Part Eighty-Eight

We were sitting on the roof deck and Jared had gone to bed. He hadn’t said anything about our little trip to go see Steve and I was waiting to be alone with her. I felt slightly betrayed and I was angry. She sat down on the chair next to mine and gave me a smile when I looked at her.

“Where did you guys go this afternoon? You were very late,” she asked me.

“The adoption’s been denied,” I said.

“Why?” she asked me as she frowned.

“Because Steve got custody,” I said.

“Steve? But he’s in jail,” she said and then she looked at me.

“Exactly, Madison! You knew exactly where he was and you never said a word!” I said angrily.

“He was in jail! It didn’t matter!” she said loudly.

“Of course it mattered! You can’t adopt a child without his father relinquishing his rights!” I said and I felt that frustration.

“I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice.

“He’s going to live with Steve. He’s leaving on Friday,” I said.

“No!” Her eyes glistened with tears but I wasn’t affected by them. I was too angry to worry about her emotions.

“It’s a court order. There’s nothing you can do about it. You told me you had custody of him but that was a lie, you never had custody of him,” I said.

“I thought I did,” she said softly and looked down.

“He’s a good guy, Madison. He loves Jared and ultimately he needs his father,” I said.

“You met him?” she asked me with wide eyes. Fear flashed through her eyes but it was gone so quickly that I thought I imagined it.

“Yes, and so did Jared, that’s where we were,” I said.

“I can’t believe you kept this from me!” she said suddenly, angry at me.

“You have as much right to him as I do, which is zero!” I said and stood up.

“Where are you going?” she asked me.

“To sleep, I’m tired of all the bullshit everywhere,” I said and left her on the rooftop.

“Kage, I didn’t lie to you on purpose,” she said but I ignored her and went back down to the condo.

Sleep didn’t come easily and I was still awake when Madison slipped into the bed next to me. I turned my back towards her and I heard her sigh. I loved her but I hated that she had lied. I had never lied to her and it hurt that she could lie to me.

On Thursday I spent my time at Endri’s studio while Luke fussed over me as I waited for time to pass to pick up Jared. I had shared the whole story with both of them, just to voice it out loud and get it out of my system. Betrayal was a trigger for me, a big one. It was so big that it overshadowed everything else in my life. I hated lies with a fierceness that blinded me.

“People lie, Kage, it doesn’t make them bad people,” Luke said.

“This is different, Luke. She lied about Jared’s dad. If I had known from the beginning I wouldn’t even have tried to adopt him,” I said.

“So smack her ass and then have make-up sex,” Endri said.

“You like to smack stuff, but I agree with the make-up sex,” Luke said as I chuckled.

“Yeah maybe,” I said as I looked at my watch again. “See you guys later, I have to go get Jared.”

“Call me if the make-up sex doesn’t work, I’ll help you out,” Luke said with a grin.

“Run before he realizes you’re going commando today,” Endri said and Luke’s eyes widened as I jumped up.

“Your zipper looks stuck!” Luke yelled as I ran out of the studio.

I was still laughing as I pulled away from the curb and headed to Jared’s school. Madison had left a note that she had gone out and I helped Jared pack up his room. We were both quiet as we packed and an hour later I heard Madison when the front door closed.

“Hey guys! I brought pizza!” She called from the kitchen.

“You could’ve ordered the pizza,” I said from behind her.

“It was on my way,” she said.

“From where?” I asked.

“I had my doctor’s appointment today, remember?” She said.

“Why didn’t you remind me? I could’ve had Luke pick up Jared,” I said.

“I thought maybe you didn’t want to go with me, because you didn’t say anything,” she said and looked down.

“Whatever,” I said and turned to leave the kitchen.

“Kage, can you just stop, please?” She asked me.

“Stop with what? You lied to me and then you just assumed I wouldn’t want to go with you to find out our baby’s gender!” I said angrily.

“I’m sorry but you knew exactly when the appointment was. Everything can’t just be my fault all the time!” she said angrily and pushed past me into the hall.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her against me. “I’m sorry, you’re right.” I wrapped my arms around her as she lowered her head against my chest and began to cry.

“It’s a girl,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry, Jared leaving … everything just feels so different,” I said.

“I’ll miss him too,” she said.

“Are you two gonna cry the whole night or are we gonna eat some pizza?” Jared asked and I laughed.

I could barely remember the drive to Steve’s house. Madison had cried when saying goodbye to Jared but she hadn’t wanted to come with us. I didn’t understand it. I wanted as much time with Jared as I could possibly get, down to the last second.

Jared had hugged me when I put his boxes and suitcases in his new room, but he was happy and the house looked great with furniture in it. Steve and I had shaken hands and I’d left after two hours. Jared was happy and I was heartbroken.

The days didn’t fly by and I had a lot more free time on my hands, so I spent them at the rink, training. It was a while before off season training started and I was bored out of my mind. The nursery was pretty much finished and Madison was now twenty-four weeks pregnant.