Chapter 39

H A R R Y

The moment she showed me the note, I knew it was Jolene’s handwriting and a bolt of lightning ran throughout my body electrocuting me.

I was pretty nervous as I keep glancing away from Lindy’s penetrating gaze which was making me even guiltier. I think she could instantly tell that I was. Damn, she looks so determined in wanting to know about Jolene and I know one way or another, I have got to let her know everything.

Holy freaking shit, I cannot believe that this is really happening and what’s more concerning is that Lindy got the same gift as mine. Heck, same colored wrapper and ribbon too. There has got to me no way that this was just coincidental. Rather, this was more intentional.

Whoever is behind that all this, whether it is really Jolene or not, that person has some motive towards me and could possibly target Lindy too.

Fuck, and then there’s still Griffin.

Why in hell did Lindy had to receive that kind of gift in the first place?

My heart is pounding inside my chest just by looking at her. I am worried about what she is going to say to me after she finds out what really happened and what kind of guy I used to be when I was younger.

Lindy, I’m sorry for this.

“This is supposed to be talked about face to face.” I says after running my palms over my face before I look back at her. “Not like this.”

“I want to know now.” She says firm with eager eyes.

“I’m just worried about your pregnancy and—”

“Stop making excuses!” She cuts me off and looking so annoyed that I am dragging this too long.

I slowly nod my head while scratching the back of my neck before I finally had the courage to face her. “Okay. This happened three years ago.”

She nods and listens silently.

“The Harry three years ago is a complete Harry now. Okay?” I reassured her and she answers a nod. I breathe out heavily as I keep rubbing my palms against each other as I say, “I met Jolene three years ago in an art exhibit. She was a painter and… a friend of my common friend. She was introduced to me and we… got along pretty well.”

Jolene had been a part of my past that I have been trying to forget. Jolene had been a part of my past which I didn’t want anyone to know. Jolene had been a part of my past that I have been trying to forget and move on to because it reminds me of how a useless man I was when I was younger.

Jolene had been with me even if she has passed on and it pains me thinking about her again. What’s more hurting me is the fact that I have to tell Lindy all about what an asshole I was before.

I breathe out nervously as I continued, “We hung out a lot after that and she would show me her works. Later on we got into an arrangement that we could be in a kind of relationship where there was nothing but only sex.”

Lindy’s face turned sad and it crushed my heart into pieces seeing how her eyebrows were quick to react.

“It was only and mainly about sex whenever we are together.” I added and made it clear to Lindy. “I was only 18 when I met her and I was not really into serious relationships before because I was getting more famous. I was young and I only wanted fun and nothing else. She offered it to me and I accepted.”

“You never loved her?”

I shake my head with a sad face, “No, and I couldn’t. I wish I could.”

“Why not?”

I lick my lips as I begin to anxiously play with my fingers. “She’s 32 and she was married.”

As soon as those words left my mouth, Lindy’s eyes increase so big as her hands covered her mouth. She looked at me with surprise in her eyes and I know a part of her wishes that this was not true and I wish the same thing too.

“She had been secretly struggling with her married life because she can’t get pregnant and her husband had been verbally abusing her. But she never told me about it until I heard from it from our common friend.” I added.

“You were sleeping with a married woman?” Her voice was soft and breathy.

Her words felt like I was in a courtroom trying to defense myself from accusations that are already forming inside her head.

I nod. “I was.”

“How could you?” She gapes and I expected that reaction from her. “How…. What… Weren’t you thinking about how that would ruin her marriage life?”

“Lindy, I was young and I didn’t had a care about anything. I was tempted to do it. I know it was wrong and looking back at it now I know how stupid I was for being involved in such a mess.” I explain wholeheartedly. “I was living my life and women were throwing themselves at me because I was famous.”

“But that doesn’t give you the reason to fuck a married woman Harry! You ruined a marriage.” She was quick to judge but then I can’t blame her because it is wrong to be in an affair with a married women.

I was complacent and I just didn’t that it would turn this messy.

“Well I did and I regret it, okay?!” I sort of raised my voice at her. I realized that I did and how she hated it so I said, “I’m sorry I raised my voice at you.”

Her lips tremble and it hurts me a hundred times more seeing her getting hurt because of my past that I have been meaning to hide.

“As much as I want to change the past, I can’t Lindy because it has been done. No matter how many times I say I am sorry, it will never be enough to the guilt that I have been shouldering for the last years. I am embarrassed of what I did and I blame myself until today for what happened!” I begin tears forming behind my eyelids.

I groan in frustration, “I was the worst Lindy and I was the worst person to even treat her that way. I treated her like a trash and…. Fuck!” I leaned forward as I covered my face with both hands before I wiped my tears and faced her.

“What did you do?” She asks with tears in her eyes,

My breathing was thick and shaky as I feel my hands trembling a little bit, “Jolene eventually got pregnant.”

She gasps as her tears fell over her cheeks. “No…”

“I got her pregnant and all along she thought that she was the one who was infertile but it was actually her husband.” I shut my eyes closed and clenched both of my fists as hard as I can when I think about how she begged me that night.

I sob softly as I kept my eyes close with m head a little lower, “I told her to have abortion Lindy. I pushed her away and hurt her because I chose my career.”

I begin to cry as I breathe heavily while returning my gaze at her, “I couldn’t choose her. I can’t choose them because I was too scared to be in that kind of mess. She was a married woman and I was already famous. I couldn’t let that ruin me.”

“How could you?” She mutters as she cries too. “How could you tell those words to a woman? How could you be selfish?!”

“Lindy I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared, I was so scared because I was too young to be involved in something like that. Lindy, I regret saying those words to her.” I wipe my tears off my face.

She shakes her head while looking at me and I can feel that she is looking at me in a very different point of view now. But I cant blame her, I did something greedy and irresponsible. I did something so stupid because I was scared of losing my fame.

“Did her husband know?” She interrogates.

I nod.

“Oh my God.” She mutters.

“After she told me that night about her pregnancy, I never talked to her again because I couldn’t. Until one day when she told me that she has decided to abort the baby. And I thought she did it after she called me but then I got an eerie call from her one night and she was crying for help. She was asking me to save her.”

I try to suppress my shaky hands while I hold them together, “I wanted to go but then my friend Ricky who also knows her mentioned that Jolene and her husband had moved to a different house and he didn’t know where it was. On the phone, she told me that Leo had a knife and that he was going to kill them.”

I cried and lowered my head, “I didn’t know how to save them.”

“Oh God… Harry.” She calls out weakly.

“But the call was cut off in the middle of our conversation and I tried to call back many times but nothing got through. I fell asleep waiting for her while Ricky tried to contact the police. When I woke up, I had one voicemail from Jolene and she was screaming for help. She was screaming for pain when she was being physically abused by Leo. He was hurting her and then before the voice call ended, Leo told me that he was going to be after me.”

“Harry…”

My tears continued streaming down my face as I continued to say, “Next morning I saw on the news that there was a report of domestic violence in a house far from the city which woken up their neighborhood. Report said there was a dead pregnant woman who had forced abortion done with a dirty knife and table napkin and her dead fetus was lying next to her.”

Lindy gasps as she cries for more while her eyes were filled with trauma.

I whimper on my seat as I held my fist with my other hand, “Leo must have done the illegal abortion and killed himself with a gun after because he was found dead in the house.”

“Oh my God…” Her voice shakes.

“Police report said that Jolene died because she ran out of blood due to the huge cut on her throat which was done first before the abortion.” I shake my head in horror just recalling about it again. “It was all my fault. It was all my fault Lindy.”

All those memories from that horrible night seemed like a nightmare which is returning back to life. It flashes right in front of my face and reminds me of how a useless asshole I am for even doing nothing that night. I wasn’t able to help her and our baby. They died because of me and it’s no one else’s fault but mine.

“Harry… it wasn’t your fault.” I hear Lindy say.

“No Lindy.” I pull my head up as I wipe my tears. “It is all my fault.”

“You weren’t the one who hurt her.” She wipes her tears.

“I wasn’t able to save her!” I cried. “I wasn’t able to save her when she needed me. I should have helped her when she called for me. I should have saved her. If I was able to save her she would still be alive now Lindy. They would still be alive now.” I placed my hands over my face.

“I wish you could have done the same thing too Harry but you should not allow your guilt to succumb to you. This was not your fault. You were not able to save her because you didn’t know where she lives but I’m sure if you did then you would have done something too.” Lindy’s words were too comforting and I feel like I didn’t deserve any sympathy at all.

I killed Jolene. I could have done something prior to that night if I only helped her.

“I’m a killer Lindy.” I sobbed as more guilt rushes through my veins.

“Harry, I know you did something wrong by being irresponsible when you should have had but…. You weren’t the one who killed her.”

I shake my head, “I feel responsible for her death.”

“No Harry.”

“Lindy, she died because of me. If I did something that night when she told me that she was pregnant, I could have saved them both.” I push my hair off my face. “There is no way that I am not the one responsible for her death. Rather, their death.”

I look back at her as she stares her sad eyes at me, “I killed them Lindy.”

There was silence and there were a lot of things I wanted to say but then my heart was hurting too much that I opted to remain quiet. My heart still hurts from what happened to Jolene and our baby. My heart still hurts that I was not able to save them. My heart still hurts because of how selfish I was.

“So if Jolene is dead, then who’s sending these gifts?” Lindy asks out of the blue.

The handwriting was definitely Jolene’s but what if all this time she has never been really dead?