Chapter Twenty-Three - I Couldn't Have Stayed Any Longer

Chapter Twenty-Three - I Couldn't Have Stayed Any Longer
Peyton

When I return to my apartment, I throw my stuff on the floor and collapse onto the sofa. I couldn’t face Gabe this morning, which is why I left early. Thankfully, I never gave up my apartment. Max wanted me to move in officially, but I refused, and I'm glad—otherwise, I might be homeless now. I haven’t contacted Max, and I might not. I need some time alone to figure out what I want and to process everything that happened this weekend. It's been overwhelming, and a few days of solitude are what I need before going back to work. 

I close my eyes and lean my head against the sofa's back as memories of last night flood my mind. I haven't felt such intense pleasure since the last time I was with Gabe. That last experience was with him. Max could never inspire the same feelings as Gabe. I know I shouldn't compare, but Max was good—yet he never made my toes curl or caused me to temporarily lose consciousness as Gabe did. Only Gabe has made my body respond that strongly. 

I thought one night with him would clear him from my thoughts, but it hasn't. He's still on my mind, and I hate feeling this way. I should have stayed in my room last night; I wasn't thinking clearly. Spending the night with my ex was never part of my plan, but everyone makes mistakes. Still, I can’t really call it a mistake because, although I shouldn’t have done it, I don’t regret it. 

Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair and shake my head. I need a shower and some sleep. At least if I am asleep, I won’t be doing stupid things. I take out my phone to text Kaitlyn. I told her I would let her know I arrived home safely. 

Hey, I am home. Enjoy your honeymoon. I will see you when you get back xx

A reply comes through only moments later. 

Hey, thank you for texting. Thank you for being such a huge part of this weekend. Gabe was looking for you this morning xx

I swear he better not have told them what happened. 

I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else. I will see you soon. I love you xx

I purposely don’t mention Gabe because I don’t want to get into that conversation.

I love you too. See you when we return. Here is Gabe’s number in case you want to reach out xx

She attaches his number to it. What does she want me to do with it? I have no plans to reach out to him. I have no plans ever to see him again, so why would she think otherwise? I can assume they know what happened last night. He promised he wouldn’t say anything! Yet he broke that promise. There is a reason why I don’t trust people. 

I choose not to reply. Instead, I turn off my cell and toss it onto the sofa. Slowly, I get up from the couch. I notice a slight sting between my thighs from last night, with marks that will serve as reminders of him for the next few days. I walk to the shower, strip off my clothes, and step in. I lean against the wall and sink to the floor. With my eyes closed, I let the warm water soothe my body. Yet, as I relax, memories of last night flood back into my mind. 

Groaning with frustration, I open my eyes and rise to my feet, trying to focus on showering instead of thinking about Gabe. I want to forget him, but I know that’s impossible because, even before I saw him at the wedding, he had crossed my mind more times than I care to admit over the years. He was meant to be my person, my soulmate. Gabe was supposed to be the one I spent my life with, until he shattered that hope. You don’t just get over that, no matter how many years pass. 

Tears brim in my eyes, but I quickly wipe them away. I cried way more than enough tears for Gabe. I don’t plan on crying any more. I need to sleep and turn off my thoughts and feelings. I shower quickly and go straight to my room, drying off and pulling some PJs on before I slip into bed. I wish I could sleep all day, but my body won’t allow it. I will sleep for as long as it does. 

I keep tossing and turning, trying to find comfort. It feels odd to have the spot beside me empty. Usually, Max is there, or recently, Gabe. Sleeping alone has never been my favorite, but here I am. I need to pull myself together. I'm a grown woman, and I can handle sleeping solo. 

I finally get comfortable, staring at the wall, and the urge to grab my cell and text Gabe takes over, but I will fight it. I want to tell him he is a bastard for telling Kaitlyn and Anthony what happened, but that would start a full-blown thing, and it would mean he would have my number. I don’t want him to have my number because I know for a fact he would use it. It would be his way in to try to pursue me again, and I can’t have that. I could fight it, but the time would come when I would stop. Last night is proof that when it comes to Gabe, I don’t make the best choices. I can’t control myself around him. 

I reach for a pillow, covering my face and screaming into it. I put it down and pull the covers over my head, hoping the darkness and comfort will help me fall asleep. I slept fairly well last night after things got intense between us, but mainly because he was beside me, so I shouldn’t feel this tired. Honestly, I think my fatigue isn't just about sleep quantity. It seems like my body is shutting down after the weekend. I am drained mentally and emotionally, and my body has realized it. 

It will eventually take over, as it always does. I don't plan to move anytime soon since I have nothing scheduled for today. There's no reason for me to move now. Tomorrow is a new day, and it isn’t like things can get any more complicated than they already are.