Chapter 17 Momma
AUDREY
I watched the little specks of dust float in the air into nothingness. The salty taste that lingered on my lips had not yet faded, the cruel reality that was my life slipping through the cracks. I tightened my hands around my legs, burying my head further into my knees.
Another sob wracked through my body, my chest tightening the more as an overwhelming sense of pain overtook me. I knew it wasn't mine, it had to be his, was he as sad as I was? Really?
I was miserable, all the hope that once gleamed in my eyes had been dimmed, all the light and joy in them darkened with my soul.
I had no idea for how long I stayed here but I hadn't seen another person for as long as I could recall. Faye had tried severally to get me to open up and take the food she unfailingly brought every single day but I refused.
She tried time and time again to convince me to get up and at least lay on the bed but I ignored her, turning over to the other side, away from her face.
She always let out an exaggerated sigh before walking out, leaving the tray of delicacies on a seat. The door sways as she walks in, going to remove the tray only to see it untouched. She would glance at me, shaking her head back and forth before picking the tray and walking out of the room with a saddened expression on her face.
I felt horrible, like I was disgusted with my own skin, my body, my life. Everything made me want to cry my eyes out and that was exactly what I did. I felt empty, like a vessel without a soul. Hope was the only thing that kept me alive even after everything; after mother and father were taken from me, after I was treated less than dirt. But now I had lost my will to go on. All I could do now was lay here and wait till dehydration or hunger killed me and I could go meet my parents and finally be happy.
The spectrums of the moon twinkles down on my form, the parted curtains giving way for her mocking smile that shone down on me. She was smiling at my grief, at my defeat. She had finally broken me, she had succeeded in ruining me. She had won.
The stars littered the skies, their glory being overshadowed by the moon. Like a thief she stole their soft twinkle. I remember once loving the moon, her ethereal beauty, her magnificence. Everything about her amazed me, it amazed me how after everything; after every storm, every cold blizzard she would shine brightly through it all.
She never stopped shining, her white flakes illuminating everything in its wake, leaving no room for darkness beneath her. I idolized her, I promised to be like her, to make everything better than it was, to see the beauty in everything and look for the good side of it.
But now. Now the moon seemed to smile, mocking me. The flowers looked less vibrant and more like the dullness of my soul. Maybe it was because I lost my hope, my way of seeing the beauty in everything.
Maybe it was because I had forgotten the warmth my mother once gave me. She stroked my hair, massaging my scalp with her magical fingers as we sat in front of the fireplace, my head in her lap. She would wrap her hand knitted shawl around me, the fabric would radiate of her lavender scent as it filled my nostrils.
She would hum my favorite tune to me, continuing to run her fingers through my hair as I focused on the crisp crackling of the wood that burnt ever so brightly.
She was my color, the very thing that gave me purpose. She taught me how to look at a flower with so much fascination and utter adoration. I would watch her stare at the flowers in our backyard lawn.
She would carefully take very good care of each and every one of them, but one specific flower piqued my interest, one flower always felt different and stood out among the rest. Her red petals were described in every single book I had read and to say I was obsessed would be an understatement.
Roses were so rare. We didn't have any on our backyard lawn but mama had seen them before.
"They are the rarest and most unique type of flowers. I believe you will see one some day my dear and when you do, don't forget to adore its unique beauty and ironic nature" she would say.
"Life is just like a rose my dear" she would begin soon after, readjusting so I was laying right in her lap. "It can be beautiful like a rose but don't forget a rose always has thorns, the sharpest of thorns. But you see that despite the thorns a rose carries it looks so beautiful and always stands out" she smiled, looking down at me
I focused my gaze on the reflection of the raging fire in her eyes as she uttered the next words like she knew everything would go wrong after that night, "I want you to be like the rose. Wear all your scars with a smile on your face. Let your beautiful smile and your personality shine like the moon. I want you to be the moon in the dark skies of whoever"
She ran a hand down my cheeks, her eyes taking in every feature of my face as if to memorize this moment like it would be our last. "Be the reason someone looks up to the moon and thanks the Goddess for their life. Be the light my dear. Promise me" she whispered, her eyes begging me.
"I-i promise mama" I murmur. She pulled me into her grasp, holding me so tight I didn't know where I ended and where mama began, but I wasn't complaining. If only I knew that would be the last time I'd feel her touch and the last time I'd see dad watch us from his rocking chair with the broadest smile on his face as he joined in on the hug.
A lone tear slipped down my cheek,creating a pathway for the rest as they began falling uncontrollably as I recalled my parents. They were life mates, made by the moon goddess for each other. It was very rare to find your life mate. Some found them at a very old age while others, the few lucky souls, had a bond so strong their fates were interwoven and they met under very uncommon circumstances. Mother and father were one of those.
They met during mother's marriage. She was betrothed to another, an Alpha, a very powerful Alpha. He hadn't found his mate yet so he settled for the most beautiful woman in the North region, my mama. She didn't protest because their alliance would mean good things for her village.