Chapter 68: Lilith P.O.V.

Chapter 68: Lilith P.O.V.
Why was I so messed up? I should feel excited and eager for all and any touches that he is eager to give me. I should be over the moon that one of my mate’s wanted to mark me right now and make me his Luna. 

Instead, I feel the complete opposite. His promise to make me feel beautiful, fuck me and then mark me make me feel scared. I don’t know if I can handle him trying to do any of those things right now but I don’t want to disappoint him. He hasn’t even shown me that he wants me, more than being his mate, why did he even want to be with me? 

‘Let him.’ my wolf purred. I bet she is so happy to be with one of her werewolf mates finally after being trapped in a cage for years. I bet even she thought that I was disappointing to her. 

His hands and mouth on my body stopped and I blinked away the tears that soaked the expensive fabric, “What’s wrong?” He asked in a way that made me feel so extremely guilty for even thinking that this was to much for me. Especially so soon.

So I did the only thing I could when my throat hurt so much from the uncried sobs that begged to come out. I shook my head no and put on one of my best fake smiles, “Keep going.” I whispered, trying to sound as hot and bothered as I could. It didn’t sound hot and bothered at all though. Instead the words that came out of my mouth sounded choked and desperate for something that I didn’t want.

He got off of me and laid down next to me where he could see me, “Sweetheart, I need you to talk to me. I can read so much of your mind but I can’t right now. Talk to me.” He pleaded, moving a short strand of hair behind my ear. 

“I-” I started trying to form the words and be honest with him but they got lost in my throat and I closed my eyes. I wiped a hot tear from my cheek and stared at him. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, “I can’t go all the way.” I whispered. The words echoed in the room and I could hear my herat beating so loudly that I couldn’t focus on anything else, not even him. 

He got up off the bed until he found his shirt and went into the closet. That definitely can not be good. Not in the slightest, not even at all. I sat up with my back to his fancy headboard and my knees to my chest, “Where are you going?” I asked with my voice trembling. 

He came back with a hoodie and his shirt back on his body, “You can wear this baby.” he said with a light smile and kissed my forehead. I took it nervously from his hand and looked at him waiting for something awful to happen. 

“Baby, please. You don’t have to trust me just yet but I promise I won’t do anything. I just don’t want you to freeze.” He pleaded, so I took the hoodie from him. It was so simple in the design of it. The hoodie is a dark forest green and it probably would hug his body but on me it ate me up. 

“Now, talk to me baby.” he pleaded, his eyes looked so sad while he stared into my soul. 

I played with my fingers for a few seconds. How could I tell him what I was actually feeling while he looked at me like that? I bit my lip and tried to think of an outcome or possibility where I could be completely honest with him and not feel ashamed. 

“Can we cuddle while we talk? It might be easier for me to talk about this if you aren’t looking at me like that.” I blushed. I don’t know how he was able to do it but he could make me blush even when I felt like a complete utter failure. 

“Look at you like what?” he asked with such an innocent look on his face, pure curiosity in his soft eyes. You would never know just minutes ago he was kissing me with no top and teasing me endlessly while he talked about marking me. 

“You’re looking at me like.. Like I just hurt every single bone in your body.” I looked down at his hands. 

“It hurts me to know that I have done something that has hurt you baby. I can’t help it when every single bone in my aches to make you smile again.” He said with a cute boyish smile. 

“But I would love to cuddle you.” He said and my body lit up. I don’t know why but it still happened. Everything that eh ahs done has told me that he doesn’t want to hurt me. Every single time that I have given him even the smallest opportunity to hurt me or just walk away, he doesn’t. Instead, he runs and pulls me even closer to him. 

“How do we-?” I started to ask the most ridiculous question that I could have asked when he stopped me.

“I’ll show you, baby.” He smiled. He climbed into the bed with me. His hands cupped my face one more time and he pressed his lips to mine, “Just in case you want to run after.” He smiled. I think it was meant to be a joke or make this more light hearted but it broke me even more. 

“Roll over baby.” he said looking over all my features. I moved the pillow that was somewhere on the bed and looked at the way.His arm went under my pillows and his other hand pulled me even closer, “Hows that?” he whispered in my ear. 

All I could think about is hard-on pressed into the small of my back, though. I pushed myself into him even more, “It’s good.” I said, trying to give him something. Some type of answer that would be reasonable to him. 

“Okay baby, so what was bothering you?” he asked, it was the saddest thing I have ever heard coming from his lips. Part of me wished that we could just avoid this conversation altogether but that seemed so wrong. If I could handle years of torture and bullying from my sister why I couldn’t I handle telling my mate that I wasn’t ready to become his Luna just yet? Why did that seem so much worse? 

His hand over my stomach held mine, “I don’t know when I will be ready to go all the way.” I whispered, my jew clenched while I waited for the hurl of comments and insults that I expected. 

He didn’t though. Just like always, his mood remained the same and I didn’t feel in danger in the slightest, “That’s okay baby. I don’t expect you to be.” He said, warming my heart a thousand degrees. If he didn’t expect me to be ready to go all the way then why did he say all those things?

“Sweetheart you are traumatized but I also do want to show you how beautiful I think you are and build a line of intimacy you are comfortable with.” he cooed, giving my hand a squeeze. It wasn’t a squeeze to show me he stronger than me and that he could hurt me though, it felt so reassuring. 

“You don’t hate me?” I whispered.