Chapter 17 - Serious

Lilith:

I try not to think despondent when I recall everything that happened with my son and Lucifer. Considering everything that I’ve done, I don’t blame them for hating me. Yet, it stings because they have never given me the benefit of the doubt. They saw me at the island and jumped to conclusions.

I also try not to soften toward Cain, but he can be so infuriatingly arrogant and sweet at the same time that I don’t know what to feel. Right now, he’s discussing any possible leads about the arrow with one of his contacts.

While he talks to his contact, I sort through Edda’s ancient tome, hoping to develop a solution for the arrow and the siphon. Search within your darkness. Only in blood will redemption be found, and in atonement, beat the darkness. I think over and over again.

I stop at a page with the arrow and look at the illustrations but come up with nothing.

Cain enters the room at that moment, his expression grim, which tells me that he’s also out of ideas.

“Anything?” I ask.

Cain sifts his fingers through his hair and shakes his head, “No, he said the book is the only existing record of Hod's temple.”

I puff out a frustrated breath and toss the book down on the bed. “I read it over and over, but there’s not a bloody thing that would explain why the arrow didn’t work.

I pace in place, “The only real clue we received was in the crown, Search within your darkness. Only in blood will redemption be found, and in atonement, beat the darkness. I don’t understand why he repeats the word darkness so much, but it feels like there might be something we missed.”

Cain looks down at the book, his brow furrowed with confusion, “The only darkness in that temple was the darkness deep in the chamber we had to traverse through.”

I bite my lower lip, “do you think there might be something down there?”

He shrugs, “I honestly do not know. However, perhaps there is something we missed. It doesn’t hurt to try.”

I scoff incredulously, “Did you forget that we lose our powers when we go into that bloody temple?”

Cain shakes his head, “I know, luv. But it’s all we have.”

Seeing that there’s no other thread we can follow, I puff out a breath and nod, “Alright, let’s go then. But we have to be careful. I don’t know if Lucifer or Fallon have discovered that I’m missing, but they’ll probably just kill me outright if they find me.

Cain’s jaw ticks with untold emotion and his fists tighten, “They won’t do another bloody thing to you. I won’t let them.”

I take a deep breath, trying not to let his impassioned words make me soften. Tough I believe him when he says that what occurred between us has nothing to do with his parents, I know that it’s best to not get involved any further.

“Just don’t… don’t hurt them. Lucifer and Fallon mean well. They’re just a bit misguided right now…even Lucifer.”

I need to make it clear that I do not want anyone to get hurt over this. I know that Lucifer and Fallon judged me harshly, but I still hold no remorse toward them. I just can’t give in to any of the old anger, not after what Lucifer did for me. And Fallon is just following a pattern of animosity that I set with my treatment of him.

Fallon would never understand the daily struggle I felt whenever I was around him. The darkness was nearly overpowering back then. For some reason, whenever I’d see him, I’d feel this overwhelming rage overtake me. A very small part of me that still had a flicker of control knew that I couldn’t hurt him, so I sent him to be cared for by my servants. However, even then, I would lose my restraint when he'd come around. Sometimes I’d strike him and beat him. Sometimes, I’d find a way to overcome the darkness, and I’d push him away before I’d do any real damage. Unfortunately, the guilt that would assail me after I’d hurt him was always short-lived. The darkness would never allow me to feel any emotion other than hate.

It’s only now that the darkness is no longer living inside me that I feel all of this debilitating guilt and remorse I should have felt then.

Cain nods, “I understand.”

“So, when do you want to leave to the falls?”

He arches a brow and moves closer, “We’ll leave this evening. I don’t want to traverse through the darkness, and you should take a moment before we jump into another adventure.”

I shake my head, “I don’t need a moment. We’ll go now.”

Cain puffs out a frustrated breath and approaches, “You are so bloody stubborn, Lil. For once, just let me care for you.”

I look away, keeping my face hidden behind the curtain of my hair, “Why do you keep pushing this, Cain? You know that this...” I gesture between us, “…this is wrong. We shouldn’t have ever happened?”

His brow furrows, “No, I don’t agree, luv,” he takes my hand and pulls me to him.

I know I should resist, but my body feels otherwise, “You don’t need to agree. You’re Adam’s son.” I whisper breathlessly.

Cain’s lip quirks at my tone, “It has been thousands of years, Lilith. My mother and father are long gone from this world.”

He angles his head and kisses the tip of my nose gently, “You were never his. But you are mine.”

I shake my head, but I don’t resist when he nips my lower lip, “I think we were meant to be Lilith,” he whispers huskily, “Though your life was horrible after my father’s rejection, you would have probably been just as miserable with my him. Adam was a brutally controlling bastard who kept my mother beneath his thumb. He’d beat my mother for merely breathing, and my mother would thank him for it because she was a docile flower with very little thought beyond my father’s needs.”

I shake my head, but he continues, “Do not mistake it. I loved my mother, but I knew that she was a weak-willed woman who would do anything for my father, and in the end, she proved me right when she betrayed me.”

This time, the kiss is longer and more sensual, “You are stubborn, strong, and opinionated, and you’re everything that I desire.”

I cling to his shoulders, half-heartedly resisting his kiss, “What if I ruin this,” I mutter against his lips, “I don’t know how to be happy, Cain. All I know is death and destruction. In the end, all I will bring to you is misery.”

Cain kisses me harder and shakes his head, “I don’t think you will.”

Not another word is spoken as he lifts me in his arms and carries me back to his bed. Nothing else matters at that moment. I no longer care that he lied to me or that he’s Adam’s son. All I care about is that he makes me feel like no other male has.