Chapter 53

H A R R Y

Ever since my argument with Gemma, we never really talked as much as we used to. I understand why she was feeling that way and I understand why she had avoid me since she hated what I have done. Of all people, I thought she would be the one who would understand me because she is my sibling, but then I was wrong.

She made me feel even worst. I tried to understand where her anger was coming from and obviously she was gutted that I said and did those things to Jolene. I know she could not believe me that I treated Jolene that way because she has always hated it when I do things which hurts women since I was brought up by women too.

I wish my words could change anything to what she sees me now but then I know I can never take back the things I did and the things I said to her.

Sometimes I wish she could have understood me and why I had to do it.

The night before the band’s world tour started, someone came to my house late at night and rang the doorbell many times which woke the hell out of me. It was too noisy that I had to get up and get out of my room to see it. Gemma had went out of her room too and looked as if she was bothered by it. We were still not on speaking terms but she told me that I needed to see who it was since it sounded urgent.

It was two in the morning and my flight to Denmark is five hours from now. I wonder who would come here at this late.

“Be careful!” Gemma warns me from behind.

I was then reminded that there is someone out there who is sending Lindy and I gifts which are gruesome and threatening. This person who is ringing the doorbell and banging the front door could potentially be someone who has plans to hurt me. Worst, this person could hurt my sister.

I instantly grabbed the baseball bat which was by the doorway and felt my sleepiness leaving my body as I became more alert of who could be banging on my front door at this time. My heart was indeed thumping inside my chest as I clench harder onto the bat which was on my hands.

Be careful, Harry. I say to myself as I take a tight grip on the baseball bat before I slowly grabbed the doorknob with the other hand. I twisted it open and was about to hit the person behind it, but halted as soon as I see Ricky.

“Ricky?” I gaped as soon as I see how wasted he looked.

He reeks the scent of alcohol and looked like he had too much to drink.

“Harry…” His eyes were read and had dark circles surrounding it.

He falls to my arms and thank God I caught him. I quickly helped him inside the house and shut the door right away. “What happened?” I ask him but he was just sobbing. “Are you okay Ricky?” I tried to ask again.

Gemma approaches us right away and looked at Ricky with furrowed brows. “Ricky what the hell happened to you?” She asks with concerned eyes. “I thought you were someone else! You came here so late!” She covers her nose as she continues, “Bloody hell you smell like alcohol and puke all together!”

“Gemma.” I scolded as she moves away from me.

“What’s the problem with this guy?” She asks me.

I shrug my shoulders, “I don’t know.”

I stare at Ricky and he has puke stains on his white shirt. “Rick?” I called out.

Ricky begins to cry a little softer as he tries to stand on his own now, “Oh God I can’t take it anymore.” He mutters.

“What are you talking about?” I questioned.

He shakes his head as he runs his fingers through his hair, “Harry…” He swiftly grabs my shirt with both hands. “The guilt is killing me!”

I travelled my eyes to Gemma who also did the same thing before I look back at the crying Ricky, “What are you talking about?” I ask him.

He shakes his head and looked as if he was being hysterical. I wonder what he could possibly mean by his words since I actually have no idea what he is talking about.

Guilt.

What is he guilty for?

“What have you done?” I ask again.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters with his head lowered.

About thirty minutes passed, Ricky had gotten calmer and I even gave him a clean shirt to which he declined but then I forced him too. Gemma and I offered him some hot tea while the three of us were sitting in the living room. He was still silent and his hands were still shaking while he kept biting his fingers.

Ricky’s eyes looked like he has been crying and he looked really disturbed and troubled with his own thoughts. He seemed like he has something important to tell me and I wonder what made him come all the way here at this kind of time.

“Ricky.” I call out.

He flinched as soon as I say his name.

“You look so frightened and shocked when you came here.” Gemma says before she glances at me. “What happened to you?”

“I… I was drinking…” Ricky answered.

“Why?” I asked. “What have you been drinking about that you have been meaning to forget?” I paused and stared at him as he weeps softly. “Is there something I need to know that you didn’t tell me?”

“There are so many.” He confesses and cries harder. “I was… I was so scared. I’m a coward. I’m such a fucking coward now all the people are involved.”

He is talking about Jolene.

His eyes bewildered, “I’m so sorry.” He weeps.

“What are you sorry for?” I asked as I straightened my back.

Gemma rubs my spine, “Take it easy on him.”

“I know you’re talking about Jolene.” I kept my focus on Ricky. “What is it?”

Ricky couldn’t answer.

“Answer me!” I demanded as I was beginning to feel that there is something heavier and darker that he knows that I don’t. “What did Jolene tell you?! What is it?!”

He was still silent.

“God damn it Ricky!!” I slammed my hands over the table and he flinched.

“Harry just--”

“I was the one who got Jolene pregnant.” Ricky finally blurts out while he kept his head low. His hands shaking as he clasped them together and I can see how tensed he is coming all the way to tell me this.

I feel like my soul left my body and my entire world just stopped.

“What?!” Gemma gapes.

“What did you say?” I hollered softly as I begin to clench my fist.

Ricky finally and slowly pulled his head up and faced me, “I was the father to the child Jolene was carrying.”

“You fucker!!” I leaped towards him in a split second and grabbed his chest.

Gemma looked surprised with my action as she pulls me back trying to calm me but I was nowhere near the calming state. My anger is just way past my head now and I feel like I have the possibility of hurting him for hiding this from me all these years.

“Harry! Harry calm down!” Gemma scolds me as she tries to push me away.

My height was my advantage as I take a grip tight on Ricky’s shirt, “You say that again! You fucking say that again!!” I screamed at him.

“Harry I’m sorry.” He mumbles with fear in his eyes and he should be scared.

“Sorry?! You’re only sorry now?!” I raised my voice at him. “You knew all these years about that and you never told me?! I confided to you before!! I told you what was going on in my life and yet it was you!! It was you who got her pregnant?!”

I grab his shirt a little closer to mine as I drag him out of his seat towards the wall and pinned his back against it. Gemma cries, “Harry! Please!”

“All these years of feeling guilt for what I have done and what I haven’t done to save Jolene and our child but it was actually yours?! You fucking bastard!!” I pulled him and pushed him hard against the wall.

He grunts as I continued, “Why?! Why did you just tell me now?! Why you never told me when you had to?!!” I screamed at his face while my tears were flooding my cheeks. “You know the guilt I felt all these years Ricky!! You fucking knew!!”

“I’m so sorry!!” He cries as he tries to hold my arms. “I… I tried to tell you… I did… I was so scared and my conscience ate me up so I…” He trails off.

“So you allowed me to drown with you in your own guilt all these years?!” I yelled.

“Harry, take it easy please!” Gemma keeps on trying to pull me away.

“Take it easy?!” I turn to her as I raised my voice. “You heard him claim that the baby is his and you want me to take it easy?! I have felt so guilty for what happened to Jolene and there never was a day that I didn’t blame myself! Every fucking day I did!” I cried as my hands were still trembling in anger.

“I understand… But you are going to hurt him. Please, Harry. This is not you. This was never you. Please.” Gemma cooed with yearning eyes.

Out of anger, I clenched my fist so tight and punched Ricky on his cheeks so hard before releasing him as he staggers. He crashes to the floor while Gemma squeals as she holds her arms around me. I could not even feel my fist hurting because of the anger and adrenaline rush I was actually feeling.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” Ricky cries while blood was coming out from his bleeding lower lip.

“Tell me what happened!” I demanded.

He looks up at me as he was still on the floor, “I had an affair with her before you. She… She came up to me one night and told me that Leo beat him up and she needed someone to talk to.” He explains as he begins to sit upright. “We talked about it and… and we ended up having sex.”

Ricky pushes his hair off his forehead, “One day she just stopped seeing me with no reason and I was really gutted because I fell in love with her. I didn’t know she was having an affair with you until she slipped about it.”

“What?” I gaped. “You already knew?”

He nods. “She was drunk and we were in this birthday party of a colleague. I volunteered to drive her home but I drove her to my place instead. I had sex with her when she was sober with an intention of coming inside. She said it was going to be our last one because she was already in love with someone else and it wasn’t her husband so that’s gotta be you.”

I clench my fists again as I listen to his narrative which was undeniably preposterous and how this utterly makes me go angry again. He fooled me all this time and all these years of feeling the guilt inside me, he was all to blame in the first place.

He continues, “I was so angry at you for taking her away from me and even though I thought she was infertile, I still came inside. I came inside her twice and… I was praying that it would get her pregnant and it did..” He laughs humorlessly. “I never come inside her when she isn’t on pills so I was happy when she told me she was.”

“She told you?!” I gaped in wrath.

“She came up to me… She told me before she told you because she knew it was mine.” He cries as he presses his hand against his lips. “At that time, I didn’t know how to face Leo if I tell him that it was my child. I was scared. I was so scared of Leo. I chickened and told her that it was better if…”

“If?” Gemma chimes with her brows knitted together.

“If she would let Harry claim the baby since she loved him anyways.” He answered.

I scoff as I begin to feel my ears warmer, “You are a pathetic and a coward person!”

“How could you do that Ricky?! How could you pass the blame to my brother and made him feel all this massive amount of guilt inside him for so long?!” Gemma begins to finally defend me.

“I’m so sorry. I know.. there is nothing I can do.” He sniffles. “But with all these guilt from one fault after another, it keeps building up and … I feel something so heavy… I need to let you know because… because. Someone else is getting involved and… three of them.” He shakes his head.

“What… What are you talking about? Three?” I gaped and instantly had the gut feeling that he is talking about Lindy and our twins that she is carrying.

“Jolene’s younger sister called me before…”

Younger sister? I asked myself mentally.

Ricky sobs like a baby and how annoying he looked right now. “It was… it was a week after Jolene’s passing. She… she asked me who got her sister pregnant and I told her… you.”