Chapter 83 Bonus chapter – The Same Boat

Chapter 83 Bonus chapter – The Same Boat
SAM's POV

I stand outside my apartment with my phone pressed against my ear. My sister has been talking for several minutes, but I barely hear half of what she's saying.

My mind is somewhere else.

Somewhere it's been for far too long.

"So," she says, "what's really going on with you?"

I smile.

"What do you mean?"

"I know you."

"I'm fine."

"You've said that three times already."

I laugh quietly. My sister has always been impossible to fool.

There's a brief silence.

Then I sigh.

"I love her."

My sister goes quiet.

"Who?"

I look up at the night sky.

"Lisa."

The silence that follows is even longer.

"Lisa?"

"Yes."

"Your Lisa?" she says dramatically.

"How many Lisas do you know?"

"Sam!"

I laugh. "What?"

"You've been friends forever."

"I know."

"And you're only realising this now?"

I lean against the wall.

"I didn't say I only realised it now."

"Oh."

Victoria immediately understands.

"You've known for a while."

I close my eyes.

"Maybe."

She laughs. "How long is 'maybe'?"

"I don't know."

"Sam."

"Okay, fine."

I sigh.

"Long enough."

She gasps dramatically.

"You're ridiculous."

"Thank you."

"No, seriously. You've been walking around in love with your best friend and you think you can just keep this from everyone?"

"I wasn't keeping it from everyone."

"You haven't told her."

I'm silent.

"And who did you tell before me? Don't tell me you told Noah before me. I thought I was your favourite sibling!"

For someone who's married and has a child, Victoria can be so childish about sibling rivalry.

"I never said so. You made it all up in your head, all by yourself."

She gasps dramatically, and I laugh.

Then silence hangs between us, and she sighs.

"What are you afraid of?"

I look down.

"Everything."

"Very specific," she says, probably rolling her eyes.

"Lisa is my friend."

"And?"

"And I don't want to lose that."

My voice becomes quieter.

"What if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same way?"

"Then you'll deal with it."

"What if everything becomes awkward?"

"Then you'll deal with that too."

I laugh softly.

"You're very comforting."

"I'm not supposed to be comforting. I'm supposed to be honest."

I smile.

"Unfortunately, you're good at that."

There's another pause.

Then I speak again.

"I love our friendship."

My sister is quiet.

"She's one of the most important people in my life."

"And maybe that's why you love her."

I swallow.

"What if telling her destroys everything?"

My sister's voice softens.

"Sam, hiding from your feelings doesn't guarantee that nothing will change."

I close my eyes.

"You know that's not helpful, right?"

"It isn't supposed to be."

She continues.

"You don't have to tell her tonight. You don't even have to tell her tomorrow. But you need to stop pretending that this isn't real."

I don't answer.

Because that's the problem.

It is real.

Lisa's laugh makes me smile even on my worst days. Her voice is often the first one I want to hear when something happens.

And lately, I start noticing things I've spent years overlooking.

The way she smiles when she's trying not to laugh.

The way she looks at me when she thinks I'm not paying attention.

The way being around her feels easy.

Too easy.

At some point, friendship became something more. And I don't know when it happened.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I think you're more afraid of the possibility that she might feel the same way than you are of her rejecting you."

I frown.

"What does that even mean?"

"It means that if she doesn't feel the same way, nothing changes for you emotionally. You keep her in your life and eventually move on."

I stay quiet.

"But if she does feel the same way, then everything changes."

I let out a slow breath.

My sister has always known me too well.

"Goodnight," I mutter.

She laughs.

"That's not a denial."

"Goodnight."

"And Sammy boy," she says quietly, "I think she's in the same boat."

I straighten.

"What do you mean? Did she tell you anything during your summer trip?"

"Night, Sammy," she says before dropping the call.

I stand outside alone, thinking about Victoria's words.

Then my phone buzzes.

A message from Lisa.

Lisa: Are you still awake?

I stare at the screen.

A smile slowly appears on my face.

Of course I'm awake, so I type back.

Sam: Yeah. What's up?

I wait.

A few seconds later, my phone buzzes again.

Lisa: I miss you.

And for the first time that night, I allow myself to wonder what happens if I stop being afraid of the answer she might give me when I finally tell her how I feel.