Still alive
A bead of sweat rolled down my temple as I glanced at the side mirror and then at the fuel indicator blinking in front of me. This was far worse than I had thought. The roads ahead were clear, but I had no idea where I was going, or even how I could leave north.
The silence of the night only amplified the storm brewing inside me. I gripped the wheel tighter, knuckles pale, the vibration of the engine barely grounding me in reality.
The fuel light blinked urgently. I needed gas, and soon. My eyes darted around the road, fear gnawing at my insides. A lump formed in my throat at the thought of Lucien, back home, desiccating.
Frozen in that moment—his face, hollow and withering—kept flashing behind my eyes, seared into my memory like a brand I couldn’t erase.
I swallowed hard, pushing that image away.
I couldn't afford to fall apart now. Not when freedom was so close, not when survival still hung by a thread.
Focus, Aurora, focus.
I mentally screamed the words like a mantra, like a prayer.
I had only been driving for a while now. The sky was hinting that the sun was going to rise soon and light up the night. I had to leave from north before morning. A sign caught my attention that told me there was a gas station at the next exit.
Hope stirred faintly in my chest, flickering like a weak flame trying to burn through a gust of wind.
I took the exit, tires crunching on the gravel before I came to a complete halt inside the gas station. I pulled up next to the pump and stepped out. There was only one man in the gas station and he was inside the store.
The sight of someone—anyone—grounded me, though I didn’t let my guard down. Every shadow still felt like Lucien’s.
Leaning in, I grabbed the pump and shoved it into the car before turning around and walking to the bar of the car. My hands slipped over my knees and I knelt slightly while studying the broken bumper. I had slammed into the tree earlier, this was meant to happen.
That collision was a warning—my recklessness bleeding into everything. I had to get my act together.
Part of the metal was nearly touching the ground and it had been troubling me the entire ride. I pulled it out and shoved the piece of metal into the car. At the same time, the pump clicked, signaling the tank was full.
Even the sound startled me. Everything did now. Every noise felt too loud in this new quiet.
I placed the pump back and headed into the store. The cashier smiled and waved at me as I entered. Rows of snacks, drinks, and road maps greeted my eyes. My stomach grumbled as I moved in the aisles. I had never felt this hungry, this empty and so thirsty.
The hunger wasn’t just in my belly. It gnawed at my soul, the ache of freedom, the bite of guilt, the loneliness pressing down on me like iron chains.
I grabbed whatever I could fit into my hands before returning to the cashier.
I wasn’t thinking about brands or flavors, just survival. Just something—anything—to fill the void inside me.
The boy smiled at me once more, "How has your night been?" he asked while checking out the items in front of him.
My heart skipped. If only he knew. If only I could tell him the truth and not sound insane.
I sighed, not knowing what answer I should give him.
Should I say, I ran away from the hybrid who claimed me as his mate after staking him through the chest?
I killed my mate.
The thought echoed louder than any spoken word. It was deafening in my head.
"It's okay," I responded while bagging my stuff. "Just heading home. Could I get a road map of the state? I've no clue how to get out of this area."
I tried to smile, to seem casual, but even my voice trembled like it was fraying at the edges.
The boy chuckled and nodded, his fingers quickly tapping at the cash register. He disappeared for a moment and then returned with a detailed map. "This should help you. It has all the highways and towns marked."
He meant well. His kindness made my throat tighten. Normalcy was more jarring than cruelty.
I thanked him, the corner of my lips quirking up into a slight smile. It felt unusual, this normalcy after being trapped in that house for more than a week. I didn't even know how long it had been. I was just thankful I was away from it and from him.
Every breath out here was a reminder that I had escaped. But at what cost?
The events played in my mind again. His sleeping face, his vulnerability, the warmth of his touch—all played in my mind like a cassette. A knot formed in the pit of my stomach.
It hurt. The contradiction of what he was and how he made me feel—it tore at me.
Maybe I did wrong or maybe not.
But survival doesn't leave room for regret. Only consequences.
I stepped out into the chilly night air, clutching my bag of food close to me. A shiver ran through my body as I reached into the bag to grab the water bottle while heading back to my car. I hastily pulled open the door and got inside, trying to escape from the cold outside.
The interior of the car welcomed me like a safe cocoon, but even here, I couldn’t stop shaking.
There were not enough layers of cloth that could bring the warmth I had felt in the room, with my mate.
That warmth hadn’t just been physical. It had crept into places I didn’t even realize were cold before.
I huddled into the driver's seat, forcing the uncomfortable thoughts away. I was not going to think about Lucien now. I was not.
He was supposed to be gone. This was my life now. Mine.
My fingers were numb from the cold as I unscrewed the cap of the water bottle. The water was chilly, too, as it slipped down my throat, but it helped to push down the knot that was stuck there.
It didn’t help much. Nothing really could.
I started the engine and the growl of it filled the silence of the night. The fuel gauge pointed to full, finally. There was nothing that was going to stop me from reaching back home now. I pulled open the state map and unfolded it on the steering wheel. It was difficult to read under the poor light, but it was better than blindly driving.
My hands trembled slightly as I traced the lines on the paper. One route. Just one that would take me far enough away.
A deep sigh escaped my lips as I found the route leading me out of here and back on the main highway.
Almost there. Almost free.
But just as I was about to put the car into drive, my heart lurched into my throat. A familiar scent lingered in the air, causing every hair on the back of my neck to stand on end.
No. No, it wasn’t possible. Not here. Not now.
It couldn't be.
It couldn’t.
But as I slowly turned my head, the fear thickened into a bone-chilling reality. There, sitting in the passenger seat as though he had all the right to be there, was Lucien.
Alive. Whole. Breathing. Awake.
I screamed.