Chapter 18

I weakly closed my eyes and got out of his grip. I forced myself to stand up straight.

My chest got heavier. It's debilitating. Why does he have to see me like this? In this situation? Why does he have to see me weak? He should've stayed in the hotel. Why is he here? Why does he have to follow me? He shouldn't have seen me cry and fall.

"Melissa, let's go." Aunt Matilda said.

Zoren supports me so I can stand up straight. Before walking inside, I looked at him. I saw him looking at Aunt Matilda. And when he probably noticed my stare, he looked down at me.

"I'll wait for you here," said Zoren.

I was going to say that he go to the hotel. That he let me here first. But I don't have the strength to say that anymore. I know he will only insist on what he wants to wait for me outside. I will just waste my energy if I argue with him just for that matter.

I gently nodded to him before finally entering the hospital.

We caught up with mom who was having the tubes removed from her body. She was about to be covered with a white cloth when we arrived.

"Just a moment," aunt stopped the hospital men.

I covered my mouth with my hands to stop sobbing. My tears are falling one after the other.

But no matter what cover I made, my sobs still came out.

I feel like my whole world is falling apart. I feel like mom took me with her when she left. I lost my strength. I lost my life.

"M-mom..."

Even though I was crying and almost crawling, I came to mom and immediately hugged her.

"MOM! WHY?!" I cried full of anguish.

My voice was full of pleading. Praying that this is all just a dream. Or if it's not a dream, I hope there will be a miracle. I hope mom lives. Even though I know it's impossible, I still hope. That's all I have and the people in my situation right now. Hope is the only thing we have. Hoping for their hearts to beat again.

But no matter how I pray while listening to mom's heart, I can't hear a heartbeat anymore. She left me completely!

"I can't do this... Mom, I can't! How am I now, Mom?! Mom!"

I saw how dad used to battered mom. I saw how mom cried because dad was coming home drunk. I saw how he would rub dad's clothes hard because she didn't get to remove the red lipstick marks on his clothes. I saw how she suffered with dad.

"Mel, forgive me but I can't live with your dad anymore," her cheeks were filled with tears as she said that to me one night after dad came home drunk and she got hit on the cheek again.

"Don't you love dad anymore?" I asked.

I don't know why I even asked that. But maybe I'm still young. I didn't think it was likely anymore. Any woman will run out of love for a man who hurts them.

Because love doesn't last forever. It's just like a plant that if you don't take care of, and don't water it with love, it will slowly die.

"Love... I really love him.."

But what I don't understand is why despite the pain that dad caused to mom, she was still able to answer me like that.

Why does she still love dad?

"We're leaving for a while. But, you'll be back soon. You'll be back with your dad. He can't be alone, Mel. He doesn't know how to cook his food. He doesn't know how to wash his clothes. He doesn't know how to take care of this house. So promise me, when I'm gone. You'll be back here."

I didn't understand then why she was saying those things.

My whole life I think I have seen nothing else but every tear of my mother. Not only because of dad but because of her illness. Sometimes I want to question God why mom is in this situation. Why do I only see suffering? Why is he so cruel to us?

But am I right to question him? Am I right to blame him for everything just because I'm angry? Just because I'm hurt?

I do not know.

Seeing mom now lying there with her eyes closed and lifeless makes me lose what's left of my sanity.

It was cold in the morgue when we took mom. My hand was shaking as I slowly covered his face completely with the white cloth I was holding.

"We have to go out, Mel," aunt whispered.

I slowly nodded while staring at mom.

"Let's go."

I took a deep breath before completely turning around and followed Aunt Matilda out of the morgue. "When will the funeral parlor pick her up?" I asked after coming out.

"They say they're coming..."

Aunt put her two hands on both of my shoulders.

"I'll take care of this. Go home and rest. I'll call you when everything is fine and your mom is home."

"Is it at home?" I asked.

Aunt nodded.

"That's what she told me before. She wants to be buried in Ilocos."

"I'll take care of it, Tita. I'll just go home to Ilocos and take care of mom there. You don't have to come home with me."

Aunt shook her head.

"I'll come to Ilocos with you, Mel."

"Auntie..."

"I'm fine. Don't worry. Maybe that man isn't there anymore. I'm sure he took my son to a far away place. Maybe he's already abroad. So don't worry about me."

I bit my lip and sighed again.

"I'll just call grandma and tell my boss to let me go home to Ilocos for mom."

"Was he your boss? The man earlier?"

"Yeah."

Aunt stared at me for a moment before slowly nodding.