Chapter Eighteen

Chicklet waited outside the police station for Laura, sitting on the hood of her car, comforted by the fact that Hamilton was able to go in with Laura since she couldn’t. She didn’t know police procedure, but Laura’s brother had told her Laura would be on administrative leave for a bit while they investigated the shooting.

It had been a long night and neither Chicklet nor Hamilton had slept at all, but they’d taken turns getting coffee and stretching their legs. The way Hamilton grilled the doctor reminded Chicklet of all the reasons she liked him so much. He was a damn good cop, but when it came to his foster sister, everything else was secondary.

He’d make sure Laura came out of this all right. Not that there was any doubt. Laura hadn’t shot the asshole who’d attacked her because she was trigger-happy; she’d had no choice.

The question was, would Laura believe that, or would she beat herself up for the next couple of weeks while she was on leave, wondering if she could have done something differently? And how was Chicklet supposed to help her deal with the guilt when all she could do was be grateful that Laura had made it out alive?

I can do this. I have to. Chicklet took out a pack of gum and popped two pieces into her mouth. She frowned as Hamilton came out and leaned on the car beside her.

“You said you’d stay with her.”

Hamilton’s lips thinned. He glared at his shiny black shoes. “She asked me not to. I couldn’t force the issue in front of the captain. It would make us both look bad.”

Right. Chicklet sighed and chewed hard on her gum. “She’ll be all right. She’s tough.”

“Yep.” Hamilton glanced over at her. “Make you feel any better, saying that?”

“Nope.” But really, what choice did she have? She had absolutely no control over Laura’s job. So she simply held out the pack of gum.

He took a piece and they both chewed in silence. A car pulled up and Hamilton stood up straight as a man who looked like he was still in his teens got out of the passenger side. Ian White, one of the Cobras, stepped out from the driver’s side. Chicklet studied the younger guy. He had to be the rookie, Richards. She hadn’t seen him around, but he was vaguely familiar.

White nodded at Hamilton. “I gotta see my house arrest lady to tell her where I’ll be at during the road trip. She said she’d meet me here. Kid wanted to come for the ride. He said he got his bike stolen last week and he reported it?”

“Not my department.” Hamilton frowned at Richards. “I’m sure they told you they’d call?”

“But they didn’t.” Richards ducked his head and scuffed his sneakers on the pavement. “Figured I’d hear something the next day.”

“Well, you didn’t.” Hamilton’s tone went cold. “That should tell you something.”

Well, this was interesting. Chicklet watched Richards lean over to whisper something to White before getting back into the car. White gave Hamilton a narrow-eyed look before heading into the station.

She arched a brow at Hamilton.

He shook his head. “None of your business.”

“Got it.” But Chicklet wasn’t stupid. She had a feeling there was no missing bike. And Hamilton was a bit of a dick. Whatever. So long as he was there for Laura, she’d stay out of his personal shit.

Because Laura was about to lose one of the things she lived for, even if only for a little while. All she’d have left to fall back on was her family. And the only people she considered family were Chicklet and the Hamiltons.

Hopefully, that would change. But it hadn’t yet.

* * * *

“So you didn’t see him before he tackled you?”

Laura didn’t blink. Didn’t show any emotion. She relayed the facts as clearly as possible, as she’d been doing for the past thirty minutes, first on paper, now answering the questions the internal affairs officer had about her report. “No, Detective West, I did not see him. I was following procedure, securing the perimeter. The suspect—” Pepper. His name was Pepper. Only it hadn’t been. And her brain couldn’t find his real name. Which seemed wrong. But she took a deep breath and continued, needing to prove to the investigating officer that she was fit for duty. Even though she knew exactly how this would end. “—the suspect hadn’t shown violent tendencies in the past, but I knew I had to be careful because who knew what drugs he was on.”

West nodded, taking a few notes on the pad in front of him, his tone lacking any inflection as he moved on to the next question. “At what point did you feel the need to use lethal force?”

I didn’t. I didn’t want to kill him. But pulling the trigger was lethal force, and she wouldn’t get anywhere letting IA think she wasn’t well aware of that. She clenched her jaw and met West’s level gaze. “When he tried to stab me.”

“I assume you were trained in hand-to-hand combat? Showed the ability at some point to disarm a perp? You brought a gun to a knife fight, Officer Tallent.” He scribbled down a few more notes. “I will be reviewing all your training records to make certain you are current.”

“Of course.”

“The suspect…‘Pepper’?” West’s brow lifted as he glanced down at her report. “Is that his given name?”

“No.”

“I see. I will have to make the corrections once I receive the coroner’s report. In any case, you didn’t mention how he responded when you warned him to drop his weapon. It is important that you include all details in the—”

“I didn’t.”

“Didn’t?” West set down his pen and steepled his hands on the table. “Did you warn him that you would shoot?”

“No.”

“You mention several times in your report that you followed procedure. Verbal directives are not optional—they are imperative to procedure. But you failed to give them to the suspect.” Not a question this time. More like West was putting her on trial and finding her guilty with every single mistake she’d made. He didn’t look like he gained any pleasure from condemning her—that almost would have been easier to deal with. Then she could call him an asshole in her head and take up the challenge of not letting him get to her.

But he wasn’t trying to get to her. It was almost like he had absolutely no feelings at all and couldn’t care less whether or not she’d meant to kill Pepper. He was ice-cold, seeing nothing beyond the black and white language in the Code of Conduct that she hadn’t followed to the letter. Every other cop in their district was just happy she hadn’t died in the line of duty. West was neutral about her being alive, and seemed more intent on reminding her that her survival had been at the expense of someone else’s.

As if she could forget.

West asked a few more questions in the same detached manner before putting his notes in the file and closing it. He didn’t bother looking at her as he laid the final blow. “You will surrender your shield and service weapon, Officer Tallent. Until further notice, you are on administrative leave.”

“Until…” Laura wet her lips, not moving even though West had stood, clearly done with her. She’d expected to be put on leave, it was standard practice in this kind of case for an officer to get time off for psychological evaluations and to give the investigators time to do their job, but “until further notice” sounded like forever.

“Until I deem you fit for duty,” West said. Then he left.

He was gone, but the interview room had cameras, which meant she was still being watched. So she couldn’t fall apart as she pulled out her gun and took off her badge. Couldn’t show how hard it was to leave them on the table and walk away.

The men and women in the bullpen had the grace not to watch her as she made her way out. This was so much worse than the least dignified walk of shame. Almost as though she’d ripped off a limb and was expected to function without it. There was no fucking way she’d embarrass herself by crying, though her vision was blurry and her throat so tight it was hard to breathe. The only way she could manage was to let herself go numb. Air came a little easier as she distanced herself from her emotions. She went through the same process before every court appearance, no matter how difficult the case. A judge would respect her testimony more if she stuck to the bare truth, without emotion or personal bias.

And that was exactly how she’d earn her badge back. By showing the shrink she was “fit.” Pepper’s death was a tragedy. She might need to redo some training, maybe she would volunteer—no. She would do each and every thing they asked of her. No more, no less.

Chicklet and Ryan were waiting for her by Chicklet’s car, on the other side of the station, but Laura took her time getting to them. The calm mask of acceptance she’d pulled on wouldn’t fool them. She needed a few seconds to make sure it fit just right.

Another door opened and West joined Chicklet and Ryan, an actual smile on his lips. Sharp and cruel enough that she pictured him carving it into his stone-cold expression for special occasions. Why the hell couldn’t he have given her that smile during the interview? The man she saw facing her brother she could have dealt with, no problem.

“She should be out soon, Hamilton. I must say I’m a little disappointed, though. I was hoping, since she’s not a blood relative, that she didn’t share your disregard for the rules.” He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, tapped one out, then brought it to his lips and lit the tip. “Apparently it runs in the family.”

“You know damn well it was a clean kill, West.” Ryan shoved away from the car, his jaw developing that dangerous tick she knew meant trouble. “You got a problem with me, don’t take it out on her.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I handled her no differently than I would any other officer. And she gets no special treatment for being your foster sister.” West let out a puff of smoke with a laugh. “Please inform her a note from your mommy won't suffice for the psych eval.”

Ryan snarled and lunged forward, missing West’s throat by an inch and only because Chicklet had a firm grip on his arm. She hopped off the hood of the car, slipping between Ryan and West, to walk her crimson nails up West’s chest.

Chicklet let out a throaty chuckle. “Oh, you’d be fun to play with. All that power isn’t enough to compensate, is it? I could help you with your confidence, boy.”

Laura wasn’t too numb to grin at how red West’s face went as he caught on to the implication in Chicklet’s words. He took a step back and puffed hard on his cigarette before dropping it and crushing it under the sole of his boot.

“I’m not sure what you mean, ma’am. Please see to it that Officer Tallent goes to the initial evaluation. She’ll be off for the next month, at very least. Longer if she refuses to cooperate.”

A month…Laura opened her mouth wide to suck in as much air as she could, wishing she hadn’t let the numbness slip, even for a minute. Chicklet looked stunned, which seemed to satisfy West, because he disappeared back into the station without another comment.

Her brother let out a rough, angry sound and paced away from the car. Chicklet tipped her head back, eyes closed as though she could gather strength from the sun glaring down on them. The only reason they were both here was to support Laura, and Laura didn’t belong here anymore. But she did know where she still belonged. And what she needed to do with her sudden excess of free time.

She made her way to the car, ready to tell her brother, and her Mistress, that it was time to go home.

“Hey, sweetie.” Her Mistress came to her, took Laura in her arms for a firm hug. “This will be over before you know it.”

“I know.” Laura was pleased with how level she sounded. No mask on, she didn’t need one anymore. She was completely available to her Mistress, and there was no reason to trouble her with things neither of them could change.

Ryan stroked her hair and sighed. “He’s a miserable bastard, but I doubt he did anything unprofessional in front of the cameras. I’ve been through this a time or two myself and it fucking sucks, but a month is standard. He’ll handle this by the book. And if he doesn’t—”

“He followed procedure. I’m fine.” She smiled at her brother to reassure him. “You said I needed time off. Now I have it.”

“Yeah…” Ryan kissed her forehead. “You call me if you’re ever not, okay?”

Even though she nodded, he looked to Chicklet, waiting for her to confirm that she would if Laura didn’t before heading inside.

On the drive home, Chicklet looked at Laura several times as though she wanted to ask her something, but changed her mind. Once they were home, Chicklet brought Laura straight to the bedroom, handed her a change of clothes, and instructed her to take a shower. She didn’t say why, but Laura knew.

She knew, and for the first time since giving up her badge, she felt overwhelmed by pain. They’d cleaned her up at the hospital, but she’d headed straight to the station once she was released. Someone had brought her uniform, and she’d thought of nothing but making her report and letting those in charge decide her fate.

In the bathroom, she checked herself in the mirror. She undid her hair, combing her fingers through it and feeling the dirt still clinging to her scalp. Her face was clean, she’d scrubbed it in the sink at the hospital. But as she undid her shirt she noticed her hands—no, her nails. The crud under them was red.

She stripped. Turned the shower on and stepped under the spray. Mistress liked her nails clean. But she couldn’t seem to get the crusty blood out from under them. And there must be some on her face. On her body.

She could smell the blood. And taste the gunpowder. God! It saturated every inch of her. No wonder, since Pepper had been on top of her when she’d killed him.

Killed him…

She turned down the cold so the heat from the shower sliced at her. Her tears went down the drain with the steamy water and the soap she’d covered herself with. A hand on her shoulder made her jump. Her eyes widened as Mistress stepped under the spray with her, lips thin as she adjusted the temperature.

“You told us you were fine. You weren’t.” Chicklet smoothed the wet strands of hair from Laura’s cheeks. “Do you know what that means?”

I do. Or I hope I do. Laura chewed on her bottom lip. “You’ll punish me?”

Chicklet sighed, cupping Laura’s jaw in one hand and studying her face. “You need it, don’t you?”

“If it pleases—”

“Do. Not. Complete that sentence unless you intend to piss me off.” Chicklet’s fingers dug into her flesh with bruising pressure. “Do you need it?”

Only one answer. Two words. “Yes, Mistress.”

Chicklet’s lips twitched in a soft, approving smile. “Good girl.” Her small breasts rose and fell as she rolled her toned shoulders. “Wash my hair, then go to the backyard. Quickly, since it’s still cold and you’ll be in nothing but a towel. Fetch me a nice switch and I’ll take care of you.”

Laura nodded, then picked up the shampoo that smelled like all things fresh and green, with a touch of mint that tingled her senses. She lost herself to washing her Mistress’s hair, stepping out of the shower moments later to hold out a towel. She was calm when she left the steamy room and crossed the hall and the kitchen to go out back. But the laughter, the laughter of the men stopped her short. Tyler had his friends over. More boys to invade their home and act like fools.

She ground her teeth and strode out, not willing to let him stop her from obeying her Mistress. Hers, not his. He was messy, rowdy, and stupid. As she tore a limb from a small tree in the yard, her lips twitched into a crooked smile. Maybe she could go in there and “accidentally” hit him with the switch. In his cute little face. Really hard.

No. Mistress will be angry if you ruin her toy.

Laura nodded. Very true. He was only a toy. Mistress made that clear by letting him off his leash to run wild all the time. She wouldn’t if she really loved him. Like she loved Laura.

And he’ll be gone soon.

Biting her bottom lip, Laura hurried back up the stairs, hoping the guilt didn’t show on her face. Mistress wouldn’t be happy if she found out how hard Laura was working to make sure Tyler would be out of both their lives before long.

But she never needed to know.

* * * *

Chicklet stood in the hall, watching Tyler sprawled out on the floor, half his attention on Luke’s phone where they were watching a clip of Luke’s puppy pawing at the fridge until he got it open. Scott was in the kitchen, cooking something that smelled delicious. Raif sat on the floor to one side of Tyler, idly playing with his curls while studying her face, likely trying to decide how he could help her with the latest dilemma.

She’d texted Raif to let him know she and Laura were on their way home. He’d mentioned some “unpleasantness” from last night and told her Luke and Scott were over. She’d hoped that would be enough to distract Tyler, but she’d asked Raif to make sure Tyler didn’t run right to Laura and start fussing over her.

Tyler hadn’t moved when they came in, and Chicklet was glad she’d been able to get Laura right to the shower. But she could tell he was tense, his laughs were forced, and he needed to see for himself that Laura was okay.

She wanted to give that to him, but she wasn’t sure Laura was okay. She’d looked it until Chicklet had seen her in the shower, scrubbing like she’d never get clean. Giving her a task had gotten through to her, but she couldn’t let Laura hide in the sub zone forever. But now wasn’t the time to force the issue. Laura was looking to Chicklet to keep her whole. There would be therapy and a whole lot of shit to go through before Laura could manage on her own.

Until then…fuck, Chicklet felt like she was juggling all the pieces of her life as they continued to fall apart. They were all up in the air, and she couldn’t tell which piece she’d have to catch next.

The back door dragged open. Closed softly. Laura came to her side.

Raif rose from the floor, glancing at Chicklet before he approached Laura. His tone was soft, soothing as he lifted a wet strand of hair from Laura’s shoulder. “You look well. I was hoping we could see you before we are away for two weeks. I look forward to letting you know how the game went.”

“Game” not games. Chicklet did her best not to react, since she wasn’t supposed to know they were discussing anything other than the Cobras’ play on the ice.

The passive expression Laura had fixed on her face from the moment she’d stepped out of the shower shifted a little. Her lips curved slightly and her eyes lit up. “I am well, Sir. And you know we’ll be cheering for you.”

“I should hope so.” He met Chicklet’s eyes as he stroked Laura’s lips with his fingers. “Should I expect a reward if we succeed?”

Damn you. Chicklet ground her teeth and dropped her gaze as she saw Laura nod. She was tempted to take the switch and give it to Raif, only she had no delusions that he was enjoying himself. He was letting Chicklet see for herself how determined Laura was to follow through with her plan to get rid of Tyler. As messed up as Laura was, her main goal hadn’t shifted.

This was Chicklet’s household. Her subs. She lifted her head and put her hand on the back of Laura’s neck, her lips curving as she brought her girl closer to the Dom she’d let into their lives. “Kisses to our boys, pet. For luck.”

Raif pressed a soft kiss to Laura’s lips. Then stepped aside as Chicklet beckoned Tyler forward.

Tyler swallowed hard, smoothing Laura’s hair away from her face, taking a deep breath as though he needed a few seconds to let it sink in that she really was alive and well. His kiss was so tender Chicklet wanted to pull him away from Raif and Laura and put him somewhere where no one could ever hurt him. Laura being in a bad place now didn’t make what she’d done okay.

There was no way she could use the switch on Laura, not with how angry she was. But she’d already decided on a much better way to punish her girl. A way that would satisfy Chicklet and leave its mark in the long run.

She waited for Tyler to back up before tightening her grip on Laura’s neck. “All of them, sweetness. We’re on a play-off run. This win is very important, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Mistress.” Laura wet her lips. She understood what Chicklet wanted, but Luke was still on the floor, playing with his phone, completely oblivious.

Making a mental note to call Ramos and give him a brief explanation without revealing too much, Chicklet used the voice she knew would not only bring Luke to his feet, but have Scott in here to see what was going on. “I’m not accustomed to being ignored, boy.”

Luke dropped his phone and scrambled to his feet. He blinked at Chicklet as though she’d shouted at him in some alien language. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Scott approaching.

She gave Luke a big smile, baring her teeth enough to make sure he wouldn’t argue with her. “Laura wants to give you a kiss for luck. I think you should thank her.”

Laura stiffened. “Mistress—”

“Hush, pet.” Chicklet crooked a finger at Luke when he looked over at Tyler, who was frowning. “Come, boy, you had no issue kissing my other sub and I hadn’t offered him.”

Cheeks red, Luke took a step forward, then back, staring at his socked feet. “I didn’t know you were mad about that.”

“I won’t be if you do as I ask.”

He nodded and inhaled roughly before kissing Laura. The boy did nothing halfway, she had to give him that. His kiss was long and deep, and she was thankful that Scott had been there when he’d kissed Tyler. Who knew how far it would have gone otherwise. Laura let out a soft sound of need as Luke pulled away.

Now for the difficult one. Chicklet arched a brow at Scott.

He shook his head. “No. I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing, but count me out. I didn’t kiss Tyler.” He stared at Luke, retreating to the door, grabbing his shoes without putting them on. “I don’t owe you shit.”

After he was gone, Luke mumbled some excuse and quickly followed. Chicklet had a feeling she’d gone too far, but she couldn’t find it in her to care. She released Laura, instructing her to wait in the bedroom. Then she fisted Tyler’s hair in her hands, kissing him until she was sure she’d bruised both their lips. She had to let him go. Had to trust Raif to make sure he remained untouched by the lies and manipulation. But first she had to make sure he had no doubt this was where he belonged. Where he’d always belong.

“I love you so much.” She released his hair, laughing as she ran her hands over it. “Fuck, you trimmed it. How did I miss that?”

“You had a lot going on with your dad. It’s okay, Chicklet.”

“Play your heart out, angel. I won’t miss a single game. And I expect to hear from you every morning.” She buried her face in his hair, relaxing as she felt the strength in the arms he wrapped around her waist. She may call him “boy” during scenes, but he was a man. Her man. “Don’t fucking change. Don’t get in too much trouble, but get in a little.” She smirked at Raif. “I’ll be disappointed if you don’t drive him a little crazy.”

Tyler snorted, casting Raif a sideways glance. “I will be on my best behavior.”

She inclined her head and winked at Raif. “Consider yourself warned.”

The men decided they might as well get ready for the trip, and both said goodbye, Raif lingering after Tyler brought their bags to the car to whisper in her ear, “Don’t forget—I’m not the enemy.”

The reminder shouldn’t be necessary, but it was. And she felt herself relax a little as she let it sink in. He’d been there at every turn, for her, for Tyler. Even for Laura. She didn’t always like what he had to say, but he’d kept the playing field level.

What better reward than to make sure he was still having fun? She nipped his ear and chuckled. “A video, Raif. That’s all I ask.”

He smirked and nodded as he backed out the front door. “Consider it done.”

Things weren’t good, but they were better. She took her time going to the bedroom, discarding her towel before she climbed into the bed as though she didn’t notice Laura, kneeling on the floor with the switch held out in offering.

A punishment might help Laura get past some of the things haunting her, but in giving it to her, Chicklet was handing over control. Letting Laura call the shots. And they’d both had quite enough of that.

“Come to bed, Laura.” She saw Laura stiffen when she used her name, but she refused to let it sway her. If Laura loved Chicklet so much that she’d do anything to have her alone, she’d get her wish. Maybe only for a little while, but not on her terms. Laura would get the woman she’d claimed to love, or she’d get nothing at all.

Laura came to the bed, still holding the thin branch in her hand.

“Drop the switch.” Chicklet held up the blanket and waited for Laura to join her. “I don’t need it after all.”