17 Run. Run. Run.
Unlike the time when I confessed my gender to Rohan, I didn't wait for Rohan to reply. As if a bunch of rabid dogs were hot on my tail, I ran out of my room.
Run. Run. Run.
I heard Rohan call me, shout at me to stop, but my steps never faltered.
Run. Run. Run.
And not long after, I was comfortably, (well not exactly since the ground was damp and it stained my pants, but yeah), I was comfortably seated on the damp ground with squishy pants in between some love-in-a-mist flowers. The hangout anyone would die for. Not. Sighing deeply, I pulled my legs up to my chest before resting my head on them.
I love you.
Argh! Are you a total fool, Uthra? It was to this guy you wept that the “love of the life” cheated on you. It was to this guy that you confessed that you’d been lying about your gender. You always behave like a nutcase! But he never once did anything that hurt you in return. And now you go and confess that you freaking love him! What do you expect? I'm so, so, so disappointed in you.
Why do you always blame me? I'm you, you know.
Whatever.
Pulling my legs even closer, I closed my eyes. Mission one was to make Rohan social, which, surprisingly, had been accomplished. Now mission two was to get out of the school after the school festival without running into Rohan.
I'm so going to accomplish it.
Right.
*
*
*
"My room is not a motel," Rohit said, hands folded across his chest.
I just rolled my eyes and kept folding my freshly laundered clothes.
"I'm talking to you, you know."
"I can see that."
"Then just reply, you dumbshit!"
I sighed, turning to him. "Your room is not a motel," I replied. "Happy?"
This time Rohit rolled his eyes. "What's wrong between you and Rohan? First he ends up in my room swearing that he never wants to see you. Then you go all buddy-buddy again. Then you end up in my room and say the same. You both behave like a married couple and it's a big 'eww'."
"Will you shut up?"
"I'm throwing you out, like, right now," Rohit said and held me by my collar. "Get out."
I faked hurt. "Rohit, I'm your best friend."
"Yes," he said, but still dragged me towards the door, "and that's why I'm doing this. Just go make up with that kid already. You're his only best friend."
Best friend.
Right.
"Can you stop playing Cupid and man u—"
The door closed in my face and I stumbled back. This punk. I'm gonna kill him.
*
*
*
I felt a sigh coming up my throat and I hurried to swallow it back.
I. Will. Not. Sigh. Ever.
But I did end up sighing.
Loser.
At the moment, I was seated in my now favourite place in the dorm: the love-in-a-mist part of the garden. It had been three days of successfully evading meeting Rohan. Rohit did end up taking me in. I just wished my final days here would pass away without any awkward confrontation with Rohan. "That's not actually a good camouflage since the only similarity between you and the flower is that you both are wild."
I shrieked and staggered back. Rohan looked amused as I screamed as if he was Bin Laden standing in front of me with a AK-47.
"Shh, Uthra, shut up. You're screaming like a girl at night. Sound carries and the dorm is nearby, you know."
That made me shut up. And right when I became silent, reality kicked in.
Rohan Chakravathy was standing in front of me with a huge grin.
A huge grin.
Why?
Halt.
Change that to how.
But I wasn't there to think up of a reason since the adrenaline pumping through my veins opted for flight instead of fight or fright so yeah, I was doing just that. Stumbling due to the bushes and the dim night light, I hurried to... I don't really know. Somewhere away from Rohan.
"Damn it, Uthra! Will you stop running away from me?!" he shouted and I could hear his footsteps gaining on me. I pushed even harder as I ran.
The extra building which we called the “guest dorm” in which people from other schools stayed during any inter-school competitions came into my hazy vision and I don't know why, but my legs pushed even harder to turn around the corner of the building, as if I would lose Rohan in the process. Let me tell you, when adrenaline gets a hold of your senses, you only gain physical strength. All your morality and mental strength disappears ‘cause even though I knew running there wouldn't help me in any way, my legs took me there.
I turned the corner of the building but before I could pat myself mentally for my useless victory, something held my wrist and slammed me sideways into the wall.
OW!!!
What's with guys of this school slamming girls onto walls? Especially certain cousins who were hell-bent on slamming me to these stony walls. I mean, haven't they read about inertia and pain?
"Will you"— deep breath — "stop running" — dry coughing — "away from me" — again dry coughing — "when I'm talking to you, you punk?"
"Er..." The hand gripping my wrist tightened and Rohan's other hand made it's way against the wall, beside my head.
"Will you?" The way he asked that sent shivers down my spine and I found myself nodding meekly.
"Will you?" he emphasised and I rolled my eyes. When did he become this... I don't know, dominant and confident?
"Yes," I muttered and leaned my head against the wall with a sigh. I felt Rohan shift and suddenly--wait a freaking second, was he— was he leaning on me?!
"What the hell are you doing?" I wheezed as I tried to put distance between us, but the more I leaned back into the wall, the more he came closer. If that was even possible. Rohan's head fell forward until it was resting on my left shoulder.
"R-ohan..." I hated how my voice just... broke. But all that was running inside my mind was how close Rohan was. How hard he felt. Was he this hard and strong the two times I hugged him? Did he smell like this during all those months I sat beside him at class, all those times when he got me in a headlock and ruffled my already messy hair? "Rohan," I tried again, pushing him a little, but he didn't budge, "will you maybe step back a little?"
"No." Just one word. And not a word the guy I knew would say. He was shy. Not one to be this... daring and confident. What happened?
I slumped. "Okay, but if someone sees us, they'll misunderstand."
"No one will come here at this time of the night." Good point, but still...
My heart froze when I felt Rohan's nose run up my cheek and instinctively, my toes curled, as I tried to ignore Jurassic Park one, two, and Jurassic World combined, all of them tumbling inside of me. "Rohan... what— what are you doing exactly?"
He didn't stop nuzzling as he replied. "I don't know." His hot breath brushed my neck and it felt bizarrely good.
"Oh, okay." I couldn't say anything else. This was weird as hell. Yet, a very, very, very small and inappropriate part of me was kind of okay with it and even when I tried to punch that part of me away, it felt like it was growing up.
Still, I tried again. "Rohan, this is wrong. You're a teenage boy and I'm a teenage girl and this is really, really, really inappropriate in our society so please—"
The words died in the back of my throat as he breathed in my ear. "I know."
Heat spread across my cheeks and I bet at that time, I was blushing like a tomato. What was this boy doing to me? And why did it feel so deliciously good? "Your cheeks feel warm," he said, chuckling and I groaned. Why did I ever think blushing was cute when I was a kid? I tried to push him off but strangely, my hands seemed to clutch onto his shirt, and even more strangely, it felt like I was pulling him towards me.
What the heck was happening to me?
I tried again. "Listen here, mate," I said with fake determination, "I don't know what you're trying but—" The words were cut off yet again when the warmth that had been pressed against me for the past few minutes left me. Suddenly I felt really cold and I wanted to press myself against the guy I loved.
Rohan looked down at me, his black eyes shaded by the building's shadow. His lips were set in a grim line. Gone was the cheeky grin. "I'm sorry for behaving this way. I guess I lost it for a second." Rohan's hand on my wrist left and I wanted to pull it back and latch it around my wrist again. Totally weird, I know. When he didn't say anything else, I said the only thing that was appropriate.
"Nah, it's okay." But no, it was not okay. The fact that the guy I love just got intimate with me wasn't okay. The fact that I kind of, maybe liked it wasn't okay. The fact that I wanted him to do it again wasn't okay at all. Double not okay.
"Just don't leave me again, okay?"
"Rohan, I am embarrassed about the confession and I can't fac—" His forefinger pressed against my lips as he leaned in, his forehead resting against mine, peppermint mixing with my breath. Hot breath caressing my lips.
"Come back home, 'kay?" Just four words. But the impact was so huge that my knees buckled under me. Rohan hugged me so that I won't fall to the ground and chuckled lightly. "You're so cute when you act flustered, Uthra. And to think I really thought you were a guy until some months ago..." His chest vibrated against mine and for once, I wanted to just let go of what was right according to society.
Since I was small, my life had been perfect, but I didn't do anything for myself. I was trained to be the heir of our business. I got engaged to Danuj because that was good for business. I changed schools because of our business. I dressed up as a guy to save my family. In the centre of my world, it was never really about me. It was just me doing what was right for society, for the lives of people around me. And that made me decide. It wouldn't hurt to do what I desired for once. Just once.
So I did just that.
Standing on my toes, I hugged him back as fiercely as I could and whispered, "I'm home, roomie."