Chapter 45 The Fear Of Losing Her
Calhoun's POV
Because of the wave, the speedboat driver reverses but I don't wait anymore, I dive into the sea and swim until Clarke floats up with the wooden log, but Kristen is nowhere in sight.
With assistance from Bruce, I help put Alpha Gregory's son in the speed boat, and while Bruce is untying him, I swim underwater in search of Kristen.
Christ, I don't want to think she's dead because I'll be unable to live with it.
I go as deep as I can until I see her falling into the depths of the sea without her permit.
Is she even alive?
Fear kicks through me as when I finally get a hold of her.
With one hand, I take us up until our heads are above the water.
Bruce helps me pull her into the boat and when I lay her to rest on the wet floor, I see that she's as pale as a ghost. Unmoving, not even breathing.
Not giving in to panic, I check her pulse, only to find out it's having an irregular movement, something which gives out that she's somewhere between life and death.
"Kristen," my hand gently taps on her cheek, to wake her up but it's futile.
And fuck it, my Beta is staring at me as if she's already dead.
My hands move to give her chest compressions, but it's not working because I am trembling really hard. Not from the cold but from the fear of losing Kristen.
It's still pouring down harshly, getting everyone in the speedboat soaked. Alpha Gregory's son is alive but he looks completely weak, unable to move his limbs.
And Kristen...
I continue with the chest compressions, hoping it'll work because I can't afford to lose her.
Alpha Gregory's son is vomiting seawater right at this point, and Bruce is helping him stroke his back.
Why can't Kristen wake up and do this too?
What the fuck is going on.
"Calm down, Alpha Calhoun. You won't be of any help if you keep going at it like that," Bruce tells me.
But how does he expect me to keep my cool when Kristen is like this? Her hands are so pale and cold. And she doesn't look frigging alive to me.
I fight against the urge to not panic as I lower my lips to hers to give her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
"Get me clothes, anything you can find... I need to place it under her head," I'm almost out of breath as I direct this to Bruce as my heart swells up in my chest.
Bruce removes his wet shirt and hands it to me.
My hands grab the shirt, roll it into a ball and I put it under Kristen's neck, hoping she'll wake up and vomit the seawater.
Still, nothing happens.
My hands are wavering, and my feet are shivering at the same time.
How much water has she drunk?
Did the wave take her into the sea thrice?
I am not able to think straight as these thoughts slam through my mind, making my stomach churn.
"Kristen?" I pull her head away from the cloth and put it on my chest, hoping she'll wake up this way.
"She hasn't woken up yet?" Bruce comes to stand at my side.
I swallow the lump stuck within my throat, afraid that Kristen might be dead and I'm just wasting my efforts in trying to revive her.
Worst of it all, Bruce looks from me to Kristen, and Kristen to me, before fear wells up in his eyes.
"No, don't give me that look. She's not dead, dammit!" I bark at my beta, upon feeling anger coursing through my veins.
Kristen is still the same. Cold, pale, and unmoving.
"What were you thinking, going after Clarke all by yourself? You could've told me," The tears are starting to come, blurring my vision as my body shakes with rage.
Her ankle is sprained, and her knee is dislocated.
Just how much did she suffer before she was able to find him?
She never should've accepted Ben's invitation to the yacht party. Had she been at home, none of this would've happened.
But on the other hand, I would've been a dead man by now if I had drunk from that wine. And Clarke would've been found.
As I lay her head back on the clothes, ragged sobs tear through my throat.
"You can't die, Kristen," my voice comes out rough as I proceed to massage her forehead.
Trying every means to revive her seems impossible right now.
Where is the moon goddess? She cannot let a werewolf die by drowning.
"She's dead, Alpha Calhoun," Bruce says from behind me.
"No, I just need to not stop," my hands are still doing chest compressions, a bit harder this time.
"You're wasting your time, Calhoun. You've tried every means you can but it's not working. She's dead."
"Shut up!" My roar is enough to make Bruce flinch.
Hearing him say she's dead is driving me insane.
I pause only to take off my shirt, curl it into another ball, and put it under Kristen's head.
But she's still stiff, despite all of my efforts to revive her.
Fear shakes my whole being because I still have little hope that she's alive. I cannot accept that she's dead.
"You've been going at this for five minutes, five minutes Calhoun!"
"One more word from you Bruce, and I'll tear off your limbs."
My warning is enough to shut his flap up for good.
"Kristen, wake the fuck up, please," I stroke her small pale hand in mine, as more tears just flow
"Fucking sea!" My free hand pushes through my wet hair as I weep bitterly. My wolf is even close to surfacing at this point. "Just wake up, I can't lose you, you hear me!?" I yell in her face.
"I have an idea," Bruce nears my side once more, upon seeing I'm not close to giving up on Kristen.
He puts his hands on her body and then looks at me, masking all his emotions in a straight face because he knows how upset and scared I am at the same time.
"I'll hold her feet and you'll hold her legs,"
"What?"
"Just listen to me, Calhoun. I'm only trying to be of help here because you don't want to lose the love of your life.' Reluctantly, I agree and together we hold her up with my hands holding her head and Bruce doing as he told me earlier. We turn Kristen upside down and Bruce begins wiggling her body. While her head moves to and fro in my hands. She's already skinny and petite but she doesn't weigh that much. That's quite a relief since dead bodies are heavy.
I am close to telling Bruce to stop since I don't find any good results.
But suddenly a miracle happens.
Kristen gasps audibly and coughs before vomiting seawater.
My mouth parts and quick breaths flow out of it because it doesn't seem real.
"We're not done yet, Alpha Calhoun," Bruce tells me and shakes Kristen's body through his hold on her legs once more.
After letting a minute run by, we put her down on the wet floor.
Her eyes are still closed and I don't want to think I imagine what happened.
"Kristen?" Right now, I'm even afraid to touch her.
And with her eyes still closed she gives me a faint nod.
My heart almost tears right through my chest from shock and relief.
The rain has finally stopped, and the orange evening sun is starting to make itself known.
My body is trembling violently as I hold her hands in mine. Feeling fucking thankful that she didn't die.
Kristen is a strong girl, someone else would've been confirmed dead after several efforts.
And she's so fucking brave to risk her life, going after Alpha Gregory's youngest son like that, without even informing anyone.
When I father her in my arms, she barfs more seawater against my chest.
But I don't mind, I'm willing to take anything at this point because she's alive.
"Ben's younger brother... is he alive? Is he here?" Her voice is cranky when she asks me this question, with her eyes fluttering, fighting to stay open to look at me.
And my heart flutters at this.
"Yes. How could you worry about someone else when you're like this?"
"Calhoun, is that you?" There's confusion in her shaky voice.
"Who else would hold you if not me, Kristen? You made me fucking cry like.." I rasp out because the tears are coming again.
"I was afraid we'd die when the third wave came forth. I'm glad Clarke is able to make it out alive. He could've been lost, Calhoun, or eaten by one of those sea beasts," Kristen's voice comes out in a murmur because she has her face buried in my bare chest.
Without uttering a word, I hold her close to me. It's almost as if she'll disappear if I even pause to blink.
"I feel completely exhausted, all the strength has been sucked out of my body," her voice is getting clearer now because she keeps talking, "I dislocated my knee and sprained my ankle."
"I'll get you to the pack hospital when we reach the seaport," I assure her. Meaning every word because I won't let her out of my sight until she feels whole again.
Nor will I let her slip off my fingers like I stupidly did the last time.
"I'll ensure you're taken care of," I reassure her.
Kristen nods and stays quiet.
Just as I am starting to think she's fallen asleep, she lets out a breath.
"Is mom here?" She asks with her eyes still closed.
"No, it's just the two of us," I lie. Even though Bruce is here, "with Ben's brother and the boat driver.
"I was afraid I'll die and I won't get to see you again," she confesses.
"No, I'll be damned if I let you die," my voice is firm.
"I missed you," Kristen's voice is so low that it's almost a miracle I can hear her.
Perhaps she has no idea she voiced it out.
If only she knew how it was hell for me to not see her face for a month.
I kiss her forehead, long and deep. Then I watch as her eyelids stop wavering, and she drifts into a quiet sleep.