Chapter Twenty Nine-1

"Choices. Choices. Too. Many. Choices," Jesse muttered, walking up the stairs and down the hall, sifting through a couple of giant envelopes with college names scrawled across the front. He entered his room and chucked the slightly offending papers on his desk. Jesse flopped on his bed with a sigh, palming his face and rubbing his eyes with gusto. The stress of choosing a college and figuring out the rest of his life nibbled at the back of his mind. These were choices that would follow him the rest of his life; it would shape who he became and what he would do in the future. Having all of that resting on his shoulders just freaked him out a bit. Not to mention the other portions of his life that were freaking him out. Like how Everett currently had a stack of papers and envelopes to the ones Jesse had on his desk. But Everett really hadn't made much of a discussion of it. While Jesse and Everett clearly were on great terms, over the past two weeks, Everett didn't really talk about this particular event with him. Which, okay, fair enough - Jesse and Everett both had a lot on their plates. Everett was juggling a brand new relationship and colleges, while Jesse had work and colleges. So, yeah, they were a little busy at the moment. Jesse just wanted Everett to talk to him about this particular thing for some reason. Maybe because, to him, it meant really letting go. For as long as he could remember, Jesse played the older brother despite being younger. When they were small, Jesse sacrificed a lot to make sure Everett would be okay. That aspect of his personality hadn't changed. Even though he was absolutely thrilled about Everetts progress, Jesse still got nervous when Everett's future came up. Jesse still cared and wanted Everett to be stable and happy. It was amazing to watch Everett take charge of his own life; it was simultaneously both terrifying and exciting for Jesse. But instead of coming to him with this huge decision, Everett seemed content to have conversation in low tones with Lizzie and his mother. Jesse knew what they were about; of course he did. The huge envelopes gave it away. However, Jesse didn't even know which colleges Everett even applied to. There were so many with a great music program and no doubt Everett could get in on scholarship. Jesse shook his head lightly, focusing instead on the piano playing downstairs. He smiled, knowing that hadn't changed at all. Everett still loved his piano more than anything else. Everett's music definitely changed though. Light, happy tunes filled the house and lifted everyone's spirit. Eyeing the stack of envelopes taunting him from the desk, Jesse stood up and left his room. The stress inside of the flimsy containers would still be there later. It wasn't over yet; not by a long shot. But, hey - that was a problem for later. Jesse descended the stairs two at a time, swinging around the railing once he hit the bottom. He walked up to the piano and leaned his body weight on the back, propping up his head on his elbows. "That is quite the lovely tune, bro. I wonder what the inspiration behind such joy could be?" Jesse watched as his brothers face bloomed a deep pink at his teasing. "Shut up," Everett muttered grouchily, but no one could deny the grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. The man shook his head and continued on, fingers never slipping and momentum never fading. As soon as the song ended, Everett breathed deeply and started all over again. He seemed deep in concentration, all of his focus honed in on the instrument sitting in front of him. "What's with the perfectionism coming out?" Jesse finally asked once the song had been run through again. And again. And again. Jesse couldn't find anything wrong with what came out; the song was perfection itself. But Everett seemed determined to make it more so. In response to his brother, Everett let out a little huff. He slid down the on the piano bench and gestured to it for his brother. Jesse plopped down on the bench and wiggled his butt around a little. "Why haven't you picked up like, I don't know, a cushion or something? Doesn't your butt go numb?" Jesse asked offhandedly. Though once he spotted the look on Everett's face, he shut up. "Right. We're getting off track." "It's just," Everett began expressing his thoughts after a moment, but paused. "I picked a college," he finished sheepishly, wringing his hands together. It took several moments for it to sink in, but once it does, Jesse's mouth falls open. "You . . . what?" This decision was something Jesse spent nights agonizing over without Everett ever realizing it and now . . . now what? "Yeah," Everett softly replied, one finger tracing the piano keys, one by one. He sighed. "I was going to tell you tonight. I've just been trying to figure everything out. It's weird," he mused, propping up one elbow on the edge of the piano and leaning against his arm. "These are things I never thought about doing before and now it's all hitting me at once and I'm just like, whoa there - slow down." Jesse slowly nodded, processing everything. "So, then . . . where are you going?" Everett motioned for Jesse to stand up; Jesse did so and watched from the side as Everett opened the bench top, pulling out an envelope from inside. It was handed to him and Jesse read the name on the front out loud. "Curtis Institute of Music?" his tone was confused and he furrowed his brow. Looking back up at Everett, he asked, "I would have thought Julliard would have been your first choice. I'm pretty sure you got an acceptance letter." Everett fidgeted nervously, shuffling from one foot to the other. "Well, yeah, but . . ." "Why would you go somewhere that isn't Julliard?" Jesse demanded to no one in particular, interrupting Everett in the process. His mind just couldn't wrap around the idea that Everett didn't want the best musical program in existence. "Julliard is . . . it's Julliard! And, and . . . it's close! We could still help you! You'll be too far away in, oh my god, you're going to Philadelphia?" Jesse rambled on and on, basically repeating the same thing over and over. He watched as Everett's face twisted from confused to sympathetic. Well, that was a new expression. "Jesse," Everett interrupted gently. He walked around the bench and put both hands on Jesse's shoulders, which were heaving with the effort of his speech. "I get it. Trust me, do." Jesse didn't seem to follow, so Everett clarified, "I'm scared, too." And really, that was the big thing. Jesse was afraid. The school Everett set his heart on was so far away. How would he get help if he needed it? Going to Arizona for a short trip was one thing. But for Jesse, Everett going away for several years in another state looked like a horse of a completely different color.