Chapter 42: Trust (Alex's POV) I woke up with a pounding head, just like I had last time. The only difference this time around: My clothes were changed. I had no idea who brought me here last night, so I had no idea who had changed me. I peeked inside my shirt. I don't even have a bra on. I was wearing black sweatpants with a loose t-shirt that I had lying around in my closet. I ignored my pounding head, which was still spinning from last night, by the way, and grabbed my phone off the counter. I immediately dialed Hannah's number but it went straight to voicemail. I tried Abby, she didn't answer. I tried Connor, he didn't answer. "Come on, Zach," I mumbled while crawling out of bed. "Hello?" he answered. "Oh, thank God! Why is nobody answering?! What the hell happened last night?" I questioned while pacing around my room. "Look, I gotta go I can't talk right now. I have inspectors over at the gym," he spoke in hushed tones before hanging up. "I- God damn it!" I yelled into my palms. I went into my bathroom and huffed, looking at myself. Huh. All my makeup was off. That also wasn't off last time. I brushed my teeth and washed my face before going downstairs while throwing my hair up in a bun. I rubbed my eyes and aching head, hoping to ease some of the pain. I went straight into the kitchen and set up the kettle to make some tea. I sat down on the barstool and pressed down on my forehead, massaging the knot and slowly dissolving it. "Mother Teresa help me," I sighed as the kettle went off, the high pitch ringing in my ears. I turned it off immediately and made myself tea. While I was walking up to my room, I heard voices from my dad's study. I thought he'd be at work. I opened his door after knocking and almost dropped my tea when I saw Carter sitting there. "Alex, could you give us a minute?" What are they doing? "Yeah, sorry," I said before closing the door and going up to my room. I set the tea down on my desk as I sat there, hugging my left knee and biting my nails, my right leg bouncing off the floor repeatedly. I stared out the window, waiting for Carter to leave but he never did. While I was sitting there anxiously, my bedroom door opened and Carter walked in. I stood up quickly and turned to him. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "I need to talk to you," he said vaguely. "Okay," I said slowly. "You disappeared again last night." My heart dropped at the thought of Hudson being the one who brought me back. There's no way. He isn't nice enough to take my makeup off. "I did? I-I don't remember anything," I stuttered. "Nothing?" he questioned. "Nothing after Hannah called me. She was looking for Connor," I said. "Why couldn't she find him?" he arched an eyebrow at me. "I don't know," I shrugged, lying. "You're lying." Did he not see Hudson putting a pill in my drink? "I give up," I mumbled under my breath, "You didn't believe me last time, why would you believe me now?" I thought out loud. "Because I saw her when she called you. Connor was right there with her," he said. I looked up at him, knowing he caught our plan. "Okay, so?" "So, you're lying to me. You guys planned it. All of it. How could you take that risk?" "We only planned it to prove to you that I didn't cheat on you or lie to you!" I snapped, "Because you were so set, so convinced that I was a liar and cheater, Carter. You didn't trust me! Do you get that? You didn't trust me!" I yelled. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair while sitting on the edge of my bed. "You told me you loved me, but you don't trust me. So yeah, I lied about last night. And I'd do it again," I huffed. "Why would you do that again? Why wouldn't you just come and talk to me?" he asked. "I did," I laughed humorlessly, "I did come and talk to you! I tried talking to you when you came here the day after the party, and I came to your house that night. But you wouldn't budge. Is that true or not?" I asked. I am so sick of it. I'm done pleading for forgiveness when I didn't do anything wrong. "I told you I didn't cheat, I told you I wasn't lying, I told you it was the drink. I told you so many times," I scoffed, my eyes tearing up, "I told you it was the drink. I guess I should have told you everything when I figured it out, but I doubt you'd believe me then." "Alex-" "I bet you would've thought I was making it all up so you didn't think I was cheating on you. I should have told you it was Hudson. I should have told you I remembered his car, I should have told you Abby saw him, I should have told you he knew where the spare key was. I should have told you everything. But now you tell, how does that matter if you don't trust me in the first place?" I kneeled in front of him to look him in the eyes. This was it. Once and for all. Either we work our way back up. Or we're done. This time, for good. "Alex, I would have believed you," he sighed. "You would have. But you didn't. If I need proof every time something happens to prove my innocence… that's wrong, Carter. We're supposed to trust each other. There won't be love without trust." "I do trust you." "Now you do. Because I proved to you that I didn't lie or cheat. Because you saw him put the pill in, didn't you?" He nodded, "I trust you, Alex. But I was so scared of getting hurt that I didn't realize not only was I not listening to you, but I was pushing you away myself," he explained. "Well, you did it. Congratulations. You managed to push me away." "I told you not to let me do that." "That isn't my job. If I would've stopped you, you would have felt like I was holding you back and trapping you. That's just as wrong. Carter, you don't trust me. Which is why we don't work." "Alex, come on-" I shook my head, "Please just go. I really don't wanna see you right now." "Are you mad that I wasn't there for you?" "Are you kidding me?" I scoffed, "You're not my babysitter. You were my boyfriend, you were supposed to trust me and be there for me. But you just blamed it all on me and left me." "I'm sorry! Okay? I'm sorry! I had no idea what I was doing, I've never been in love with someone before, nor have I had a girlfriend. I thought I was getting my heart broken. I thought you would break it, but I knew it was really just me doing that to myself! I'm sorry." "What do you want me to do?" I asked while standing up. "I want you to trust me when I tell you that I love you. When I promise to be there for you every time you need it. I will never leave you alone, I will always help you get through it. Whatever it is. Just trust me." "Trust you?" I scoffed. He sighed, holding his head in his hands. We had gone an entire week without talking. Without even looking at each other apart from class when we were forced to. And now… "Give me one good reason to trust you, Carter. One. And I'll do it." He thought for a moment before speaking up, "I can't give you one reason. There aren't any. I can only remind you that I love you. It's you I love, and this isn't about us fighting with each other, it's about us fighting against and working through the problem. Can you find it in you to trust me, Alex? Can you find it in you to love me again?" I stared at him, my arms folded across my chest, my jaw clenched, my tears flowing down my cheeks slowly. "You think I don't love you anymore? Really?" I asked. "I don't know, Alex. I wouldn't if someone hurt me like that, but you're not me. You have your own logic of forgiving people and seeing the good in them. I don't have that." He's the opposite. "I see the bad in people. I see the wrong in what they do. I see the hate they hold because nobody ever stuck by me. Nobody ever loved me. My family is fucked up beyond belief," he chuckled dryly, "I don't know love is. I didn't until you." What the hell do I do? I loved him. So, so, so much. I wanted him back more than anything. But what's the point if we just went ten steps back in our relationship? Ten steps we should have crossed, but apparently, we took a different route. "Who brought me here last night?" "What?" "Who brought me here last night, Carter? Who grabbed me when I passed out on the stairs?" He didn't answer for a really long time. "I did." "Why?" "Because I love you, Alex. And if I would have that last time, anything like that had even happened, I would not let anyone lay a finger on you. I brought you home, I tucked you in, changed you, I did it all. That's what boyfriends do." . . . .