Chapter 63 - Lost II - The Royal Hybrid

Hayden’s POV

We hadn’t even… We hadn’t started yet and now… Now it was over.

It happened so fast that I didn’t want to believe it. But how could I ignore what was right in front of me? How could I argue with something that not only happened to me but to Gabriel as well and then in front of so many? I couldn’t deny it. It happened and it was over.

Just as fast as it had begun, it was over.

Done.

Just like that.

“Hayden?”

My dad’s voice was gentle as if he was trying not to push me too much, but just talking to him hurt.

Talking to anyone hurt.

“Hayden? You need to eat,” he pleaded but I ignored it as I had been for the past two days.

I didn’t feel like eating, hell I didn’t even feel like being alive. If I had to count the number of times, I had considered clawing my own heart out of my chest just to make this pain go away, I would run out of fingers to count on.

But I knew I couldn’t.

I was all he had left now and no matter how much I wanted to make the hurt stop, I wouldn’t want to inflict more hurt on him than he already had.

I was all he had and now he was all I had.

“We need to do something Lia,” I heard him whisper.

Our Luna was here?

“They can’t continue like this. They will end up starving themselves to death,” he continued.

They? Gabriel wasn’t eating either?

Despite me being numb from the other pain, it somehow hurt me more knowing he was in the same poor state as I was. I wanted him to eat. I wanted him to be better.

“Sweetie… They just lost their mate,” she said her voice cracking.

Mate… What a funny word. Just one word, four letters… The same with love. Love… Such a funny little word with endless meanings. Love for a family member, love for an object or even a place, and then the endless love for that one person. That one person that can either truly heal you or leave you in ruins, ruins so catastrophic that they can never ever be rebuilt or healed.

“I am aware of that, but she was your daughter, and you-“

“I am still standing because I am the Luna of this pack and you know as well as I do that the bond, we had with her is nothing and will never be nothing compared to the mate bond they had,” she sighed. “You know that just as I do. It doesn’t mean I’m not hurting over the loss of my daughter but.. Imagine if this was Ryan,” she mumbled, and I could hear my dad suck in a breath. “Exactly. That momentarily pain you just felt just thinking about it, that is what he is feeling now constantly. It is not something you get over so easily and as you know he might never…”

“He could die if he continues,” he said slowly, his voice trembling. “He could-“

“He could yes but he won’t,” she assured him.

I wanted to thank her for saying that. I wanted to tell her that she was right, but my mouth wouldn’t move just like my body wouldn’t.

Was I even breathing? Was my chest rising and falling with every breath? It had to, right? Since I still felt the pain, I had to be breathing, right?

“How do you know?”

“Because he and Gabriel might have shared a mate, but in some way, they were mates too and this pain he is in, is the same as Gabriel is in. He knows that if he follows Tatiana…” she trailed off at the mentioning of her daughter’s name.

“He will inflict more pain on Gabriel,” he sighed understanding.

“Yeah.”

Gabriel… She was right. He was my mate too. I had to get to him.

“Hayden where are you-“

“Let him be,” Luna Talia said quickly. “I think talking about Gabriel might have triggered something.”

I didn’t even register that I was moving until I felt the cold and soft blow of wind on my face as I was passing the window my dad had opened earlier. I looked down slightly and saw how my legs moved; how one was put in front of the other with every step I took. I couldn’t feel them and yet they moved.

I watched as my hand reached for the door handle and twisted it. I felt the shift in the air as I stepped into the hallway. I felt the many stares that came from whoever was standing out there, but I didn’t care.

I didn’t care…

I barely even noticed Zaya walking up to me and if she hadn’t been speaking to me I wouldn’t have stopped.

“Hayden, you shouldn’t be out walking around,” she cooed in the softest voice I had ever heard her speak in. “You should be in bed.”

I couldn’t answer her.

Once again, I tried to get my mouth to form the words, I had in my mind but I simply couldn’t. Instead, I just shook my head, or at least I think I did before I continued walking at a slow pace to the room, I knew he was in.

I could feel Zaya’s eyes on my back and I knew both the Luna and my dad were walking behind me ready to interfere if anything terrible would happen, not that I believed anything worse could happen after this.

I opened the door slowly and listened to the sound of the henges creaking as I did. I didn’t know what to prepare for but I was prepared to see him look like anything but himself.

My eyes first followed the floor until they met with his bed sheets that hung over the edge only half an inch away from touching the ground.

My eyes then followed the floorboards, intensely following the line between them before they finally caught a glimpse of his dark hair that was being ruffled up by the gush of wind.

He was sitting in front of the open window, his arms hugging his knees as close to his chest as possible, probably trying to squeeze out the pain as I had been myself. My heart which I thought couldn’t possibly hurt more than it already did, clenched at the sight of him and I felt myself choke back a sob.

I with slow movements moved closer to him, trying to embrace myself for when he would finally look my way, but he didn't.

He didn’t even give away whether he had heard me or not, he didn’t as much as flinch and even when I was right beside him, kneeling down to be able to see his face, he kept staring ahead out into nothing.

His breathing was shallow, sometimes with breaths so far away from one another that I questioned if he was even breathing at all, but then when the slow steady breath came, I relaxed.

I glanced at him one last time, to see how his glass-like eyes stared out of the window at the same spot and only blinked every once in a while.

Did I look just as bad?

A part of me wanted to hug him, to just embrace him, but I couldn't. My body wouldn't do it no matter how strong the urge was and besides... If I didn't wish to be touched, I doubted he did.

I instead rested my palm on the ground behind me before I lowered myself completely onto the floor, trying to find a spot of my own to stare at. I folded my legs and rested my arms on my thighs, my palms barely an inch from each other.

There was no awkwardness in the silence. No, it was peaceful, calm, and understanding... Despite the silence and lack of acknowledgment, a lot of unspoken words were being shared between us. He knew what I was going through just as I knew what went through his mind. A lot of thoughts, a lot of questions, and at the same time, absolutely nothing.

I had tried to hold it in, I had tried not to show it, but I couldn't stop that one rogue tear that had escaped my eye and now at its own pace, made its way down my cheek.

It was only then he showed me that he knew I was there. I felt the warmth of his cheek first and rather unexpectedly as it rested on my shoulder, and then with every gush of wind that came from the open window, that very same spot on my shoulder became cold. It didn’t take me long to realize that he was crying too, wetting the before dry and warm fabric of my shirt.

He was crying the same tears as I was.

The tears of lost love.