head. One second his gaze was as it should be, filled with hot rage with fire leaping behind his pupils, and the next, they were blank, as if he had been transported to another place. And the more the men struggled to restrain him, the worse it got.

Jada recognized the look, the worse of it, the calm before the storm, and the gradual loss of a battle. Her father used to be that way. He would scream into the nothingness, fighting shadows and ghosts only he could see, shaking his head and covering his ears to block echoes only he could hear. Her father’s arms would flay unseeing, and often he would injure himself and only once it was Jada who was harmed. That night an eerie calm followed her father’s episode.

Nina and her mother were always afraid to go near him. Jada was frightened whenever her father got like that, but she was more afraid of the demons that were chasing after him. Jada would stay with him, huddled in a corner and watch. Her strong desire to save him, but not having a clue how to do it, was what kept her in the room. 

The one time she had intervened, was the last. 

Her father’s trigger was yelling. He always had his episodes whenever he was arguing with her mother. Helena had a talent of driving people to the brink of insanity and her father suffered for it. Whenever their parents argued, her father had fought to stay in the present, just as Kit was doing right now.

Kit looked like he was losing the battle as the calm began to disappear. His eyes glazed over and his breathing became labored. The past was beginning to claim him and freeze him in place. Whatever Luke had done had triggered him and they needed to diffuse him instead of wrestling a live grenade to the ground.

“Jada?” She heard Luke’s startled gasp.

Jada rushed to Kit, ignoring Luke as he advanced towards her. She ran her hand across Kit’s brow and felt the sheen of cool sweat, a huge contradiction to how his skin burned under her touch. Kit froze and looked at her for a moment like he was coming back to himself. His eyes raked her from top to toe then he held her gaze with an intense look. Jada didn’t dare blink, afraid of breaking the connection. But when the Samoan pulled on his arm, he sent Kit back to the darkness even further.

“Let go!” Jada demanded as she shook the two men off Kit. Jada, calm down, she said to herself. This isn’t Daddy. 

“Jada,” the sternness in Duke’s voice told her that he didn’t expect any arguments, but Jada wasn’t about to step back.

“Just take a deep breath,” she said desperately. Kit seemed to hear her, he stared at her once more as if searching his memory for any recognition but failed.

“Jada,” this time it was Luke who called out to her. 

“Don’t come near him, Luke. You’re only going to set him off,” Jada said in a harsh whisper. She was trying to re-establish a connection with Kit again, something she had never succeeded in doing with her father, but it wasn’t working. 

Jada looked at the women still huddled together and decided to take a not so calculated risk. This wasn’t going to be like her father, Kit was still here. He just needed someone to pull him back into the light, hold him there until he could find solid ground on his own.

Just as Kit started for Luke again, Jada pulled the wailing girl in front of him. Treating her like a puppet, she took both of her hands, laid one on Kit’s chest and the other on his cheek.

“Call to him” Jada whispered against the girl’s ears whose cries had now turned into hiccups.

“Kit,” her voice was weak and it trembled. But it had been strong enough to pierce through his fog.

“Danny,” his tone was soft and his eyes focused. Everything except the calm she had seen before had disappeared and a gentleness replaced them.

Jada let out a breath of relief, she instantly knew that he had returned. She had no clue what she was doing but it worked. If only it had worked on her father. The accomplishment she had felt was quickly replaced by sadness and guilt.

Jada watched as AJ and the crying girl-led Kit out of the room. She was now standing in a room full of strangers who were all gawking at her as if she suddenly grew a third eye.

“That was reckless and irresponsible. You could have been hurt,” Duke yelled.

“Uh-huh, and what you guys were doing was working out so well,” Jada said sarcastically.

Duke’s gaze settled on her, as if trying to intimidate her. But Jada wasn’t going to back down. Ever since her father died, she had felt useless, but tonight after helping Kit a little life had been breathed back into her.

“I liked it better when you were afraid of me,” Duke said with a grin.

“Well, Jessica says your bark is worse than your bite,” she chuckled.

“Jessica?” One of the women stepped into Duke’s side and wrapped an arm around him possessively. She looked Hawaiian and had an uncanny resemblance to both the Samoan and the crying girl. They must be related, Jada thought.

“Yes Jessica, I met her in Duke’s office,” Jada hid her smile as the girl’s arm tightened around Duke. This must be the fiancé. Beautiful in an innocent kind of way. A complete opposite of Jessica’s stunning features. Maybe this was Duke’s type. They do give beauty and the beast sort of vibe.

“I’m Rayne, Duke’s fiancé.” She introduced herself and let Duke go long enough to give her a rushed hug.

“I thought so,” Jada said.

“You’ve heard about me,” Rayne asked her gaze narrowed questioning Jada.

“Something like that,” Jada mumbled.

“From Jessica?”

Jada cleared her throat and mumbled once more, “Something like that.”

Duke grin and then chuckled, earning him a swat on his chest from his fiancé.

“Anyway,” Rayne abandoned Duke and moved to Jada’s side. “I’m Danny’s sister. Danny is Kit’s wife. The girl you did the hand on the heart thing. Where did you learn that you’ll have to teach me? Men around here get a little hot-headed sometimes.”

Jada smiled in response.

“You already know Duke, Kat, and AJ.” Rayne led her to Luke, and a wave of unexplainable anger began to sizzle under her skin. “This is Christopher, their brother.”

“Yup! I’ve met this one before, but he had a different name.” Jada said. She had half expected Luke to be ashamed or show some sign of regret, but nothing. He just glared back at her with a cocky grin and a bloodied lip.

“Okay,” Rayne said acknowledging there was more there, but not daring to ask. She took Jada to the other side of the room and introduced her to her brothers, Reno and DJ, and their wives Lisette and Evie, as well as the other couple Ethan and Catalella.

It was now her turn to introduce herself, “I’m Jada Williams, currently unemployed, ran away from family drama and in a shit load of trouble that I am hoping Duke will help me with.”

“Why me?” Duke asked.

“Jessica said that once you got the proof you needed, you’d help me.” Jada spared a glance at Luke and shook her head in regret. She had come to New York to find him and ended up with a man she didn’t recognize. She had no way of knowing how he would react to the pregnancy; he would probably abandon her. Her best bet was with Duke. “Plus, Jessica told me I could trust you.”

“Jessica!” Rayne mumbled and Duke winced.

“Duke?” Reno’s voice heavy with intent filled the air. DJ stood at his side his arms crossed over his chest, both men glaring at Duke. The overprotective older brothers, Jada instantly liked them. Danny and Rayne were lucky to have them, and Jada wondered if her life would have been easier if she had a big brother in her corner.

“Why did you come to New York?” Catalella asked. She was one of two lawyers, the other being DJ, and her profession was rearing its ugly head.

“I got lost,” Jada said flatly in a tone that she hoped communicated that she didn’t want to discuss her private matters anymore. “So, do you guys have arranged marriages to keep the wealth in the family circle, or is this marrying each other’s siblings’ thing a complete coincidence?”

***

Kit stared at his hands, expecting to see them shake, but nothing. There was no sign of the episode he had just had moments before. He was still confused by the sudden turn of events as AJ fussed over him. He looked into Danny’s watery eyes, no fear, just relief reflected in them. Usually, by this time, she would be hiding in her bedroom or seeking safety in her brothers or Duke. But this time, she sat with him conceding albeit shaky but confident smile.

“How are you feeling?” AJ asked as he seriously studied him.

“I’m okay,” Kit said honestly.

Just take a deep breath. It wasn’t the words she said, but how she said them. When those words left her lips all he could envision was Brian beside him, calming him down before a mission. He did it every time they had received his orders. Kit as always on edge because he was in situations he couldn’t control. It wasn’t until he enlisted did Kit realize what an obsession he had with control. 

Kit knew he was about to have an episode when his heart started pounding in his ears and his breaths became short, panicked spurt. Nothing that Chris was saying was new to him. He knew how Danny had become after he was declared MIA. Guilt, so ugly and vicious reared his head, and yet he still in control. It was when Chris claimed the boys were his that was when he lost it. The tremble began in his stomach and bled outward until his legs quaked, his fists shook and the chatter in his teeth would only stop when he clenched his jaw. 

Chris was here to do what he did best, take the things he loved most away from Kit. Kit went into battle mode and attacked his brother. It was like he was floating outside his body, above himself watching this tortured beast attack a man he had shared the womb with as if he was a stranger, an enemy. His PTSD had come to light when he found out that Brian had died, it escalated after he thought Chris was dead and became a demon on its own when he returned to New York to deal with the past. When Chris said he would take the boys away, his body burned with a heat he didn’t recognize, and for the first time since he returned, he saw his kin as his enemy.

But then something strange happened. Kit found himself staring into the most beautiful and calming blue and brown freckled eyes.

“Her eyes,” Kit mumbled more to himself than to the two other people in the room with him. There was a stillness in her that seemed to rescue him from the chaos going on around him. Her eyes were a swirl of colors that made it look like he was staring at the image of a galaxy. However, they weren’t like the vacuum that space offered but the embrace that the ocean would. In an instant he went from warring with his consciousness to being enveloped in a calm, he was still within that darkness that often haunted him, but he was fine, he felt warm and safe. It was Danny’s frightened voice that had shocked the protective part of him to life, demanding a reaction from him, asking for that same feeling of safety that the stranger ad offered him.

Those eyes, so expressive and yet so still. 

Like what followed the torment of a raging ocean. The girl seemed to have gone through the worst of life and what was left in her was a peace that no one could steal from her. She was content, in reconciliation and harmony with fate and with life.

“Hey,” Danny’s soft voice pulled him out of his head. “I’m going to check on the boys, I’ll be right back.”

Kit nodded, and waited until she had left before turning to AJ and asking, “Who was that girl?”

“Jada,” AJ cleared his throat then snorted. “She’s from some town. She and Chris had a fling, but Chris gave her a fake name.”

“So, she came to find him, and how did she find him?” When it came to Chris cautious curiosity had to be exercised.

“She said she found a card under his bed.”

“What aren’t you saying?” Kit didn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to discern that AJ was holding something back.

“She came to find him because she’s pregnant,” AJ grinned despite himself. “I’m not sure she knows what she got herself into with Chris.”

“It doesn’t matter. That’s what we are here for, Duke and me. I take responsibility for his messes and Duke cleans them up,” Kit said. He had spent most of his life being Chris’s fixer, it annoyed him. But being responsible for Jada, he was surprised at how willing he was to do it, and by the look on his face so was AJ.

“The child is a Henry. We take care of our own,” Kit said with sworn purpose. 

“Children,” AJ said. “She’s having twins.”

***

Chris sat across the room from Jada and just watched her. A myriad of confusing emotions swirled in his chest. He wasn’t sure he was happy to see her or not. What he knew was that he was completely confused. What was she doing here, how did she get here and how did she find out about his real identity? He was even more confused by the way Kat was fussing over her and how Duke seemed to watch her every move.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice booming above the chatter in the room.

Jada turned to face him. A hush fell over the room as the two of them stared at each other as if in a fierce battle of wits. Chris was looking for something that he couldn’t find in her blank stare. 

The smile that hid fear. 

The eyes that hid pain.

The face that hid nothing. 

Instead, he found zilch.

Then she laughed, a sound so cold, sharp and icy like the tip of an ice pick, “I came to find you, Luke.”

“Come with me,” Chris ordered.

“No,” she said defiantly, her eyes challenging him.

“What are you doing in New York?” Chris asked with more force than he intended, but the woman was driving him crazy.

“Didn’t you hear? I got lost.” Jada’s flat tone and unblinking stare made him feel weak.

Chris sat quietly for a moment dealing with his slowly building anger. He got up walked across the room, took Jada by her elbow, and pulled her up to her feet. He was about to drag her out of the room when his brother intervened. Duke lay a commanding hand on his that held in a tight grip. His face a study of pale and dark fury that told Chris that Duke had reached his patience quota of the day and wasn’t about to allow him more grace.

Chris’s gaze moved to Jada’s. He looked into her eyes and found the calm after the storm. There was something different about her.

“You’ve changed,” he said under his breath.

“You have no idea how much,” she said with a tone that made him uneasy.

“Let go,” Chris said to Duke. “I won’t hurt her, Jada knows that as well, that’s why she is doing her best to irritate me.”

As if to confirm what he said, Jada tilted her head to the side and grinned. 

How is it that she knew exactly what to do to get so deep into his skin, it left him unsettled? Chris was never himself around her, he was this person that she thought he was. He always felt it was safer that way between them. That was the only way he could keep his feelings from getting hurt. However, Jada had always been Jada. So, he thought he knew her well enough to figure out what she was hiding.

“Did they kick you out?” He asked, softening his tone. He still had her in his grasp, just as Duke had him in his, but he was going to take a different approach. Just for her, he was going to be Luke Evans and not Christopher Henry.

“Darrell’s been watching too many episodes of sister wives. Nina wasn’t into the happy threesome concept, so they kicked me out.” The corners of her mouth turned into a grin.

She wasn’t angry or sad, Chris realized. Jada seemed resolved like she had abandoned herself to fate and whatever happened, happened. But that didn’t explain her sudden confidence. The tight grip on his arm, offered him a reason why-Duke.

“How did you find my brother?” Chris asked, his gaze settled on Duke’s. For the first time in his life, Chris felt animosity towards his eldest brother.

“A card in your cottage.”

Chris didn’t turn back to Jada as she spoke. He kept his eyes on Duke. “Why didn’t you tell me she was here?”

“Do you care?” Duke challenged him.

Words of anger sat on Chris’ tongue making his throat thick, the exclamation broke the thickness of his throat. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Before he could get an answer Danny walked into the room. She gave him a wide berth and settled between her brother’s and in her sister’s embrace. 

Duke let go of Chris then and turned his attention to Danny. “How is he?”

Danny let out a heavy sigh, “Strangely okay.”

“What set him off?” Reno asked.

“He did,” Danny said.

Chris still had his gaze fixed on Jada. He didn’t need to look up to know that Danny mentioned was him. He could also feel the eyes of the whole room settled on him. He didn’t care. They could think about whatever they wanted. He had bigger concerns at that moment.

“What did you say to him?” Duke asked Chris.

“He said that the boys were his,” Chris could hear the emotion in Danny’s voice. But he didn’t seem to care.

The question presented itself once more, and now that Jada was here the answer was so clear. Did he want Danny because Kit had her or did he have feelings for her? He didn’t. Now that Jada was here, he was sure that he did all this to annoy Kit for being Kit and aggravate Danny for choosing Kit. 

“They are not,” Catalella spoke up. “Danny, we were all there, we saw how broken you were when Kit disappeared. There is no way that you could have slept with Chris.”

“According to Chris, there were times that I saw him as Kit,” Danny went on. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Just because they are twins doesn’t mean that everything about them is identical,” Lisette offered.

“We were going to have a fresh start before Chris turned up. Now I don’t know if Kit will still love me or want me now that he knows I betrayed him,” Danny sobbed. 

“Do you want to pitch in, they are talking about you,” Jada’s lips pulled into a grin that crinkled the skin around her eyes.

“I’m more curious about you,” Chris smiled back. “Why are you here and what did Duke offer you?”

“Something that you are incapable of giving.”

Chris felt his lips begin to curve into a predatory grin. He dropped her arm and snaked his other arm around her waist and pulled her against his body. “Where is that timid girl I met at the beach?”

A smile passed over her lips as she shrugged.

“Enough!” Duke bellowed.

“How did you do that?” Kit’s soft voice followed.

Chris noticed how the hardened expression Jada afforded him, instantly turned gentle when she turned to face Kit. It annoyed him. And when Danny left her sister’s embrace and stepped into Kit’s it didn’t affect him at all. 

“Do what?” Jada tried to push out of Chris’s arms.

“Find me, calm me down?” Kit took a step towards Jada and Danny followed.

“My father was in the army,” Dany said and Kit nodded with understanding. 

Chris noticed the look of recognition that Kit and Jada shared. Like they had a pain only the two of them knew.

“I read a lot of books and watched so many documentaries on PTSD that I could be considered an expert,” Jada said and Chris finally saw it, the smile that hid fear, the eyes that hid pain and the face that hid nothing.

This was the Jada he knew, the one who exposed her emotions to the world but hid her greatest fears deep within her. Who was afraid of being herself because she didn’t know her true self, she was too busy being who her mother and sister wanted her to be. The timid girl who cosplayed as a brave and daring woman. This was his Jada; this was the Jada he could deal with easily.

“I tried it on my daddy it didn’t work out so well. But it worked today and that’s all that matters,” Jada’s voice trailed off and her body slumped. Chris held her against his own, not as a show of force but support. 

“What happened to your father?” Danny asked a frightened expression on her face.

Chris knew Jada’s father was dead, but never knew the details of his death. But the way Jada’s body trembled in his arms, he didn’t want to know. He didn’t want her to say it out loud, let alone think it if it would cause her so much pain. A strange eddy of fear and desperation fizzled in his chest, not from himself but Jada. How was it that he felt so connected to her?

 “For the longest time my father could still hear the echoes, I believe till the day he died he heard them. It wasn’t the loud noises that would set him off, it was the little sound. I guess it’s because it reminded him of the click, drag and snap.” Jada’s voice wasn’t more than a whisper but he heard every word she said as her brokenness and pain made it seem like she was shouting. She looked just as haunted ad Kit did. “The click of the safety, the drag of the trigger, and the snap when his finger released.”

“Your father was a sniper,” Kit said with understanding. 

“Yeah,” she nodded as her throat thickened with emotion. Tears welled up in Jada’s eyes, and when they rolled on her cheeks, she didn’t attempt to brush them away or hide them like she had done so many times when they were together. 

Kit understood. 

But Chris didn’t.

“The rest of it,” she took in a deep breath. “It was only when he went to sleep did he hear the shot and feels the kickback against his shoulder. Every day I would see him grab his shoulder when it bothered him, but he never got treatment for it. I think he wore the pain as a reminder when all I wanted was for him to forget. I just wanted my dad back.”

“It’s not that he didn’t want to-,”

“He just couldn’t.”

Kit and Jada were forming a connection, Chris stiffened at that realization and held Jada tighter. Panic ripped through hi, his heart raced, skipping and sinking. What the hell is wrong with me?

“You’re hurting her!” Kit’s voice came out fierce as he took an imposing step towards them. Reno and DJ jumped in between them as AJ and Ethan grabbed Kit from behind.

“Don’t grab him, don’t fight him. You’ll trigger him!” Jada yelled as she fought against his embrace.

Chris noted the curious looks they directed towards Jada. AJ and Ethan stepped back from Kit but Reno and DJ didn’t move. They were all just as surprised as himself at the familiarity and care they two seemed to share when they had known each other for five minutes.

It was Duke that ended the fight for them. He looked back from Kit and Chris and said, “Choose.”

Kit’s arm wrapped around Danny and Chris’s hold on Jada tightened.

“We won’t have this discussion again, be sure,” Duke warned. It was like they were kids fighting over toys and their big brother had given them a chance to pick their favorite and stick with it.

To show how sure he was, Chris picked Jada up in his arms and walked towards the front door, ignoring her protests. He turned gave one final look at his family, his gaze lingering over Kit and Danny. Then he turned back and walked out. The door slammed shut behind him, announcing the closure of a chapter in his life, as he walked forward into the unknown.