Chapter 49

Gusto ko sanang sabihin kay Coltrane ang nangyari but he's having fun with his cousins, kaya heto ako at pinapanuod syang buhat buhat ang pamangkin nya at nakikipaglaro sa iba pang mga bata.

"Are you okay?" I inhaled roughly and nodded my head. "Naninibago lang na wala ka sa tabi ko, love."

He smiled and bit his lower lip, gosh why is he like that?

"I miss you, Azrielle. I badly want to hug and kiss you right now" I hugged my pillow, pretending its him that I'm hugging.

"You should sleep now baby" sabi nya nang humikab ako. I still want to talk to him pero hinihila na ako ng unan at kumot ko.

"I love you, good night"

I received a text from Eros, asking me to attend her mom's birthday party. Wala naman akong choice because mom asked me to come. Pupunta ako but I'll do everything to dodge him.

Namili ako ng ireregalo kay Tita Yana, saka ng isusuot na rin. Hinihintay ko pa ang call ni Coltrane pero nagpaalam na ako.

Maguumpisa ng lunch hanggang gabi ang party, I only plan to stay for an hour saka ako uuwi. I'm not safe around Eros, and I don't want him around.

"Hi Suzette" bati ko sa nakababatang Montreal. Lumapit sya sa akin at yumakap. "You should visit me too ate, wala lang si Kuya hindi ka na nagpunta sa bahay." Three days na nga pala akong hindi nagpupunta sa kanila. Lagi kasi kaming naglalaro or inaasar ang kuya nya.

"Okay, pupunta ako bukas." I ruffled her hair and held her hand. Buti nalang may kasama ako!

"Happy birthday tita" bumeso sya sa akin at hinila ako papalapit sa table nila.

"Eros, your girlfriend is here" napaubo ako narinig. Pinaghila ako ni Eros ng upuan at pinaupo ako doon. I am rendered speechless, hindi pa rin niya sinasabing wala na kami? Ridiculous!

Sinamaan ko sya ng tingin nang makaupo ako, he tried to reach for my hand pero iniwas ko. Ayokong magmukhang bastos sa harapan ng ibang tao pero ayokong isipin ng magulang ko na niloloko ko si Coltrane.

This shouldn't be tolerated too, I don't want him to use me anymore, and I don't want Coltrane's family and my family to think that I'm a cheater.

"Azrielle, I heard you hindi kayo nakapag celebrate ng anniversary ni Eros dahil busy kayo sa school pareho? Naisip ko na magpa-book ng international trip as a gift for you two, okay naman yun diba Cristina?"

Mom looked at me puzzledly, gosh I need Coltrane to defend me, too bad he's not here! Gusto ko na lang mag evaporate ngayon, pakiramdam ko tuloy ang sama sama ko.

"That's good mom" iniwas ko ang kamay ko nang akmang hahawakan iyon ni Eros, he looked at me and smirked. Nilingon ko si Suzette na tila naguguluhan sa nangyayari, even Tita Kaye is looking at me.

"Tita Yana—

"Okay rin daw sa kanya mommy" Eros cut me off. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang tensyon at parang gusto kong sumabog sa sobrang galit. Tinapik ko ang kamay nya, he was surprised at akmang hahawakan ang kamay ko.

"No, Eros. Tell her the truth" maldita na kung maldita pero sobra na.

"What truth are you talking about babe?" May pagbabanta sa pagtingin nya sa akin.

"Oh ako ang magsasabi? Okay, I'll gladly tell them the story." Tensyonado sya at napailing sa akin. "Oh ngayon ayaw mong magkwento ako? You've always been so indecisive, Eros"

"Don't ruin the mood, Azrielle"

"And tolerate all of these lies?" napataas na ang boses ko.

"Bakit kayo naga-away, settle things maturely para magtagal ang relasyon nyong dalawa, diba mga kumare?"

I inhaled roughly and mustered all my courage.

"Walang magtatagal Tita Yana, matagal na kaming hiwalay ni Eros" nawala ang ngiti sa labi ni Tita Yana, I hate to break her heart but I don't want Eros to feed her with his lies.

"Eros I'm sorry but I won't let you do this to me, to us. Not again, not anymore." Hinarap ko si Tita Yana at humawak sa kanya.

"I'm sorry tita, pero isang taon na po kaming hiwalay ni Eros"

"Because of Coltrane?" Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi nya. "I know you like him too"

"Its not that tita. Well yes I like Coltrane, no, I love Coltrane. He saved me when your son cheated on me" shock and disbelief is written on her face.

"Eros won't do such—

"But he did, to please you. Eros did to make you happy, Tita. Your son loves you so much that he'd do everything to make you happy, even if your happiness means not having the freedom to be with the girl that he loves. Hindi ako yung babaeng mahal niya, Tita"

"Break na po kami nang manligaw si Coltrane sa akin, so don't ever put the blame on him. I'm sorry tita, but I know you deserve to know the truth"

Tumayo na ako at tumalikod, napabuga ako ng hininga ng makalabas sa bahay na iyon. I felt so relieved, para akong sinasakal sa loob. I feel bad for Tita Yana pero sobra na si Eros.

Nakatulala lang ako habang hinihintay si Mommy na makauwi. I need to apologize for my behavior kanina sa party, and I also need to explain.

Napatayo ako nang bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si Mommy, lumapit sya sa akin at yumakap.

"I'm sorry mommy"

"Don't be, I'm proud of you"

Ikwinento ko sa kanya ang lahat, it was uncomfortable at first but I felt relieved after. Maliban kay Coltrane, may napagsabihan na ako at napaglabasan ng sama ng loob.

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag pagkatapos ng pagu-usap namin ni Mommy. Tumalon ako sa kama at kinuha ang tumutunog kong cellphone.

"Hi, sorry kakagising ko lang" my eyes began to welled up with tears, I exhaled roughly and secretly brushed off my tears.

"Its okay" I sighed. "Uwi ka na love, I need you"

Nag-alala sya nang napaiyak ako, kainis na luha 'to! Hindi ko na napigilan pa.

"Anong problema baby? Tell me"

"I just want you home, please come home"

"Shhh, calm down okay? I'll be home in three days, stop crying please?" Kinalma ko ang sarili ko at suminghot singhot.

"I love you, Coltrane. Always remember that" he smiled and told me he loves me too. Sana maging okay na ang lahat.

"Are you happy now? You're free"

"Aren't you happy, Eros?" Tanong ko pabalik sa kanya, two days after what happened at heto sya at hinarangan na naman ako.

"Give me a reason to be happy, Azrielle" he smirked "We broke up, all thanks to you"

"I shouldn't be to be the one to save your relationship Eros, and you know that. It is your responsibility, and I did that to save ours. I'm sorry but I believe that I did the right thing"

"I know, alam mo rin kung bakit ko 'to ginagawa, Azrielle. We tried everything, pero wala eh, ikaw ang gusto ni mommy"

"Coltrane once told me that You only fail when you stop trying, you tried maybe yes, but that doesn't mean you did everything already. Angeline is a great girl, imposibleng hindi sya magugustuhan ni Tita Yana, just try harder. Marami pang options, Eros, sana lang tanggalin nyo na ako sa options nyo. Ilang beses na kitang pinili, I was blinded by my love for you na matagal bago ko nakita lahat ng efforts ni Coltrane. This time siya lang ang pipiliin ko, I'll choose him over and over again because he made me forget about the other choices." Natahimik sya at parang napaisip. Tumalikod na ako at humakbanh.

"Mali ka, siya yung lagi mong pinipili, Azrielle. Siguro nga gusto mo ako non, pero una palang siya na ang pinili mo at hindi ako." Napatigil ako at hinarap sya. "I may be your first boyfriend but he's your first choice, your first love"

"You want the truth, Azrielle?" He smiled faintly. "Bata palang ako sinasabi na sa akin ni mommy noon na I should marry you, pero bakit kita papakasalan hindi naman kita gusto?"

"Hanggang sa naging close tayo, but not as close as you are with him. Nalaman ko na crush mo ako, I brush it off, I still don't like you. Paano ko magugustuhan yung babaeng nagsasabing gusto ako pero iba naman ang laging kasama?"

He stopped me when I tried to butt in. I breathed heavily and let him talk.

"Mom would ask you to play with me, pero maaagaw ni Coltrane ang atensyon mo, hanggang sa kayong dalawa nalang ang naglalaro, nagkwe-kwentuhan at nagkukulitan. Ako, ako ang unang nakaalam na gusto ka ni Coltrane." Napalunok ako at naghintay sa susunod nyang sasabihin.

"And that is when I felt this unfamiliar feeling, jealousy. Nagseselos ako Azrielle, because I found my self falling in love with you too. Yung mga tawa mo, yung kasiyahan mong nakakahawa, I fell in love with you kahit wala ka pang ginagawa. Pero alam ko noon palang na talo nya na ako, sa kanya ka na" he paused and chuckled softly. "Maybe you grew up believing you liked me, but I know deep inside you you've been denying the fact that you love him. Siya ang una mong minahal Azrielle, nagustuhan mo lang ako para pagtakpan yung katotohanang ayaw mong tanggapin, because what? Kupal sya? At hindi sya pasok sa standards mo? Ngayon, naniniwala ka pa din ba na may standards ang pagmamahal?" Umiling sya, ako bawat salita ay tumatatak sa akin, and I can't believe I'm hearing all of this from him. Bumabalik sa akin lahat, simula ng mga bata pa kami at awkward ako sa kanya kaya ang ending kay Coltrane ako sumasama.

Dahil sa inis ko kay Coltrane, si Eros ang pinagtutuunan ko ng pansin para snobin ang kakulitan niya. Pero lagi pa rin akong babalik sa kanya, because I enjoy his company, and honestly I like the attention that he's giving me.

"Kung nabulag ka sa pagmamahal mo sa akin bakit hindi mo nakitang mahal na kita bata pa lang tayo? Kasi nasa kanya lagi ang atensyon mo. I hate you because you keep on telling your friends that you like me, pero tuwing uwian, tuwing magkakasama ang mga mommy natin nakay Coltrane ka." Ngumiti sya sa akin. "Narerealize mo na ba?"

"Kahit tayo na, sya pa rin yung lagi mong kasama. I'm sorry if I cheated on you, pero hindi ko kasi makuha mula sa'yo yung pagmamahal na akala ko kaya mong ibigay, kasi akala ko finally sakin ka na talaga" he held my hand and squeezed it.

"Your confusion and your denial to your real feelings led you to me, to this mess. I'm your first boyfriend, but I wasn't your first love. Its Coltrane, its always been Coltrane. That is your truth." Pumatak ang luha ko habang unti unting prinoproseso ang lahat ng sinabi nya.

I was caught off guard when he cupped my cheeks and claimed my lips, hindi ako agad nakapalag dahil lunod pa ako sa mga sinabi nya at prinoposeso ko pa lamang ang lahat.

Nang makabalik sa tamang wisyo ay marahas ko siyang tinulak.

"Eros!" Natabunan ng galit ang emosyon ko kaya nasampal ko siya. Magmamartsa na sana ako paalis nang makita ang pamilyar na bulto sa di kalayuan.

He's back.