Chapter 26 Chapter Twenty-Six
Alex's Point Of View
It was now after class and we just got done with practice and I spotted Demi and Chris talking outside under the tree. They were sitting there just eating snacks.
Our coach had to leave for an emergency so we had to cut it short.
I watch Demi’s face, lit up with a smile that I’ve seen a thousand times before, but this evening it feels different, more vibrant, more alive.
And Chris, with that easy grin, leaning in just a bit too close, like he’s trying to get a better look at whatever Demi is showing him on his phone.
‘Ughhh’ I mentally groaned.
I feel like I’m underwater, the air thick and heavy, every breath a struggle.
My heart pounding fast and erratic and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m annoyed, jealous, or just confused at this point.
Maybe all three?.
I don’t even know what I’m feeling most. All I know is that watching them together makes something inside me churn, it was strange, and an uncomfortable feeling that I can’t ignore.
Demi is MY best friend.
Or at least, that’s what I believe.
But lately, I’ve been questioning everything.
His smile, his laugh, am I just seeing them in just a friendly way?, Or is there something more?.
And then Chris, Chris, who’s been a part of my life for way longer, he’s suddenly so close to Demi-something that has never happened in his three years of knowing Demi-, and I can’t help but feel like I’m losing him too.
Why did they have to get so close and why are they so close?.
It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid. I shouldn’t feel this way.
Demi isn’t mine, I don’t own him. We’re just friends. Just boys. But my feelings are messier than that. They’re tangled up in a web of uncertainty and jealousy that I can’t seem to untie.
I try to focus on my phone, but the screen blurs under my gaze.
Every time I glance up, I see Demi’s head tilt towards Chris, their voices muffled but their body language loud and clear.
I catch myself biting my lip, trying to suppress the sudden surge of envy. It’s like watching a scene I want to be part of but can’t.
Why am I feeling like this? Is it because I wish I was the one making Demi laugh like that? Or is it something deeper, something I’m scared to admit even to myself?.
No, that’s not it, it’s just because I’m jealous that they’re not speaking to me.
That’s it.
That HAS to be it.
Dear lord let it be it, because watching them together makes my stomach ache, and I don’t know what to do with that.
I shift my weight, pretending to check my notifications, but my eyes keep drifting back.
Demi’s face is so animated, so alive-something I haven’t seen in a few days now-, and I wonder, do I want that for myself? Or am I just jealous because I’m afraid of losing him? Because I don’t understand what I feel, and that makes everything worse.
Chris says something, and Demi laughs again, soft and genuine.
I feel a pang, sharp and quick, like a needle prick.
It’s not just envy.
It’s something heavier.
Resentment? Hurt? I don’t know.
All I know is that I want to be happy for them, but instead, I feel like I’m suffocating under this invisible weight.
I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. I tell myself I shouldn’t care so much.
That they’re just friends, just like I am friend with them.
And that was none of my business. But my heart doesn’t listen. It’s too busy pounding, too busy reminding me how much I don’t understand myself.
I wonder if Demi notices.
If he senses that I’m watching, that I’m struggling. I hope he doesn’t. I hope he just keeps smiling, keeps talking, keeps being Demi, unaware of the storm brewing inside my head.
This is what jealousy feels like, like a storm in my chest, tearing through my insides, leaving me empty and so confused.
I watched as he hugged Chris goodbye before walking over to me.
His smile slowly dropping as he approached me and that made my heart hurt and my stomach turn.
Was he not happy to see me?
Did I do anything to make him angry at me?.
“Is there something wrong Alex?” He asked me standing right in front of me.
I could just reach out to him, grab him and hold him so no one can ever take him from me.
“Alex?” He called out my name, his hand reaching out for my cheek, I felt him caress my face and I leaned into his warm touch.
“Yeah?” I muttered lowly as I rubbed my cheeks on his palm
“Are you okay?” He asked me, I can hear the concern in his voice.
“Yeah” I said reaching out to hug him and he hugged me back.
“Are you sure?, you seem a little sad and I don’t like that” he told me as he rubbed his hand on my back in soothing way. One that he knew always calmed me down whenever I was in a sad mood.
“Yes” I muttered into his neck as I buried my face in there. “Just hold me for a while”
“Okay” he whispered hugging me tightly
Both of us completely forgetting that we were standing under a tree in the schools parking lot hugging.
“I hate when you’re sad” I heard him say but it could just be my imagination.