Chapter 79 The resolve
Vivienne's Pov
I left Monica's office the moment the words left my mouth.
I didn't wait for her response. Didn't wait to see the disappointment or understanding or whatever expression would cross her face. I just grabbed my bag and walked out, my footsteps echoing in the small hallway as I headed for the stairs.
Sarah caught up with me on the second floor landing.
"Viv, wait. Stop."
I kept walking.
"Vivienne, please. Just stop for a second."
I stopped but didn't turn around. My hand was gripping the stair railing so tight my knuckles had turned white.
"I can't do this anymore," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "I can't keep fighting. I can't keep pretending I'm strong enough for this. I'm not."
Sarah came around to face me. Her eyes were worried but not pitying. I was grateful for that at least. I couldn't handle pity right now.
"You are strong enough," she said.
"No, I'm not. Look at me, Sarah. I'm pregnant with a baby from a man who just announced his engagement to someone else. A man who apparently saw me as nothing more than a business connection.
A temporary convenience. And we're in the middle of a divorce. I'm pregnant for someone who created fake documents to protect himself from me. Who fired me and tried to destroy my reputation. I don't even have a real job. I'm living on your couch. I have barely any money. And now there's a baby."
My voice cracked on the last word.
"A baby who didn't ask for any of this. Who's going to be born into this complete mess of a situation because I was stupid and lonely and made terrible choices."
"Stop," Sarah said firmly. "Stop doing that. Stop blaming yourself for what he did to you."
"But I chose him," I said. "I chose to marry Rapheal. I choose to enter an agreement with him. Those were my choices."
"And it doesn't makes you stupid."
I closed my eyes. Tears were sliding down my cheeks now and I didn't have the energy to wipe them away.
"I'm so tired, Sarah. I'm so tired of fighting. Of being strong. Of pretending I know what I'm doing when I clearly don't. Maybe I should just take whatever settlement Raphael offers and walk away. Start over somewhere new where nobody knows me. Where I don't have to face any of this."
"Is that what you really want?" Sarah asked quietly.
I opened my eyes and looked at her. "I don't know what I want anymore. I thought I wanted justice. I thought I wanted to stand up for myself and make Raphael pay every dime he owed me. But now? Now I'm just exhausted. And scared. And I don't know if any of this is worth it."
Sarah was quiet for a moment. Then she said, "Come on. Let's get out of here. Let's go somewhere and just breathe for a minute."
We ended up at a small park a few blocks from Monica's office. It was the middle of the day on a weekday so it was mostly empty except for a few people on lunch breaks and some mothers with small children at the playground.
We sat on a bench under a tree. The afternoon sun filtered through the leaves, creating patterns of light and shadow on the ground. It was peaceful in a way that felt almost surreal given everything happening in my life.
Sarah didn't say anything for a while. Just sat next to me, her presence steady and calm.
Finally I spoke.
"When I was a kid, before my mom died, she used to take me to a park like this. I don't remember much about her. I was so young when she passed. But I remember the park. I remember her pushing me on the swings and catching me at the bottom of the slide. I remember feeling safe."
I paused, watching a mother push her daughter on the swings across the playground.
"I haven't felt safe in a long time. Not since Margot and her daughter entered house, things got worse. Maybe not even before that. And then Raphael came along and for a little while, I thought maybe I could stop worrying.
Maybe I could finally feel safe again. But that was an illusion. I was never safe with him. He was always planning to throw me away."
"And now you're scared the same thing is happening with this baby," Sarah said gently. "You're scared of bringing a child into a world where you don't feel safe."
I nodded. "How can I be a mother when I can barely take care of myself? When I'm living on your couch and working part-time at a gallery for barely enough money to survive?
When the baby's father is getting married to someone else and doesn't even know I exist beyond being a 'temporary connection?"