CHAPTER FIFTEEN: ETHAN ' POV

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: ETHAN ' POV


"Dinah…” I managed, but it came out hollow. Useless. Too little, way too late.

She took a slow step forward, her face unreadable. “Is this what I think it is?”

I didn't say a word. I couldn't. I never thought I'd ever see her like this… so quiet, so peaceful, like the calm before an earthquake.

She laughed unsteadily, with no amusement in it. "You know what is funny? I got a text. Somebody informed me that you were with another person.

I said to myself they were lying, I denied and then I boarded a plane. I took the fucking first flight Ethan, all along saying to myself I will discredit the text. But what did I find?"

Liam shifted uncomfortably next to me but wisely remained silent.

She shot him a glare, then directed her glare at me. "I found you fucking my cousin. Of all people… of all the people you could've cheated on me with, you slept with him?"

"Dinah, please…" I attempted again, but she cut through the air with her hand to silence me.

"My cousin! Even if you do not respect me, don't you have some decency?" she spat, her voice rising now. "Who would have thought?"

Her hands trembled, and I saw her clamp them into fists, as if that would keep the pain from spilling out.

"I don't know what I did to deserve this," she whispered. "But I swear to you… you'll pay for it. This isn't the end. Not for me. And not for you, that's for certain."

She turned, then, and left, shutting the door behind her.

The moment the door shut behind Diana, the air solidified.

I was left standing, half-naked, with the sound of her voice still resonating in my ears. What the hell is this?

God! her face... She looked at me like I was a total stranger she'd never seen. Like I'd grown horns and a tail before her eyes.

My chest breathed too fast. I could still taste Liam on my lips. My hands trembled when I raised them to my mouth, as though I could erase the kiss, rewind time, undo this.

"Ethan," Liam said softly from behind me.

I didn't look back. I couldn't. If I looked at him, I'd collapse. Again.

He moved closer, placing a glass of water on the counter as though it might fix anything. "Drink. You're shaking."

I ignored the water. My voice was colder than I meant it to be. "You need to leave."

He exhaled slowly. "We have to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about," I said stiffly, finally turning around. "She saw us. All of it. I don't know what she's going to do."

I remembered her threat the day she said she liked me, I knew she was capable of doing me harm. I couldn't risk it.

Liam shrugged indifferently. "So what? You didn't do anything illegal."

I stared at him like he had sprouted a second head. "So what? Are you joking right now? That is my fiancée and your cousin we are talking about."

"Yes, I know that," he said. "But, Ethan, it's the 21st century. Being gay isn't the taboo that it used to be. Maybe it's time you start living without fear."

I stepped back. My voice was low, tense, trembling. "You think I'm afraid? You think I like to hide?"

"Then don't hide. Come out. Be yourself."

I gave a bitter laugh. "God, you really don't understand, do you?"

"Enlighten me."

I clenched my teeth. "You've never had the freedom of living loudly. You've never had to sit in front of your father and lie through your teeth about who you are, just so you don't lose his approval. His money. His respect."

Liam crossed his arms. "So your dad's opinion is worth more than your truth?"

"It's not that simple."

"It's as simple as that, Ethan. You're either living your life or someone else's."

"You think I haven't struggled with this every single day of my life?" I snapped. "You think it's been easy, pretending? Hearing people compliment my engagement like it's this perfect fairytale when all I feel is … empty?"

"Then let it go," he said. "Walk away."

"And go where, Liam? To you? You think I'm going to just leave everything behind and fall into your arms like we're living in a movie?"

He didn't bat an eye. "Why not?"

I laughed again, more bitterly. "Because she's not just my fiancée, Liam. She's my shield, our cover story. My one safeguard against a family that would burn me alive if they ever found out the truth."

"If your family's love is conditional, maybe it isn't love."

"Don't preach to me about family," I shot back. "You don't know mine. You don't know what they're like."

Liam's voice dipped low, freezing and slashing. "And you don't know what it's like to walk into a room and be hated for what you are. I've had that life, still having it. So don't say I don't know."

I gasped, chest trembling. "You're being selfish."

"No. I'm being realistic. You're the one pretending like this thing between us doesn't exist and it's not fair."

"But it can't exist. Not in the real world, I'm being sensible."

He shook his head. "No, you're scared. That's all this is."

I felt tired, my body suddenly felt weird as I Thought about it.

"So what? I'm afraid, Liam. I have everything to lose. You…what do you have to lose?"

His eyes ignited. "You." The intensity of his stare burned into me. "That's what I have to lose Ethan, and that's enough."

That hurt more than I expected. But I couldn't let it take hold. I couldn't afford to weaken. I had to put an end to this craziness.

"Liam, you might want to leave," I whispered, turning my face away from his as though that would somehow shield me from the hurt in his eyes or throw a shadow over the haze in mine. "Maybe all of this was a mistake."

He was quiet for a moment. The silence was heavy and loud. He looked stunned, maybe I was being too harsh.

When I glanced over at him, he wasn't enraged. He just… stared. Then finally he faced the door.

"Yeah," he said finally, his voice low but with steel in it. "Maybe I should go."

He stood there with his hand on the knob. I waited. Hoped, idiotically, that he'd say something that would make it alright.

"If you're going to let fear rule your life," he said, his voice now cold, clipped and certain, "then I don't want to be involved Ethan."

He turned the handle, but before opening the door, he turned his head a little, just enough for me to catch the outline of his profile.

"You know what's crazy?" he spat, "You talk about loss like it's this unbearable thing… but you've never had to lose yourself just to survive.

I have. And I'm here, begging for crumbs of something real, while you throw it away because you're too afraid of your father's voice from across the dinner table."

My throat tightened.

He turned back, eyes no longer piercing, but tired. Bruised. Softly broken.

"Must be nice," he whispered. "To still have something left to lose."

And then he was gone.

The silence that was left was louder than any door slam. Deafening. All-consuming.

I was there, immobilized, heart broken. My legs gave out before I was aware they had. I fell to the floor, back against the counter, my head dropping into my hands.

And for the first time in years, I cried.

Not for Liam, not even for Diana.

But for me.

For all the versions of me I'd buried just to keep on playing a role in a life that wasn't mine. For all the truths I'd swallowed. All the kisses I'd never had. All the nights I'd slept while pretending to be someone I wasn't.

I felt something true, I had been really happy.

And I'd let it go.