Chapter 121 Line of succession
"I love you so fucking much, never forget that"
As I held her in my arms in this exact moment everything I had ever wished for was staring at me, big doe eyes that were so fucking intoxicating that I could drown in them all day.
The goddess never answered my prayers but I would still pray that the day will never come where I'd have to learn how to sleep without my little one by my side, her pale miniscule form tangled in the sheets. I would pray that the day would never come where she would look at me with hatred or anything less than love because if it were to happen I will say for certain that I would die, I would fucking die if the look of love, adoration and desire in her eyes would change, contort into one of fear, hatred and resentment, it would break me.
Completely shatter me into pieces.
I wish things could be different, I wish I could tell her everything about my creation, my birth, my past, I wish I could tell her without the fear of loosing her. The goddess granted me this gift, I was unworthy and I sure as hell still are but I will do everything in my power to make sure Audrey stays with me forever.
For all of fucking eternity. I would like to believe that a part of her would still be able to look at me when she hears everything I'd done, she would still be able to touch me with so much tenderness and not look at me differently but that was asking too much. It would he asking too much of her to still want me after finding out the atrocities I had committed, after finding the monster I really am.
She would run away terrified and I would let her, for as much as I was indeed a monster I would never force her to stay after she finds out the truth. I just didn't have it in me.
Maybe one day I'd tell her, maybe one day I would sit her down and explain everything to her but until then, until I was certain I was ready I had to make sure she never suspected nor found out anything.
It would be a lot harder and weigh even heavier on my conscious knowing I won't be able to mark my little one. She wouldn't carry the mark on her neck that simblised the soul tie between my wolf and her. Her naked throat would never hold my initials seal. It hurt to accept that fact and I know it would hurt her more when I eventually have to tell her, explaining to her why I wouldn't be able to give her what every married woman in Bludhàven was entitled to. It would make people point fingers, not at me but at her, they would question her character and her self respect and it would hurt her.
Only the elders and Ryker knee about my origin. None of my subjects knew, the only piece of information they had on me was concerning the mysterious aura that deemed to cloud my very person. They could feel the power and dominance radiating off me but they couldn't trace it. They all both feared and respected me while the others, the foolish ones like Vandal dared to challenge my authority and fell by my hands.
The least I could do was ensure no questions, no gossip or hurtful words reached the ears of my beloved sensitive mate. I would kill all rumors from the source, I would uproot them right from their roots.
Anything. I would do anything for the love of my life. She deserved so much better and I would be better, just for her, all for her.
~
AUDREY
I inhale a deep breath, trying to calm my erratic heart.
Six hours after my meeting with Darius and it was time, all the people in Darius's court were piled up in the grand ball room, awaiting my arrival.
I felt a militia of nerves march down my spine, making a drop of sweat trickle down the side of my head. I tightly fisted my ring in my hand, haven removed it so non of my ladies take notice of it. But now that they had left the room I slipped it back on, my hands trembling.
I run my hands down the length of my dress, taking in deep breaths in a futile attempt to calm myself.
Just breathe Audrey, inhale and exhale. I tried to follow such a simple action, the simplest action I had been performing since birth, to breathe, top open my lungs so air could flow through but I was thinking too much, too hard. So hard that the simple action felt like the hardest I ever had to do. Panting heavily I got up from the seat in front of my dressing mirror and settled in front of the full frame mirror that had been left in my chambers. Looking myself over I continued to walk around, my feet having a mind of their own and taking me in circles.
It wasn't like j was about to walk down those stairs with my fiance- soon to be husband and announce in front of the whole of werewolf and human kind alike that we were engaged to be married. The first union between two different species, two species in which one had dominated for centuries. I was a victim of such domination and now I, a former omega to the Silver Moon pack was engaged to the king of the realm, the one to bring a change, a shift in the line of succession. To tell everyone that they will be ruled by a human and a wolf, to tell everyone that their future heir will be a half blood, of both my blood and the blood of their king.
It's not like we were changing the fate of millions of people or anything. Of course we were! Using my hand to rapidly flutter across my face I tried to calm down, continuing my turtorous steps. Settling on the bed my dress puffed out around me, not even letting me see my own legs. Suddenly another wave of anxiety came crashing into me with so much speed. What if I tripped on my dress? Maybe I should change. I got up, taking hasty steps to the mirror where I looked myself up and down. The red and gold of the dress looked gorgeous on me, admittedly. But what if it was too much?