Chapter 116. Long live alcohol
"Can you stop pacing back and forth? You're making me dizzy," Jacob said from his seat. I looked at him, irritated.
"She's in there because of me."
"The situation must have overwhelmed her, Jackson. She's human. How do you think she felt after you broke her heart with those words? Wasn't everything else enough? Even I would have told you to get lost."
"I exploded. I just know I exploded and couldn't control it, Jacob." I ran my hands through my hair. "The way she ended things with me, just like that, without... talking it out first. She wanted me to suffer like she was suffering at that moment. I just... didn't know what to do. And I regret saying those words so much."
"I understand," Jacob murmured, getting up from his chair and letting out a heavy sigh. "You're new to this relationship stuff, but that's no excuse. What matters now is that she gets better and takes the time she needs, you know, while you work on that plan to clear Lilly's name."
"Yeah, I know." We stayed seated in the waiting room chairs for about ten more minutes when Leah arrived. She seemed lost in her own world, as Jacob called out to her, and she didn't respond.
"Leah?" She finally looked at him. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes, yes," then she looked in my direction. "I'm sorry, but you can't see her."
"Alright, then can you tell me if she's okay?"
"She's getting better. She has high stress and dehydration," my heart pounded hard, "but she's on an IV now. She'll be discharged in a couple of hours, but she needs to be in a calm environment. My mom is staying with her, and my dad will join her soon."
"I'm glad your sister is improving," Jacob whispered, then wrapped an arm around her waist, and they exchanged discreet smiles before she looked back at me.
"I shouldn't be telling you this, but once everything is cleared up... she's going back to London." That hit me hard.
"What? But... she can't leave... She can't leave me... She can't go."
"She will as soon as it's clear she wasn't involved."
"I know she wasn't, despite all the evidence against her and..." Leah interrupted me.
"But you doubted, Jackson. And when you doubt, something breaks." Her words crushed me further.
"I know, and I regretted it immediately and apologized." I started to feel short of breath. I had to control myself. She wasn't going to leave, or I would go with her wherever she went, but I wasn't willing to let her walk away from me.
"Calm down, Jackson," Jacob said, letting go of Leah to grab my arm. "You're going to start hyperventilating. Let's go outside..." I shook my head and tried to pull away, but he was strong. "You can't get sick."
After stepping outside for some air and calming down, I said goodbye to Jacob and Leah and left. I got into my car, remembered Lilly's father's car, and parked in the back row and several spaces away so they wouldn't see me. I stayed there, waiting to see her.
Three hours later, I saw Beatriz and Harry approaching with Lilly. My heart raced as they got closer. I felt my chest rise and fall, the pounding in my ears. Then she brushed the hair that the wind had tousled, and I saw her face. She was still pale. Her mother opened the door for her to get into the back seat, then her parents got in, and they drove away. I closed my eyes and replayed our moments together, but my mind clung to the image of her look in the office, her lower lip trembling, me yelling at her.
"You have to do it now." Then I left the hospital.
I got to my apartment and searched the bar for the biggest bottle, turned the music up loud, and collapsed onto the terrace couch. It was cold, but that didn't matter. A couple of hours later, my phone rang. I looked at it immediately, hoping it was Lilly telling me she wanted us back together, that she wouldn't leave me, but it was just my mother's name. I slid the button to answer.
"Jackson?" she said when I didn't greet her.
"M-Mom, what brings you to call?" There was a murmur on the other end of the line. I had finished the whole bottle but was still conscious. "Your son told you, didn't he?"
"Are you drinking?"
"Yes, why? Want some of my best whiskey?"
"Jackson, you need to stop." I rolled my eyes and started laughing. "It's not funny," my mom said angrily.
"Oops, sorry for laughing, your highness!" More laughter, then I hung up and tossed my cell phone onto the other couch. I didn't need lectures right now. I wanted not to think, not to feel how I felt, and the only way I saw was to lose myself in alcohol for a moment. I fumbled around the bar for more whiskey. There was a medium-sized bottle left. I grabbed it and collapsed onto the living room sofa. I kicked off my shoes as best I could and yanked off my tie, throwing it into the air. It landed near the fireplace. I took a long swig, then leaned my head back against the sofa. The burning sensation of the liquid sliding down my throat was no longer felt; my throat was numb from all the drinking. I closed my eyes as everything started to spin, and I finally managed to drift into a cloud of relaxation. I wasn't thinking, I wasn't feeling anything... I just wanted to forget today, my words, her distressed look, the tears, her eyes... and darkness finally came over me.
"Jackson," I heard a voice, but I didn't want to open my eyes. I just wanted to stay like this, suspended in nothingness. "Jackson? My God, you reek of alcohol! All you need now is a cigarette." That was my mother. I opened my eyes and sat up on the sofa. I saw her a bit blurry. How long had I been out?
"What are you doing here? You should leave me alone. I want to be alone today..."
"Just today? You've been locked up in this damn attic for two days. Sit down. I'm very angry with you. You've forbidden the housekeeper and your own family from coming up. I had to talk to lawyers to get the manager to let me up," she said, standing up and moving away. "You've finished the bar, you're a mess, you stink, and I can't believe..." Her voice broke. I shifted in my seat with a horrible headache, the ringing in my head was deafening.
"Don't shout..." I murmured.
"What is wrong with you? This isn't like you. When did you...?" She stopped herself. "You need to take a shower, get dressed, and eat something." The elevator arrived, and I turned my head slowly to see the housekeeper, who was shocked at the mess for the first time since working with me. "Can you prepare some food? I'll make sure this man gets up and takes a shower."
"I want more whiskey," I said, trying to get up from the sofa. My mother came closer and shook her head.
"You're coming with me. Let's go!" The way she commanded reminded me of my childhood. With her help, I made it to my room and sat on the edge of the bed while she prepared the bath. My gaze was fixed on a spot on the carpet at my feet. "The water is ready. Do you want me to undress you for the bath too?" I looked up, horrified, and shook my head. "Then go on. Bath, clean clothes, and food." Seeing that I didn't respond, her face softened. She looked at me without saying anything more. My tears started to fall down my cheeks, shocking her.
"I don't want to feel like this, Mom," I said, clutching my chest as more tears flowed. "Something's squeezing my heart, almost making it explode..." She came closer and sat beside me.
"Jacob told me everything that happened." She let out a long sigh. "I know how you feel. You're my son, I love you, and even though I wasn't there for you once when you needed me, unlike today, I'm here with you now. It breaks my heart to see you like this," her voice cracked for a moment. "I wished with all my heart that you would find love, know it, and enjoy it. But I knew that at any moment on that path, you might experience the pain that comes with love," she wiped her tears. "If I could take away your pain, I would. But I can't. It's part of the experience you have to know and feel sooner or later. I know you didn't ask for this advice, but..."
"Mom..." I whispered.
"You need to put distance between the two of you to heal. Drinking whiskey like the world is ending won't erase your feelings for Lilly. You'll only lose yourself," my mother whispered as she caressed my hand.
"And what do I need to do besides putting distance between her and me?" I asked, wiping my cheeks as she smiled.
"First, take a bath to get rid of that whiskey stench. Then change and eat something. You've been out of it for two days, and there's a lot to do to clear Lilly's name."