Chapter Twenty
“How’s Oakley?”
Tanner found himself grinning at the vague question posed by Dr Miller. “She’s great.” He picked up another slice of pizza and started eating.
“I’ve seen that look before. Are you two officially a couple now?” Dr Miller bit down into his piece and chewed, his gaze meeting Tanner’s.
“You could say that.” Tanner found the topic of Oakley refreshing, even though he felt as though this was a trial run for what he would face in speaking to Oakley’s father. He had no doubt her former boss still had her best interests at heart.
“Glad to hear it. She needs someone like you.” He took a drink. “I was afraid, with her past, she’d never give a decent man a chance.”
Not totally surprised that Dr Miller knew of Oakley’s experiences, Tanner swallowed before answering. “I guess we just clicked right off the bat. We trust one another. And we’re good together.”
A pause followed.
“Is that code for you love one another?” Dr Miller’s lips curled up.
Tanner grinned. If he was talking to Spoon, he’d probably spit out some smartass comment and a one fingered salute. Instead, the older man, much like Oakley’s father figure, probably wouldn’t appreciate the gesture.
Love. A hard emotion to describe. Do I love Oakley? His heart didn’t seize in panic nor did he get cold chills. Yet, he couldn’t say without a doubt that his feelings ran quite that deep. “Too soon to tell.”
“Fair enough, but let me give you some advice. She’s one special lady—loyal, caring, and she’ll stand beside you no matter what. There aren’t many like her around.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Do I need to get my gun out now and clean it while we have the talk?” Dr Miller’s eyes flashed with amusement.
Tanner burst out laughing. “Only if I get to do the same.” He, for one, wouldn’t be deterred by such a warning. Hell, he’d sit right down next to the guy, pull out one of his weapons, and start polishing.
“Sounds like a deal to me.”
They ate in companionable silence for a little while longer.
“Oakley tells me you’re a Medal of Honor recipient.”
Tanner bit into his slice of pizza and shrugged. An old wound on his soul tore open at just the slightest at the mere mention of the stupid recognition.
“They don’t give those to just anyone,” Dr Miller added before sipping his drink.
The early afternoon sun beat down on them as they sat out on the terrace, not quite hot but just enough to ward the chill of the metal chairs away. A handful of people wandered by, most too engrossed with their own lives to pay much attention to Tanner. Just the way he liked it.
“Dr Miller…”
“Like I said before, please call me Frank. Doctor makes me feel old.”
Tanner grinned slightly. “Frank, I’d rather not discuss this.”
Sitting back in his seat, Frank set his drink back down on the table. His gaze locked on Tanner as he sat in silence for a few beats.
Dropping the crust back on his plate, Tanner wiped his hands on his napkin, suddenly losing his appetite. His gut churned at the thought of that fucking medal. And the last thing he wanted to do on a pretty day was enter into a discussion about how he came about the stupid thing.
“I see a lot of myself in you.”
Perplexed, Tanner glanced up to his new friend. “How so?”
Frank used his napkin then leaned forward enough to rest his elbows on the table between them. “When I came back from the war, I was a changed man.”
“No shit.”
Frank smiled. “Preaching to the choir, buddy.” He drew in a quiet breath. “My problem was that even though I physically left that fucking hellhole of a jungle behind, my mind remained. Angry, lost, and with no damn clue of how to fit back into society, I struggled.”
Tanner listened intently, finding that Frank’s confession did mirror his own experience.
“I dabbled in things I’m not proud of, turned to the bottle for a while. But nothing I tried made the nightmares go away, returned my humanity or gave me more than a few numb moments of peace.” Frank fiddled with his napkin as if his nerves sought an outlet. “Then one day, I hit rock bottom and realized a few things. I’d lost control of my life and I was letting that shitty war win.”
“What did you do?” Intrigued, Tanner took a long swallow of his soda and waited. While they’d talked a couple of times before, the conversation had stayed light and breezy. Most vets didn’t care to discuss the past or the continued suffering that still existed, much preferring to leave those nightmares locked away. Tanner was no exception. Thus, he’d been hesitant to even broach the subject. Hell, he’d done his damnedest to avoid the topic, but now that Frank had opened up, he needed to gain some insight into how Frank beat the odds and appeared damn happy after all he’d been through.
“I educated myself and came to the understanding that there’s a hell of a lot of fucked up things in war that a man’s not meant to see. The burden soldiers have carried for ages, I’m sure. Still, our minds aren’t programmed to see such horrors. So I tucked all those living nightmares away, locked the door and threw away the key. Only that trick doesn’t work. Like a festering wound, the images will always find a way to leak out, even if only at night in your dreams.” He took another sip. “Those are the lucky ones. Most of us have no idea what potential sight, smell, or sound will bring flashbacks. But I can tell you this—you have to let the demons out before you can begin to deal with them.”
Tanner sat up straight, the hairs on the back of his neck standing at attention. Something felt contrived, putting him immediately on the defensive. Sure, veterans spoke of the consequences and difficulties after returning home, but most preferred to forget those experiences ever happened. Him included. Not that he’d found success going down that route. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I’ve been in your shoes and recognize the signs.”
Sucking in air, Tanner prodded further, needing to quell a burning feeling. “You saw a shrink.”
Frank nodded. “Learned a lot from the man. He set me on my present path, to be honest. I’ve never regretted it once.”
A lump formed in Tanner’s throat. Surely not. For once he couldn’t be wrong. “What path?”
Frank met his gaze steadily. “I’m a practicing psychologist, Tanner, specializing in helping soldiers returning from action.”
His heart stuttered as the puzzle pieces clicked into place. “Oakley.”
“She’s concerned about you, about the guilt you carry.”
Tanner threw down his napkin as a cauldron of rage exploded deep inside. She had betrayed him to a shrink. Set him up, hoping Dr Miller could worm his way under Tanner’s skin then swoop in. “She had no right. My life is none of her fucking business.” He scowled at the man still sitting before him. “Just like it’s none of yours.” He clenched his fists, grappling for control amidst the greatest fury in his life. He narrowed his eyes at the older man then turned on his heel and stormed off.
He might be able to forgive Frank for his part in this scheme, but Oakley would bear the brunt of her folly. He’d make sure.
Deep inside, his heart cracked wide open. Ignoring the pain, he wrapped the cloak of betrayal around him and allowed the emotion to feed his anger.