Yearning for his touch
Water ran over my body as I scrubbed away the last traces of him from my skin, especially between my legs. No matter how much I cleaned myself, his touch still lingered. He was a nightmare I could never wake up from. Never. When this heat was going to go, another one would come and it would consume me again.
I was vulnerable in front of him, in front of my own desires, especially now that I’d gotten a taste of what pleasure was.
Even as I scrubbed, my skin betrayed me, yearning for his touch, his taste. My heart ached, and my body burned, but not from the hot water. The need for him had seeped deep. It was a curse I couldn’t shake away, a chain that shackled me to him.
The fucking mate bond.
It could’ve been anyone but him, anyone but this monster. Anyone.
I hated him, and yet, part of me still wanted him. Wanted his touch, his gaze, his possession. No matter what I did, the truth could never change.
I stepped out of the shower a moment later, the cold air of the room sending shivers down my spine. As I changed into a fresh pair of clothes, my hand reached the nape of my neck. Why wouldn’t he drink from me? Or give me his blood?
I didn’t understand.
I lay down on the bed, my body still buzzing from the night I’d spent with him and the morning. The sun hit right over the window in my room and it fell over the dark walls. Everything was dark in this house, haunted as I assumed first and so were the people living in here.
A knock landed on the door and I quickly sat up straight.
"You're feeling okay?" Estella asked me as she walked in.
I nodded, "Yes." I didn’t know if she knew what had happened or that I wasn’t here last night, rather with Lucien, in a room.
She was right when she told me not to go to him. She knew him far better than I did. And maybe if I had listened to her, I wouldn’t be feeling so jealous... so hurt by him. If I had left him alone, he wouldn’t bring another woman in front of me and drink from her to fulfill his hunger.
"I got you some tea, and a sandwich," she said while walking inside.
"Thank you."
I took the tray from her hands and kept it on the side.
Estella stood near to me, eyeing me for a moment before she questioned, "You went to him, didn’t you?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "And it was the worst decision I ever made."
"Oh, my dear, why?" Her comforting hand came over my shoulder as worry appeared in her tone. She didn’t know anything.
"Because I’m a fool and I thought he’d be forgiving and kind, not that he’d bring another woman in front of me and drink from her." I managed to say, each word tasting bitter on my tongue.
The room fell silent as I let out a shaky breath. When it sank in, it hurt more. I expected Estella to scold me, to tell me how foolish I’d been, but instead, she stepped back in surprise.
"He drank from someone?"
I looked up at her and nodded, "Yes."
Her eyes widened in clear shock. For a moment, she just stared at me in silence. It was something odd and not a reaction I expected from her.
"What is it?" I asked her.
She blinked a few times as if snapping back to reality.
Then, with a swift shake of her head, she forced a smile. "Nothing. It’s just—surprising that he’d drink from someone else."
"Apparently he does."
It was all just a lie that he didn’t drink straight from the source, because he did, right in front of me. He did it and he did it so I could feel jealous, so I could feel the sting of betrayal.
Without saying anything else, Estella neared me and patted my shoulder once more. "I’m sorry."
I swallowed hard, pushing back the tears that threatened to spill over. My arms wrapped around her and I closed my eyes. "I just want to go home," Home. The word stung in my head. This place, this room, it could never be my home.
This was nothing more than a cage, a prison for me. "I just want to see my mother one more time. Please, Estella."
I didn’t know if I had the strength to be here for another day, to play my mate’s games, to ruin my own self just to win from him.
"I’ll see what I can do."
By the time she left the room and when I reached for the tea, it was already cold. I drank it anyway. It was hard to imagine a future with my mate. I didn’t know how I was going to live with him, or even survive. I could still feel the jealousy in my bones from earlier and it wasn’t going away.
My wolf didn’t urge me to reach for him anymore. She was silent now. As silent as she could get.
I finished my tea and placed the cup back on the tray. The door creaked open and in walked Lucien as if he owned the world. His eyes scanned the room before settling on me while a smirk danced on his lips. It truly never went away.
"Pity you’re all alone, even in your heat," he said, closing the door behind and walking further in.
"Better than being in your presence." I responded, my voice colder than the tea I’d sipped earlier.
"Ouch," he finished off with a chuckle and neared me. In front of me, he was tall, imposing, and predatory, but I no longer feared him. I hated him. His fingers slipped under my chin and he made me look up at him. "You seem to be furious. Perhaps you’d like some company to help quench all that jealousy."
I stiffened at his words and pushed his hand away. "I don’t need company, Lucien. Especially not yours."
"Really? And here I thought you needed your mate during your heat."
"Your mistake," I replied sharply, and met his gaze. "Why don’t you go fuck that woman you drank from?"
"Why not you?"
I pursed my lips shut and eased back, holding myself together before I completely snapped at him. When I didn’t give him a response, he chuckled and left the room. This was what he wanted to do. Torture me. That was all his intentions were.
My fists curled on my side and I remained seated on the bed for a few more minutes. When I finally got up to slam the door shut, I heard something else, something that intrigued me. Voices, of Estella talking to Lucien. I quickly stepped out of the room and listened to them.
Maybe if I couldn’t get through to him, she could, at least about letting me go back home for a while.
At least a few days.
"I did not use any mind control, Estella. I don’t see a problem here. No one was harmed, no one died." Lucien’s voice echoed through the house and it wasn’t brimmed with sarcasm or amusement. It was serious, deadly serious.
"You still drank from a girl, Lucien. We both know what this is leading up—"
"It’s leading to nothing, nothing at all. It was just one time, and I won’t be doing it again. I know that. I can control myself. This is not like before, I know what’s right and what’s wrong. Nothing is going to happen." He reassured her in a way I’d never heard him do.
My brows furrowed at their conversation. What was happening? What was wrong?
"I better not hear about your teeth in someone’s throat again. If I do, I will raise your mother from her sleep and ensure she manages you. Once she’s awake, you know well what’s going to happen. All of this—it will not be like this and there’ll be a chance where she might even go against—"
"I know, I know," There was no fear in his tone, I could sense it so well. He was scared of something. What was it? "I’m in control. There’s no need for anything. It was just once and I won’t do it again."
"Good," Estella responded to him. "And there’s something else."
"What?" I heard his footsteps moving in circles, he was pacing which meant he was worried.
The mighty monster was scared of something.
I was curious to know more.
"She wants to go to her mother, to check on her," It didn’t take me long to understand that Estella was talking about me. She was really telling him. My heart jumped with joy and hope, and I prayed he did agree. "It’s difficult for her to be here when you snatched her away from her family and friends. It will just be a few days and if you want, I can go with her."
"No." His response was stern.
My back pressed against the wall behind and I released a suffocated breath. Why not?
"She wants to see if her mother’s alive and doing well. You saved her yourself."
"It would be better if she was dead."
"Lucien," Estella snapped at him. "Is she alive or not?"
"Who the fuck cares? I don’t care if that woman is alive or not and there’s no one leaving from here. Especially Aurora. It’s over my dead body she’ll ever be going back to her mother."