Chapter 27

The issues.

I hate when he talks like I don’t know him. London has changed him.

“I know about that deal that you made with Russians, Micah,” I say, knowing that he had to break his own rules and values to find me. A month ago he was a highly ranked detective, the youngest in the UK. Now he is no one, just a man that faces a prison sentence. I never truly realised how much he gave up just to keep me away from prison.

“Yeah, I assumed that she would tell you. They called in the middle of the night and asked me to be at certain place. It was some sort of abandoned warehouse or a factory. Some other Russian showed up and dragged me inside,” he explains, with heavy voice, looking away. I swallow hard, guessing where this story might be going. No one in their right mind would screw around with one of the Russian Mafia families.

“That doesn’t mean that you’re like him, Micah. We both know that you care for people. He never did.”

“Well, you don’t know what I’ve done. Inside that warehouse, one of Josh’s men was tide up to a pillar. That guy had no idea what was just about to happen, Tahlia … God, I’ll never forget that noise,” he says, covering his face with his palms. I get off the bed and walk to him. I’m afraid to touch him. Maybe he won’t like it.

“If it weren’t for you and Hunter, I would be dead already, Micah. Whatever happened, it doesn’t matter. We have to move past that,” I whisper.

“I tortured him, Tahlia. He had information about Rudolf and I needed to get the info out of him. I put a drill into his knee and then drilled it through. It was horrible. He screamed and there was blood, so much fucking blood. I have gone too far, even then I knew it, but I carried on anyway.” He clenches his fists until his knuckles are pale.

My heart feels heavy and painful. I have seen things, experienced the worst possible abuse, but I didn’t expect that Micah would do something like that, for me. There are always ways to deal with the consequences.

“That man, will he live?” I ask.

“Maybe. I don’t know what happened to him. I left him there with that Russian when we got what we wanted,” he continues. “That’s why you have to stay away from me. First I failed you, because I didn’t see the monster that was right in front of me. I still want revenge. Steph’s death cannot go unpunished. She was an innocent in all of this and I need to say goodbye to her. It’s been eight years.”

I force my tears away and place my hand on his chest, feeling the heartbeat.

“No, Micah, you are wrong about so much. You have only ever done what you felt you had to do. The situation with the Russians? They would have hurt you if you hadn’t done what you did. It was you or him and I’m glad it wasn’t you. We both have to move past that. Josh will get what is coming to him, but now is not the time. I want us to try again and I want you to know that I don’t hate you. I never could, not really,” I say, offering a hopeful smile.

Micah widens his green eyes and wets his lips. The silence stretches for minutes and we stare at each other for what seems like forever.

“Tahlia, please, I can’t. I have ruined your life. You are better off without me.”

“It’s done. We have both suffered enough. I have missed you, even when I was staying in that hotel I couldn’t stop thinking about our time in Braxton,” I say. “And yes, I want him dead as much as you do, but we have to stop thinking about vengeance, at least for now. At least today.”

Then I do something that he might not want, but I can’t stop my emotions from running their course. I kiss him softly, touching his lips like he did mine that first time in the library, when we didn’t have to worry about Rudolf or my scars. Our lips touch and Micah slams my body to his and deepens the kiss. My body melts into his, and every inch of me roars to tell him how much I want him.

The kiss shuts down bad memories from the past, the toxic things that I used to feel.

Then he pulls away, holding my face in his hands. His eyes are filled with resentment and pain.

“I can’t … we can’t do this. You need more time to heal,” he says. “There is something else that I have to tell you.”

“Micah, if I didn’t want this, I wouldn’t have let you touch me back in Braxton. You were the only man I ever allowed to touch my soul.”

“Love … I can’t—”

“You were the one that pulled me out of that hole, the one that saved me. I thought that I was dreaming that day, that I finally died. All these years before, I wished that I could have taken Steph’s place.”

“I have put you behind bars for no reason and I’ll never forgive myself. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. I used you,” he keeps arguing. It’s like he doesn’t want to let me in again.

I raise my voice. “Stop lying to yourself. We had something … you damn well know that you still love me.”

“I managed to get hold of Rogers. The police raided Josh’s new territory and they found new evidence that links him to Suranne Wallace’s death. Do you know what that means?”

I step away from him and rub the nape of my neck.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“You might get cleared of all the charges. You can have your life back.”

“What about Josh? Do … do they have him too?” I ask, and then laugh. They can’t have rat. This would be too easy, too good to be true. It’s odd to call the man that caused me so much pain by his real name. Micah brings me closer to his body, which can only mean one thing. Josh managed to get away, like always.

“No, he wasn’t there, but that doesn’t matter. Rogers is certain that he is back in London. It’s just a matter of time before I find him, Tahlia. You don’t have to worry. He will never hurt you again.”

I shut my eyes, inhaling his scent that makes me instantly calm. My heart is still racing away. Maybe Micah is right, there is still a chance for me to have my life back, but that won’t happen as long as Josh keeps living and breathing.

“What about you? What about your career?” I ask, pulling away from him. “If we can prove that it was a set-up then maybe they will overlook your insubordination?”

“No, Tahlia, this is never going to happen. I’m done with doing things the right way. Now it’s time to take matters into my own hands,” Micah argues. “Come on, let’s lie down. You have been on your feet all day and we both know that you’re not fully recovered yet.”

“Fine, but only if you wrap yourself around me. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

He agrees with some hesitation. After all this time we still can’t have the same closeness we used to have. I close the door and climb on the bed.

Micah takes off his T-shirt and jeans and climbs onto the bed with me. When his arms are wrapped around my waist, I instantly forget about the fact that he doesn’t think he is good enough for me. We end up watching a movie on Tequila’s laptop for the rest of the evening. We don’t need words to communicate. Deep down I know he can’t keep pretending that he is empty and that he can’t love me. He is too afraid, but I don’t recognise any flaws anymore. Micah has grown and become a better man.

I don’t even know when I begin to drift, imagining living a different life with the man that loves me, where I have never been hurt, burned or beaten. It’s always been happy, and that hole in the wall never existed.

When the morning light wakes me up, I realise that the space next to me is empty. Micah must have gotten up earlier. I lie there for a moment, trying to deal with overwhelming misery and sadness. Rat is still out there and now he is going to become Micah’s obsession. I wish he could die. I wish he could disappear from this world forever.

The clock is showing just after nine. My left side is still a bit sore, and when I get up and look at myself in the mirror in the bathroom it looks like most of the bruising is healing nicely, and the swelling has faded. I still have died black hair. Since I have been in the house, I haven’t had a chance to think about going back to blond or pink. I brush my teeth wondering if Micah has gone out or if he just wasn’t ready to wake up with me in the morning.

My friend Tequila barges inside once I’m dressed and ready to face another day. She must have been up early because her hair is done up and she has full makeup on. This isn’t like her. Normally she doesn’t pay much attention to her appearance at all.

“I’m going to strangle him. Seriously, why does he have to be here all the time?” she asks, pacing around the room.

“Who are we talking about?”

“Hunter, the arsehole. He insisted on making pancakes this morning when I wanted to an omelette,” she complains, checking her hair in the mirror.

“Oh no … breakfast, that’s terrible,” I say, not able to hide the smile.

“Shut up, and cut the sarcasm,” she snaps.

“Just say it. I’ll understand it, Tequila. You like this guy. That’s why you act like you’re mad all the time.”

She widens her eyes on me, still trying to pretend like she has no idea what I’m talking about.

“Like him? Are you out of goddamn mind? I don’t trust him. He is arrogant and abrupt,” she argues, fuming. “And while we are on the subject, what is going on with your prince?”

I look away and start brushing my hair.

“Nothing, but at least he is talking to me now. Things are still complicated and I’m worried that he will do something stupid.”

“Just remind him why he fell for you in the first place. Drop your clothes for him after a shower or something … I don’t know. You guys have gone through enough. Maybe it’s time to push whatever is holding him back and admit to your feelings.” Tequila opens the door to the bedroom to leave, but I grab her elbow.

“Admit it, Hunter is bloody hot and you like him. The only problem is that you won’t make the first move?”

Tequila starts working her jaw and pulls her hand away from mine.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Besides, men should always make the first move, not women,” she blurts out and slams the door behind her.

I smile, knowing that I scored. She likes the guy, but she won’t even admit it to herself. A few minutes later I head downstairs. Micah has gone out early, but this time with Hunter. I spend the rest of the day watching the clock and playing Monopoly with Kiki.

Late in the evening after Tequila helps me with dinner, I head upstairs, hoping to get distracted. I have no idea how long I’ll have to stay in her house, but the truth is that I have nowhere else to go. I want to start over somewhere else, but things are difficult right now.

In the end I decide to take a relaxing bath. I grab a towel and lock myself inside, trying to stretch the muscles that I haven’t used for a while. My ribcage is painful, but I’m making progress. When the water is ready and I get in, I feel great. It’s bliss soaking in the warm water and not thinking about the past at all. I finally feel good, being surrounded by friends, people that care about me. The man that wants to control me might be close, but I’m no longer afraid of what he can do to me. Hunter has given me another knife that I keep on me all the time. Maybe the fact that I got rid of the fear made me stronger and wiser.

I stay in the bathtub for as long as I can, then wrap my flushed body in the towel and get back to the bedroom. I stop in my tracks, noticing Micah’s rucksack is on the floor. He is downstairs. He and Hunter most probably came back earlier. Then, out of the blue I remember what Tequila said this morning:

You have to remind him why he fell for you in the first place.

He rejected me yesterday, all because he had done something unforgivable. Maybe I can just encourage him a little bit to be himself again. Several minutes later after weighing some pros and cons, I hear heavy steps. We are not alone and it might not even be Micah, but who cares? I’m ready to claim him.

When he steps inside the room I turn around and drop the towel. The excitement rolls over my spine and the tension suddenly becomes unbearable. I feel his eyes on me, zooming over my tattoos, so I slowly turn around.

When our eyes meet I know that this is my only chance to make him mine again.