Chapter 70 Chapter Sixty-Six
Alex’s Point Of View
At first, I told myself I was just imagining it.
People got close all the time so this meant nothing.
Friendships usually shifted, they usually drifted.
So Demi had every right to move on, to find comfort in someone who wasn't me.
I'd told him I couldn't be with him, that I couldn’t give him what he wanted
And then i’d chosen someone else, someone that wasn’t him.
So why did it feel like someone was carving pieces out of my chest every time I saw him with Chris?
They were everywhere together now, literally.
I would always see them walking into school side by side.
They were sitting too close at lunch, laughing at whatever the other one was saying, they would even share foods too and that irked me.
One time I saw them sharing headphones, I bet Demi was introducing him to a new artist he has found.
I hated listening to them laugh, it usually wasn't loud or obvious or romantic enough for anyone to comment on outright, but I noticed every detail.
The way Demi leaned toward Chris when he laughed.
The way Chris looked at him when he talked.
The way Demi smiled differently now, it was softer, steadier, like someone who felt safe.
That smile used to be mine, a few weeks ago I was the one he was directing that smile at and now-
I hated myself for thinking it.
Claire noticed before I admitted it to myself.
"You're staring at them again Alex," she said one afternoon, nudging my arm gently.
I blinked. "What?"
She followed my gaze.
Demi and Chris were sitting on the steps outside the building, shoulders pressed together, talking about something serious.
Demi gestured with his hands, animatedly. Chris listened intently, eyes never leaving his face.
Claire's hand fell away from my arm.
"Oh," she said quietly.
I looked at her then, really looked at her, and guilt slammed into me so hard I almost felt dizzy.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to-“
"It's fine," she interrupted, but it wasn't convincing. "You've just been... somewhere else lately."
"I'm just tired," I said automatically.
She nodded, like she'd heard that excuse too many times to argue with it anymore.
I told myself to stop watching them, that I was looking like a creep.
But I failed.
Every day, it got worse.
I didn't know what Demi and Chris were.
That was the problem.
I didn’t know if they were dating or they were friends with benefits, just like he and I used to be, i wish I could categorize it but I can’t.
If they were just friends, I could dismiss my reaction as paranoia.
But it existed in that awful in-between space.
Ambiguous.
Intimate.
Undefined.
And my brain couldn't leave it alone.
I started noticing patterns.
Chris driving Demi home instead of Kyle.
Demi texting Chris during class, smiling at his phone.
Chris waiting for Demi after practice.
I caught myself checking where Chris was before looking for Demi.
That realization scared me.
I had a girlfriend.
I was supposed to be happy.
I chose Claire. I was the one who had asked her to be in my life, I need to stop this.
Instead, every time Claire reached for my hand, it felt like an intrusion, like she was pulling me away from something I couldn't see clearly but felt nonetheless.
A few days later we were on my bed, we were watching some show she introduced me to.
Something I knew Demi would love to watch.
"You've been distant," she said as she sat up straight, gaining my attention.
"I know," I admitted, I didn’t have the energy to lie, I didn’t know what to say to that.
"Did I do something?" she asked me, she looked sad. Her eyes looked like they had bags in them, it was so uncomfortable to look at her because I knew I was somehow the reason behind them.
"No," I said too fast. "It's not you."
She went quiet at that.
"That doesn't help," she said finally as she gave me a defeated look.
I didn't have an answer for her.
Because how was I supposed to explain that watching Demi laugh with someone else felt like losing him all over again?
That it shouldn't matter, but it did?
That I didn't even understand what I was losing?
.
At dinner that night, my mom watched me closely.
"You haven't eaten much Alex," she said in a motherly tone.
"I'm not hungry." I gave her a short reply.
Bella snorted. "You've been saying that for three days."
"I'm fine." I almost spat at her, she needs to let this go and hop off my back. I said I’m fine.
"You're lying," she said flatly.
I pushed my chair back. "I've got homework." My father just gave me a look before he continued his food, he didn’t even try to say a word.
And for the first time I’m grateful.
I escaped to my room before they could ask anything else.
The quiet there felt oppressive.
I sat on my bed and stared at the wall, my thoughts circling the same place they always did lately.
Demi.
Chris.
The space between them that didn't exist anymore.
I told myself I was being ridiculous.
That whatever was happening between them had nothing to do with me.
That I didn't get to feel this way.
But knowing something logically didn't stop my chest from aching every time I imagined Demi choosing someone else.
Especially someone who knew me.
Someone who saw me every day.
Someone who might understand Demi in ways I never let myself.
That night, I dreamed of him.
Not anything explicit.
Just Demi sitting beside me, close enough that our shoulders touched.
He looked at me like he used to, open, hopeful.
When I woke up, my chest hurt so badly I had to sit up just to breathe.
I pressed my hand against my sternum, confused.
"What is wrong with me?" I whispered.
I didn't have an answer.
I miss Demi