Chapter 13 - Realities

Lilith:

Something is wrong with Cain. I could tell by his cold demeanor before we went to the falls that he was trying to create some distance between us. I can’t disagree because I’m also feeling conflicted by what we did. How can I feel such deep emotions for a male that I barely know? Not to mention all of the issues standing in our way.

It’s difficult to create distance when Cain so tenderly looks out for me. After looking out for myself for so long, it feels nice to have someone care.

My thoughts are tumultuous as I rise from my bed and look at the empty spot beside me. Shooting up from my bed in a panic, I search for the arrow and breathe a sigh of relief when I see that it’s where I left it.

I guess Cain can be trusted. I search the room for him, but he’s definitely not in the apartment. My brow furrows with confusion, but I don’t have time to dwell on it before seeing that Lucifer has texted me.

I’ve only been gone for three nights, but it feels like I have been gone longer.

Seeing that I’m not going to get any answers from Cain, I call Lucifer back. “What is it you needed, Lucifer?”

Lucifer answers, “I’m sorry to disturb you, Lilith. But I wanted to update you on what we have learned about the Siphon.”

“What have you learned?” I ask as I stride across the room and turn on the shower. I might be able to use my magic to clean myself, but I still enjoy the act of bathing.

“We have learned that the power belonged to a Norse god named Hod who murdered his brother, which explains why the siphon is not powerful enough to contain it. If it belonged to a god, it must have been really powerful, which is why the land around it seems to be dying.”

I bite my lower lip, “What do you think should be done?”

He puffs out a breath, “Well, we can’t just put it back in you, so we have to figure out how to make the siphon stronger.”

I look at the arrow, then back at the shower and come to a decision, “Listen, Lucifer. Is it alright if I meet you at your fortress in thirty minutes? I have my own information that I’d like to share.”

“Of course,” he replies readily, “I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

As I stand beneath the water, I think about what I’m going to tell Lucifer. It seems that he already knows about Hod and the possible destruction the Tenebrous contains.

To my dismay, Fallon is also at the fortress sitting next to his father. Lucifer gives me an apologetic look as he rises from his throne and stops before me, “Lilith, thank you for coming,” he gestures to a stiff Fallon, “Fallon just got here. He wanted to tell me some good news.”

I look at Fallon, who gives me a blank expression. He doesn’t smile or scowl. However, I can feel the animosity radiating off him.

I shift uncomfortably in place and wring my fingers, “Oh…um…I can come back some other—”

“We’re going to be grandparents!” Lucifer blurts out with a wide grin.

Fallon rises from his seat and glares at his father. Both males are the same height and exceptionally handsome with similar features, “I told you not to tell anyone until Bree and I were ready to tell Lana.”

I try not to be hurt by the fact that he was waiting to tell Lucifer’s mate before he told me, but it’s difficult.

Swallowing down my pain, I look into my son’s indifferent eyes and give him a smile that I’m sure comes out as a grimace, “Congratulations, Fallon. I’m sure you will both be amazing parents.”

Fallon sneers scornfully, “And what would you know about that?”

I flinch at his spiteful tone. Yet, I know that I cannot disagree with his point. I was a terrible mother, and I deserve his scorn.

Lucifer stops beside Fallon and places his hand on his shoulder, “Please, Fallon, don’t do this.”

Fallon bats his father’s hand away and scowls, “Do what? Tell the truth? It’s not like she doesn’t know what a horrible mother she was.”

A tear escapes my lips as I hear my son’s brutal words, “You’re right, Fallon. I was a terrible mother, and—”

He holds his palm up, “Please spare me the platitudes. I don’t need to hear a bloody thing from you, Lilith. In fact, I’m glad you do know about the child,” he leans close and jeers, “Because it will be the only time you will ever hear about it. You might have fooled father with your newfound “repentance,” he makes air quotes as he glares down at me, “but I know what you are, and because of that, I want you to stay far away from my child. You are not a grandmother. In fact, you are nothing to me or anyone.”

A ball of emotion chokes me as my son’s cutting words. However, I take his vicious remarks without a peep until the only sound I hear is the sound of my heart breaking into a million pieces.

“That’s enough!” Lucifer reprimands our son, “You don’t know what you’re saying, son. There’s so much you don’t know, and if you’d only listen to her—”

“Don’t Lucifer,” I cut him off, “It’s fine. I deserve everything that Fallon has said and more,” I look at my son’s cold facade through blurry tears, “I understand, Fallon, and I promise,” my voice breaks, but I manage to continue, “I promise that I will stay away from you and your family,” I make a chopping motion with my hand and take a step back, “You will never have to worry about seeing me again.”

Fallon’s chest heaves as he takes several steps back and flashes out of the room.

It’s only when Lucifer wraps his arms around me that I realize that I was about to faint. “Whoah, Lilith, it’s alright. Just breathe.” I take a deep breath and wipe my tears, but they refuse to fall.

“It’s alright, Lil. Just give him time to calm down. I’m sure Fallon will feel differently after some time.” he continues.

I shake my head, “It’s not alright, Lucifer. But it’s what I deserve.”

Lucifer opens his lips to retort, but before he can, his mate, Lana, appears. “Hey babe, Bree just called me to invite us to dinner. I told her…” she stops when she sees me, “Um…what is she doing here?” she asks accusingly.

Lucifer exhales deeply and takes his arms off me once I straighten up, “Lilith came to discuss the siphon, and she and Fallon had an…unfortunate encounter.”

Lana tosses her long blond hair back and crosses her arms in front of her with a glare. “Yeah, well, I can see why. I mean, she wanted to kill my sisters, so it’s no wonder Fallon hates her.” She looks at me, her expression distrustful. “I know that you two have to work together to solve these issues with the siphon, but I prefer if you warn me when she’s around.”

Lucifer winces and glances back at me.

I ignore his pitying look and straighten my spine, “I apologize for intruding. Perhaps we can speak another time.”

Lucifer holds his palms up, “Was there anything you wanted to share about the siphon?”

I know that I should tell him the truth about the arrow. But after taking such an emotional battering from my son and Fallon’s mate, I don’t think I can tolerate being here another moment.

I shrug and take a step back, “I just wanted to say that I’m working on discovering a way to harness the power. But I do not have anything definite yet.”

He nods, “Alright, keep me updated if you discover anything.”

I nod and give them both a slight bow before I flash out. It's only when I get to my apartment that I completely fall apart. I remember Michael’s mate, Valentina, once told me that it's good to get closure even if rejection hurts like hell. Well, she was right about one thing at least—it does hurt like hell.

I also understand at that moment that I do not deserve to be happy after all of the terrible things that I’ve done. Though I feel something for Cain, I know it’s a mistake to continue our affair. If we continue, I’ll only drag him down a dark road of ruin with my toxic existence. Perhaps that’s what Adam saw in me and the true reason he rejected me. As Fallon said, I am nothing.