Chapter 4

After a brief workout, Brynn iced her hip. She never thought she’d have anything in common with Ryland Guyer. She wanted to hate him, but his telling her what he’d been through tugged at her heart. A part of her wanted to help him, make sure he was okay, not headed in the wrong direction to the dark place he’d once been. Over the past three months, her emotions could swing from good to bad in an instant. At times, something inconsequential to most people would make her want to curl up in the fetal position and cry. Maybe Ry was beyond that back-and-forth when breathing took effort. She hoped so for his sake.

An unexpected reaction given their past, but his openness had surprised her. So had his experience because he seemed indestructible—or had until his crash. Hearing his story made her feel not so alone, but their situations were nothing alike. He wouldn’t be able to help her. No one could.

Which didn’t bode well for her upcoming races.

Think positively.

That was all she could do. Unfortunately.

After working on Brynn’s hip, Amelia, one of the team’s trainers, rubbed her shoulder.

Ry chatted with skiers, spotting for a couple of them lifting weights. He knew everyone. Not surprising since he’d been on the team for over a decade.

Amelia’s fingers pressed and kneaded Brynn’s muscles. The trainer was a favorite among the female teammates. No one got rid of cramps, including menstrual ones, as well as Amelia. “Better?”

“Yes.”

Ry spoke to Sam Crawford, one of the A team skiers. Lila had a big crush on the guy. Which meant her roommate extolled Sam’s virtues and race results day and night. A good thing he was a nice guy even if he treated Lila more like a kid sister than a potential love interest.

“Your muscles are so tight.” Amelia massaged Brynn’s biceps. “Did you land on your entire side?”

“Just my hip.”

Ry’s laughter carried across the room, above the music, conversations, and exercise machines. She didn’t know why she recognized the sound or liked it.

“Relax,” Amelia said.

“I’m trying.” Tough to do when Ryland Guyer was on Brynn’s mind.

I don’t do a lot of things I used to do.

Was that true?

She hadn’t seen him around, other than at team meetings and events, because she’d done her best to avoid him, afraid she might cause a scene and resurrect the lies about them and that night. But she couldn’t deny he was acting differently. The Ryland she remembered was charming and full of himself, God’s gift to skiing and women. Being sober or getting older might account for the changes.

Maybe he wasn’t the same as he’d always been, but Brynn wasn’t about to lower her guard. She knew better than to be taken in by a pretty face. Men like Guyer had trouble tattooed on their foreheads and heartbreaker across their chests.

Okay, not really.

But she’d seen ink on him five years ago. She couldn’t recall what tattoos. Undressing such a hot guy wasn’t something that happened every day. Okay, it had been a first for her. She hadn’t known whether to be stunned or intrigued. Once he’d opened his mouth the next morning, she’d settled on horrified.

Amelia’s hands stopped. “You’re tensing up.”

Brynn breathed in and then out. “Better?”

“Slightly.”

As long as Ry was around, she would be tense. “Sorry.”

He went over to talk with Regina Ashe and Ella Norton, two of the top women skiers on the team. Both greeted him with friendly hugs.

Amelia leaned close. “If you’re that into Ry-Guy, go and talk to him. He’s nice.”

Muscles bunched. The stone-hard knots matched Brynn’s ramrod spine. “I-I’m not into him.”

“The way you’re watching his every move suggests otherwise.” Amelia gave Brynn another rub and then lifted her hands. “Finished. Remember to ice. And with Ry-Guy, you might want to call dibs, just sayin’.”

As Amelia walked away, Brynn’s cheeks burned.

Ry was at her side in an instant. “Hey. Are you feeling okay?” He touched her forehead with his hand. “No fever.”

“I’m fine. Just…” Embarrassed. “Hot.”

His gaze ran the length of her, slowly with approval. “I concur.”

Was he complimenting her?

Excitement flashed and quick as a blink disappeared. She didn’t want him to say anything nice about her. Spending time with him was ski team business, nothing more. “You’re supposed to help me, not aggravate me.”

“I am helping you.”

He was making no sense. “How?”

“By distracting you from whatever’s been on your mind.”

“Say what?”

Ry tilted his head. “Have you been thinking about what’s troubling you?”

The only thing on her mind had been him. Not…her parents. Her mouth parted.

“See.” His face brightened. “Working.”

Brynn wasn’t convinced about any of this. She didn’t trust him. His nice-guy routine could be an act. And that meant one thing.

Races and the pressure aside, this would be the longest week of her life.

Thanks to Ryland Guyer.

♥ ♥ ♥

At the team meeting the next morning, Ry stood against the far wall. He felt out of place. Yes, he was still a member of the team, listed under the alpine A roster on the website, but he wasn’t a competitor. Wearing the lanyard and being labeled an “assistant” left a sour taste in his mouth. Even if the badge was the only way for him to access the areas he needed to be with Brynn.

Next season will be different.

It had to be.

He wasn’t ready to retire and occupy that empty office next to his dad’s. Someday, yes, but not until after Beijing. A gold medal called to him like a siren’s song. He couldn’t give up. Not when he could taste victory. He wanted that one more time. That was why he’d been working so hard on his recovery and doing everything he could to be in top shape.

2022.

No matter what Chas had said, three years would go by in a blink.

Ry had no doubt he would make the team next season and be standing on the podium again. Even if the alternative might have flashed into his mind a time or two, failing to achieve his goals wasn’t an option.

Tolliver said something that led Wes to break out in a silly dance.

Everyone laughed.

With a shake of his head, Frederick dismissed the team.

As skiers rose from their chairs, Ry glimpsed Brynn across the room. His gaze met hers. Something flashed. Attraction? Interest? Or wariness? He nearly laughed. It had to be the last one even though she hadn’t looked at him with as much dislike as yesterday.

He headed toward her. They’d made plans to meet after the event, but he wanted to see what she was up to now. Ask if she’d slept well. Find out if there was more she wanted to tell him. She, however, didn’t glance his way again. Instead, she left with Taylor. “Bolted” might better describe the way she left.

An unexpected heaviness pressed down on his shoulders.

He straightened, not understanding the reaction. Yes, he wanted to speak with Brynn, but it wasn’t a big deal he hadn’t. She had somewhere to go. So did he.

Ry headed outside. The cold air surrounded him, much cooler than yesterday and what he was used to in Portland, Oregon, his hometown where he’d been doing his rehab. He pulled his beanie lower over his ears.

Time for a coffee. He would grab a cup before staking out a spot where he could see the course.

A chill inched along his spine. One that was only partly because of the winter weather. Watching the men race today would be difficult. He wanted to be on the slopes even if logically it wasn’t in the realm of possibility. The old Ry would have blown off the event today to flirt with snow bunnies and hit the hot tub at the condo. But he wasn’t that guy. He didn’t want to be him. No matter how difficult being a spectator would be, he needed to cheer on his friends racing. That was the right thing to do.

Footsteps sounded behind Ry.

“Wait up.” Sam hurried to catch up to him. “Did you see the course?”

“Only from below.”

He fell in step with Ry. “And?”

Ry bit back a smile. Sam was the second fastest on the A team in the super combined and eager to beat Chas in this final competition of the year. Ry remembered when he was chasing the top racer. He didn’t mind giving a tip or two. “The race will be won on the lower half so push hard there. Watch your line and stay low.”

“You sound like Coach.”

That heavy feeling from a few minutes ago returned. Ry shook it off. “Then you’d better pay attention. But I’m a skier, not a coach.”

Even if he felt like neither at the moment. But he couldn’t allow uncertainty to mess with his head and confidence. Soon, he would receive the all-clear sign from his medical team and be on the mountain where he belonged.

“So, what are you doing with Brynn Windham?” Sam asked.

“Trying to help her focus.”

“Rumor has it she’ll lose her spot.”

“Depends on how she finishes the competition.”

“She’s better than she’s been skiing.”

“That’s what I’ve heard.”

“So nothing’s going on with the two of you again?”

Again echoed in Ry’s head. He needed to say something. “Nothing ever went on between us.”

Sam’s forehead creased. “But you said…?”

“I was young and stupid. Blackout drunk. A jerk.” That about summed it up. “What I thought happened hadn’t even though I said it did.”

“No wonder she’s been so pissed at you.”

“You noticed?”

Sam laughed. “Impossible to miss the daggers being thrown your way for the last five years.”

“I hope she and I are beyond that now.” At least the daggers seemed to be lessening after spending time together. “I guess we’ll see today.”

“After I win, we should see if Brynn and her roommate want to join us. Lila is a sweet kid. They can help me celebrate.”

“A little cocky.”

“I learned from the best.” Sam’s grin widened. “You.”

“Good luck.” Ry hoped that cockiness didn’t bite Sam the way it had him.

♥ ♥ ♥

Brynn cheered for her teammates in the men’s super combined—a slalom run and a downhill run. Cowbells clanged. She wiggled her toes, a mix of excitement and wanting to stay warm. “Chas is going to win the overall event.”

Two blond braids hung out of Lila’s hat. Her face glowed despite her breath hanging on the cold air. She clapped her mitten-covered hands. No doubt to keep the blood circulating. “I can’t believe the number of spectators who showed up.”

“More will be here for the parade, concert, street party, and fireworks. By the weekend, this place will be jam-packed.”

The cold made Lila’s cheeks pink. “I can’t wait.”

Neither could Brynn. Nothing beat the electricity during a competition or the camaraderie with her teammates—from the youngest member on the development team to the seasoned medalists on the A team. Other skiers from the US enjoyed competing against national team members.

The cowbell ringing amped up.

Skiing was the only life she knew. The rush of flying down a course, the exhilaration of completing a fast run, the satisfaction of knowing she’d skied her best.

If only…

Brynn wanted her mojo back, to be at the top of her game after a season of improving and to reach the finish line with a competitive time, not struggling to quiet the doubts in her head. If she wasn’t on next season’s team, she didn’t know what she would do. For the first time, the future scared her, a way she wasn’t used to feeling.

She bit her lip.

If she didn’t make the team, her sponsors wouldn’t stick around long if she wasn’t competing at big events. A group of teammates rented a place to stay during the off-season. Would she still be welcome, or would her spot go to someone new on the team nomination list?

Probably the latter.

Either Jax or Ace would take Brynn in. Support her. Jax had the money to do that. Ace not so much. But both would help her however they could. But they shouldn’t have to take care of their younger sister. Brynn wasn’t a child. She would have to find a job so she could afford an apartment and to keep training.

She had no other choice because Sully wouldn’t let her come home. He’d made it clear she was no longer welcome and packed up her stuff and sent the boxes to Jax. Sully had suggested she legally change her last name from Windham to Morton, her mom’s maiden name. The worst part, not that all of it wasn’t horrible, was how her mom hadn’t spoken up. She’d picked her husband and sons and left Brynn to face the wrath of the man she’d called “Dad” her entire life. In some ways, that hurt as much or more than Sully’s behavior.

“Go, Sam, go!” Lila jumped up and down, not hiding how much she wanted him to win.

Oh, to be young again. Though Brynn would pass on the unrequited love. She read the scoreboard. “He’s doing well.”

Sam crossed the finish line and threw his hands in the air.

“Good run,” Brynn said.

Lila’s grin spread across her face. “He’s the best.”

One of the best, at least.

Brynn didn’t know if she would include Ry in that group. She wondered if he was watching the race. None of her business. Probably best to forget about him while she could because he’d texted her about meeting after the race to prepare for tomorrow. Her emotions over spending more time with him kept flip-flopping from can’t-wait-to-see-him to why-do-we-have-to-get-together. She didn’t understand why.

This morning when she’d seen him at the team meeting, something in her stomach fluttered. A stupid reaction as if sparks—or anything—could travel across a room. Chalking the response up to hypersensitivity, she hadn’t stuck around to speak with him but left to have coffee with Taylor.

That didn’t stop Brynn from searching the sea of faces now, but she didn’t see Ry. He’d competed with most of these guys for years, some since they were kids, so he would likely be here somewhere.

Unless watching was too rough on him.

Not being able to race must be difficult even though he would be on skis in time for next season. An impressive feat, given the severity of the injuries—from broken bones to internal bleeding—he’d suffered. At one point, he’d been in critical condition. The entire team had been talking about it, hoping and praying for Ry. Even though the past had colored her views of him, she respected how far he’d come since his crash.

She didn’t know him well. Calling him a teammate was pushing it, but he seemed to understand her.

I’m helping you. By distracting you from whatever’s been on your mind.

Yes, he was doing that.

Thoughts of him had locked themselves front and center in her mind. That bothered her. The last thing she needed was another crush on Ry-Guy.

Not that she had one now.

Or would.

He’d changed, but so had she. Brynn wasn’t the same shy girl she’d once been. All she needed to do was focus on her race tomorrow.

Staring up the mountain, she imagined her slalom and downhill tomorrow. Her skis gliding over the snow. Her edges carving turns.

Anticipation buzzed through her.

For the first time in weeks, she couldn’t wait to be out on the course.

A good sign. An even better feeling.

Lila sucked in a breath. “That guy’s flying.”

His split time was faster than Sam’s. Not surprising given the skier, a local, was going all out and taking risks.

The crowd erupted into cheers and cowbells clanged when he crossed the finish line.

“No way. He beat Sam’s time.” Disappointment laced Lila’s words.

“The kid will be on the podium,” Brynn said. “He nailed the lower half. The course is in great shape.”

“Don’t expect the same conditions tomorrow. Snowfall will slow the course and cause obstacles.” Coach Frederick appeared as if materializing in the crowd with a flick of a wand, or in his case, a tablet. “Visibility may be poor. Be on the lookout for ruts. Rolls may surprise you.”

Brynn felt the urge to join the group of racing fans behind them, but she held her ground.

“Be ready for whatever Mother Nature brings,” he added.

“Yes, sir.” Lila raised her arm as if to salute but then lowered her hand. Coach had that effect on newer skiers. Some older ones, too.

His gaze narrowed on Brynn. “Did you talk to Guyer?”

She looked a little like her mom. That was what everyone had told her. Couldn’t Coach Frederick see the resemblance? “Spent time with him yesterday.”

“Today?”

“Not yet.”

Her tongue felt ten sizes too big for her mouth, swollen as if she were having an allergic reaction. Coach treated her the same as the other members of the team. Would that change if he found out she was his daughter?

For all she knew, he wouldn't care. Sully hadn’t.

Was the chance of having a relationship with Frederick beyond athlete-coach worth destroying her family? Especially when she was no longer considered one of them?

The questions plagued Brynn, kept her awake at night, gave her bad dreams, distracted her when her mind should be focused on nothing but skiing.

A vise tightened around her heart.

Best to keep quiet. What else could she do?

“Listen to what Ry has to say,” Coach said.

Brynn nodded like a seven-year-old, wanting to please Frederick. She’d been that age when she’d made her first assist on a goal, slid into the boards, and split open her chin. Instead of giving praise, Sully had screamed at her for needing to leave the game to get stitches. She was grown up now, but she still wanted a father…a dad.

“See you two at dinner.” With that, Coach left.

She watched him go, trying to see any similarities between the two of them. She might look more like her mother, but Brynn skied like Coach. Well, based on old clips she’d found on the internet, she did.

Wishful thinking, maybe?

Frederick had no children—well, other than her—that she knew about. One rumor floating around suggested he and Coach Tolliver were into each other, but Brynn had never seen anything. But one thing was clear—he wasn’t a family guy. Skiing meant everything to him.

“Does he ever seem less intimidating?” Lila whispered.

“Let’s just say Wes has always been more approachable.” Brynn’s excitement for tomorrow’s races disappeared. A rock settled at the bottom of her stomach. Typical reaction whenever she was around Coach, except today he hadn’t been on her mind. Not until seeing him just now. That was unusual.

Maybe Ry was right that distracting her was a good thing. She’d been thinking about him so much there wasn’t room in her brain for anything else, including her birth father.

Could a fix be that simple?

She hoped so. Except she’d rather find another guy to distract her. One whom she didn’t have a past with—even if that past was only one night.

“I like talking to Wes. He’s nice,” Lila said.

Brynn focused on her roommate.

“Wes is great. Tolliver may be our coach, but she’s a protégé of Frederick’s. You won’t find a better alpine coach than him.” Saying that filled Brynn with an unfamiliar sense of pride. “Look at Regina’s success this season. Or how much Taylor accomplished before her knee injury.”

“We’re as fast as they are.”

“Great attitude. Anything can happen. Like that local skier placing third.”

“Sam got bumped to fourth.” Lila sounded so sad.

Lila’s crush reminded Brynn of her old one on Ry. Five years had been a lifetime ago. She was older now. One level away from her dream of making the A team and her world was falling apart. Did that mean she hadn’t gotten wiser with age? Appeared so, because she wanted to return to December and redo her races since then.

Lila glanced around. “I wonder if he’s upset.”

“You really like Sam.”

“Yes, but…” Lila’s frustrated sigh was one Brynn knew well. “He called me kiddo at the team meeting this morning. Not a good sign.”

“You’re nineteen. He’s twenty-seven.”

“I’ll be twenty next month.” Lila placed her hands on her hips and flipped the blond hair sticking out from the bottom of her beanie. “Do I look like a kid?”

“No.” She looked like a beautiful actress on a cable channel drama. “But he is older than you and been on the team for years.”

“Like Ry.” Straightening her hat, Lila smirked. “He’s heading toward us, watching you the way he did at this morning’s meeting. I’m sure he’s got a thing for you. Is the feeling mutual?”

“No ‘thing.’ No feelings. For either one of us.” Brynn didn’t need rumors about her and Ry-Guy going around. Been there, done that. She didn’t want a repeat. “You heard what Frederick said during the meeting. Ry’s working as a team assistant.”

Lila sighed. “You’re so lucky he’s assisting you.”

“Lucky? Right, I should buy a lottery ticket,” Brynn muttered under her breath.

“He’s hot.”

Few men were as handsome as Ryland Guyer. A good thing Brynn was immune to his charms. But maybe a booster shot was in order. “There’s more to a man than his looks.”

“I’m only nineteen, remember?” Lila joked.

Brynn laughed.

Ry zigzagged around people until he reached her and Lila. “Enjoying yourselves, ladies?”

“Today has been fun.” Lila beamed. “But I’d rather be racing.”

Ry flashed a dazzling, toothpaste-ad-worthy smile. “Tomorrow is your turn to shine. Both of you.”

Brynn nodded. The past couple of months she’d felt like a burned-out bulb. Shining would be a welcome change.

“Have plans for this afternoon?” he asked her.

Lila pushed Brynn forward. “She doesn’t. But I do. Big plans. Huge ones. In fact, I’d better go. See you two around.”

The young skier disappeared into the crowd.

“Those must be some big plans,” Ry said.

She would have to make sure Lila understood the definition of subtlety. “Huge ones.”

He laughed. “It’s time to talk about the super combined.”

“I hope this will be more fun than reviewing video and getting a go-get-em pep-talk à la Tolliver.”

“You want fun?” Ry’s lips curved into a crooked grin. “I’m the definition of fun.”

“As long as your definition includes being fully dressed, I’m game.”

“Five years ago… Who am I kidding? Even two, things might have been different, but fully clothed is standard operating procedure these days.”

The humor in his voice brought a smile. Brynn wished he didn’t have that effect on her, but there was no reason to keep fixating on the past. She would play along for now. “I’ll warn you. My expectations are high. I not only want to have fun, but I also want to win.”

His grin crinkled the corners of his eyes and stole her breath away.

So not the reaction Brynn wanted to have. She swallowed.

“Let’s see what we can do to make that happen,” he said.

Ry sounded so confident. A part of her was envious. She used to be confident until the secrets and worries bogged her down. Maybe some of his self-assurance would rub off on her. Standing on the podium might not be a pie-in-the-sky dream.

Brynn pictured herself up there. One of the top three. Maybe number one. Tingles formed in her stomach.

“Ready?” he asked.

Was she?

Ry seemed…different. But his changing didn’t matter. It couldn’t.

She cared only about saving her spot on the team. Brynn still didn’t trust him, but she appreciated his help. Something told her she needed it.

She straightened. “I’m ready.”