Chapter 102 CHAPTER 102
Linc takes a sip of his wine. I can't help it, I mirror him. Except I drain the glass. I feel the dull thud of my heart as the red wine settles. A waiter appears out of nowhere to refill our glasses, Linc looks at me curiously across the table, he eyes the waiter like he wants to tell him not to refill my glass but sees that it is already too late, he eyes human and looks away. I can't wait for him to leave so Linc can answer my question. The need to know the answers press into me with an urgency that threatens to leave me breathless. I don't know what the hell I am doing bringing this up now but it is out and this is where we are.
Finally the waiter leaves and I grab the full glass of deep red wine, it is sweet and smoky on the tongue, perfect for the madness engulfing me. I gulp down more than a sip.
"Amelia, you should ease up on the wine." Linc says in a calm tone.
"You should answer a question when you are asked, Linc." I can't help the rebuttal that leaves my mouth.
Linc looks a line between amused and annoyed. I don't care. I guess five days is our limit of how long we can go without some issues coming up. And I am the one that is always coming up with some damn thing.
"Three months after the funeral. I met her at a work conference. It lasted three months." Linc says simply. Like it is no big deal. I should let it go but I can't help the gnawing suspicion I feel at his light handling of the questioning.
"How many others since then?"
"Really? Drop it, Amelia." Linc says, he picks up his fork to continue eating, a gesture to show that he is done with the topic. But I am not and he knows me better than to assume that I would just yield easily whenever we share differing views on something.
"I don't know why but I can't, Linc. So, for peace to reign and for us to go back to this wonderful night, I will like to know exactly how many women you have shared yourself with before me." It is my faux polite tone I use when I am mad at something but don't want them to pick up on it and become defensive too quickly before I get what I need.
"You want to talk about past lovers with me like I don't know exactly how your freshman year in college went." A tick in his jaw. His eyes are hard as they hold mine. But it is not anger in them. Or even just frustration. It is a mix of amusement, mild annoyance, teasing, and something more solid reflecting back at me. I recognise it because it is what I am currently feeling. Jealousy.
"Oh, now you have the good grace to blush." Linc raises a brow at me.
"You are deflecting." I say, knowing my face is hot.
Of course I knew he was watching. That was why I went that crazy in the first place anyway. I wanted him to know I was living my best life and I went about it the typical wrong way. Rolling around with the wrong crew. Sharing my body and sometimes, heart, with the wrong people.
I was fresh in my grief over how Kathryn died. It never occurred to me that my mother could die. She always seemed so larger than life. We didn't have the best relationship but the loss of her was acutely felt. It hit me like a punch to the head, I was disoriented for the longest time navigating what it all meant and a way forward.
I was hurting, I was young, and I went about the whole thing fucking anybody who called me pretty. It was a time in my life I don't enjoy looking back on. I moved across the city to get away from that life when I was done with it. With Linc's financial help, I was really free to do whatever. And I took the liberty to limits.
"Okay, I dated two other women. They all lasted as long as the first. There. Now, let's talk about your wild freshman year since apparently, it is important that we recount our individual past on this beautiful exclusive date night."
I don't miss the snark of sarcasm in his tone. But it doesn't bother me because I am just glad the tide of the conversation has shifted from the impending doom it was headed earlier.
"Why did they not last? Those three women, one must have passed the checkmark, assuming I know what your preferences are." I ask instead of following his question. He doesn't look mad about my past but I get the sense that he is not very pleased about it either. He is handling it the same matured laid back manner he handles everything.
"You know my preference. It is you." So smooth, I feel the butterflies erupt in my stomach. The ease with which he says it, like it is just facts and unrefutable.
But then again, we are playing a game of intelligent deflection. Subtle mind games that arouse and interest me. And I don't intend to lose, blushing like a virgin.
"Ha. Very smooth." I snort a laugh, not giving a hoot if it is unladylike considering the setting we are in because I know Linc doesn't care too.
"What? I am being honest." He pulls a smug look and I feel my clit jump. Fuck. He is too hot to even play successfully at being unassuming.
"Okay, Linc. Answer the question, I am actually really curious." It sounds almost too good to be true that he dated three women who were more in his league and didn't end up with one on his arm as the brand new Mrs. Dmitri.
I know how women get around him. I watched my mother with a sickening feeling of disgust purr and preen around him. They sink their claws into him and never let go except if they have a history of mental illness, like Kathyrn, because how could she cheat on him?
"I am serious, Amelia. Those women weren't you. I didn't know it at the time, but those relationships didn't last because I couldn't be fully present in them. I was always thinking about you. Worrying about you. Over the years. They couldn't understand it and we always drifted apart if they so much as expressed a concern or asked me to let you go." Linc holds my eyes, my heart melts at the intense sincerity in those dark stormy depths of his. My breath hitches, every single hint of teasing is off his features now and I can't breath around the swell of my heart at his beautiful words. Yet another confession I needed to hear.
"l kept tabs on you even when you were shredding my poor heart being wild that first year, but I knew it was how you chose to deal with the loss and I didn't interfere. I was content watching from afar and keeping you safe as best as I could. To be honest and not to sound cheesy, I dated because I needed a distraction from you. But here we are."
Linc gives me a heart-rending self conscious smile when he finishes. He reaches for my hand across the table, I offer him my hand and he brings it to his lips, pressing a light kiss to it. My heart flutters. This is the stuff of fairytales. How can this be real? How is he real? He asked me that earlier but I should be the one asking him.
I am calling it. I don't care. He won.
"Can we go home now?"