Chapter Twenty-Two
His words had stabbed her deep, leaving an open sore behind. She realized them for what they were—anger and frustration at her interference. They’d emerged in fury. Thus, most likely, he really didn’t believe or mean them at all, had just thrown them at her like a fast ball, trying to injure her as he felt she’d wounded him. Over and over again, she’d pushed them aside, refocusing on the real issue at hand.
Oakley re-evaluated the wisdom of connecting Tanner and Dr Miller for the tenth time. No matter how she surveyed it, she wouldn’t change anything. Deep down, she knew Dr Miller remained Tanner’s best shot at getting counseling. Without it, she feared his premonition of dying in the line of duty would come true—something she desperately wanted to avoid at all costs. Not just for her selfish reasons, but for Tanner. After everything he’d lived through, endured, and continued to do, he rightly deserved some happiness in life. For that to happen, demons had to be vanquished, and he desperately needed solid coping skills to take control over his volatile emotions when a trigger sent him reeling into the past. The only way she could see that happening rested with Dr Miller breaking through Tanner’s steely resolve and stigmatized view of psychologists.
Oakley curled up and rested her chin on her knees. If she needed to trade her one chance at love in her life for Tanner’s lifetime of peace and contentment, then so be it. She would sacrifice anything to help him.
Tears trickled down her cheeks as the pain of a broken heart overcame her steely resolve. She never cried. Long ago, she had learned from experience that crying never helped.
Her mind flashed back to her own past. Sarah. Her former roommate. They’d communicated for a couple of months after the traumatic event, each email coming further and further apart before they had ceased altogether. Sarah had said she didn’t blame Oakley for what had happened. Oakley didn’t argue, but also couldn’t quite believe the young woman. Too little time had passed for Sarah to make such judgments.
That was seven years ago. Not for the first time, Oakley wondered what had happened to her old friend. Had she been able to move forward in life? Was she happy?
Her advice to Tanner ran through her head. If you’re going to talk the talk, you have to walk the walk. Maybe she, too, had been avoiding her past lately, never completing the circle. There was only one way that she could think of to do just that. “It’s worth a try.”
As soon as she fired up the laptop, she went online, and opened her email account. A few clicks of the keyboard later, she hit the send button. “Okay, Sarah, the ball’s in your court.”
She felt a tiny bit better for at least doing something. Anything. Fighting for who and what she believed in.
Unfortunately, she had no clue how to go about fixing the large rift between her and Tanner, if such a thing was even possible. She held no illusions that Tanner would show up on her doorstep with flowers and an apology. No. She’d rolled the dice and lost. If only something good came of her loss.
Rubbing her sleeve across her face, she soaked up the last tears and drew in a deep breath.
I can’t give up on him. Not at the first bump in the road.
Determination caught a foothold and latched on tight. She had to do something. Unsure where to begin, she ran ideas through her head, quickly discarding each until one proved solid.
After picking up the phone, she dialed her former boss.
He picked up on the second ring. “Hello?”
“Hi, Dr Miller.”
“Oakley. Are you okay?”
She nodded and swallowed. “Yeah. Tanner’s really upset.”
“I saw. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not his fault. I shouldn’t have gone behind his back, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
“You can’t force people to change.”
She sighed. “I know.” Bracing herself, she asked the question bursting in her head. “Do you think once he has a chance to calm down, he’ll come back. Is there any hope?”
He chuckled softly. “Let me tell you something. I’ve never known a strong, stubborn man to give up on something good without a fight.”
“Meaning?” She waited with bated breath.
“Meaning that man loves you, whether he’s admitted it or not. Sure, he’s pissed off right now, but given time, he’ll come around.”
She wanted to hold those words as a promise. “How do you know?”
“Because he’s a lot like I was at that age. Hot-headed and too stubborn to speak up when there’s a problem. Typical Marine who thinks he’s above all the psychological issues. To confess they have problems is to admit defeat.”
“He’s a proud man,” she whispered softly.
“He has a good reason to be.”
“I don’t know what else to do.”
“Nothing worth fighting for is easy, Oakley. You know that. Just give him some time.”
She found his advice sound—not necessarily what she wanted to hear, but practical. “Okay.”
“Call me if you need me.”
“Will do. Thanks again for helping him.”
“It’s what I do.” He clicked off.
Hercules trotted over and rested his head in her lap. She petted his big head in appreciation. “I might have lost Tanner.”
He whimpered and nudged her stomach.
She sent up a prayer and soaked up the solace Hercules offered.