**ROSEANA**
I couldn't continue what I was cooking. We just settled on fried fish and left it as it was because Damon and I were both hungry.
It was past noon when we ate lunch.
"After this, can you please leave?" I asked Damon calmly. I finished eating. I wait for him to finish before I put away and wash the dishes. I don't know why he seems to enjoy fried fish when there is nothing special about it. It is just a fried fish, but by the way he eats, it looks like he hasn't eaten in days.
He raised his head from his plate and looked at me. He put down his utensils. I handed him water, which he took.
"Do you mean us?" he asked seriously.
"No! You're the only one leaving, Damon. Go back to your condo," I urged him. "Stop wasting your time with me."
Why is he here, by the way? I want to ask him. it's Monday. He is supposed to be in his office, working.
His eyes darkened. "I am not wasting my time here, Roseana. I am getting you to come home," he said emphatically.
"I won't go with you." My voice is full of conviction. I want to let him know that my decision is complete and that it cannot be changed.
"Are you still mad? You can be mad at me as long as you want, but please come home.” I want to believe that I'm important to him; that's why he wants to bring me home. I want to, but my traitorous brain does not agree with my wish.
"Damon, it's not that easy what you want to happen," I said. I'm having a hard time explaining to him that the reason I don't want to go home is because I'm afraid my feelings for him will deepen. I don't want to go home because I will surely fall in love with him even more. I will be with him. I can be with him every day. We will act as husband and wife, even if no one can see. I will get used to being with him. I will be hurt when this ends.
That's what I'm afraid of. I was afraid that I would get too close to him and that I would love him too much. He is not mine. How many times have I said that? But my feelings seemed deaf to the truth. It's hard to dictate my feelings.
"Tell me. Tell me where you are struggling, and I will bear it for you," he said sincerely.
"I don't want to be with you. I don't want to live in your house."
As soon as it came out of my mouth, I wanted to take it back immediately when I saw the pain in his emotionless eyes. His mouth parted in surprise. He probably didn't expect me to say that.
I felt my conscience creep into my skin. Am I a bad person? Do I sound like an ungrateful brat because of what I said? but that is just the only way for him to stay away from me. That is the only way I know that I can save myself from falling deeper.
"You don't want to be with me?" he asked.
I clenched my hands, resting on my thighs. I want to take back what I said, but I know this is for the best. I wanted to take a break. I want to work on myself. I know this is selfish of me. Damon and I talked about how I would help him in exchange for him helping me as well. We have an agreement, but I will break it now.
I slowly nodded my head. I watched his reaction. His jaw tightened. I want to hide under the table because I can see the anger in his wild eyes.
I thought he would insist on what he wanted. I thought he would pursue me, so I went home with him. I made a mistake because instead of forcing what he wanted, he did the opposite.
His face turned emotionless. I couldn't read what he was thinking. I don't even see any expression on his face.
“Fine. If that is what you want," he said coldly. I flinched at his voice. It was so cold that it sent shivers all through my spine.
I was about to explain to him further, but that didn't work because he stood up from his seat and walked out of the apartment without saying a word. I want to stop him. Why do I feel like I will lose him if I let him go now? Why do I feel like this when I'm the one who wants him to stay away from me?
I don't know how many minutes I sat there, staring blankly at nothingness. When I came back to my senses, I quickly stood up and left the apartment.
I need to explain. That was what was running through my mind as I ran down the stairs.
His pained expression kept playing in my mind. Why I run to chase him means only one thing: I love him. I want to make things clear with him. I want to tell him that all I wanted was time with myself. I want him to know that he is misunderstanding what I mean.
"Oh, Roseana, why are you running?"
I ignored my landlady, who followed me with a confused look. I also didn't pay attention to the people I almost bumped into.
I was catching my breath when I got out of the apartment building. I moved my eyes around, searching for Damon. Why do I feel like I will be losing him when I don't catch up with him?
I don't see him. How fast did he leave?
I saw some women gathering in a nearby shop. They are also boarders in the apartment building, but I don't see them often.
I walked closer to them. I am desperate. They must have seen where Damon went. His expensive car seemed to dazzle people, so it was impossible for people not to notice him.
"Maybe he has a girlfriend. He's so handsome that it's impossible not to have one."
"I hate to admit it, but I guess he has one."
"Of course! It's surprising if he doesn't have a girlfriend with that yummy body and handsome face of his!"
"Oh, that's sad. He is kind of my style."
"Girl, all handsome men are your type. Don't fool us."
Three women were sitting in front of a sari-sari store.
I wanted to ask them questions, but I couldn't get into what they were talking about. I am ashamed to speak suddenly.
Their conversation was interrupted when the woman with red hair turned her gaze in my direction. Her gaze was followed by the other two women, so three pairs of eyes were looking at me.
"What?" the woman who noticed me first asked.
"Ahm, I'm sorry if I disturbed the conversation."
I couldn't finish what I was saying when the second woman cut me off. "Yeah. We got it. So, what do you need from us?” she asked. I mentally flinch at her tone.
I took a deep breath. "Have you seen a man this tall? He came out of our apartment building." I motioned how tall Damon was. Their brows furrowed at my question. They looked at me as if I had grown three heads.
"Look, Miss, we're not guards to watch those coming out of the apartment building, and we're not police for us to look for missing people," she sassily answered. She even rolled her eyes at me. She is that girl who was noisy earlier.
The third woman stopped her. Her gentle face grimaced as she looked at his two companions, looking like she was scolding them silently. She looked at me and gave me an apologetic smile. I immediately understood what she meant, so I smiled at her to assure her that it was fine.
"I'm sorry, miss. We didn't notice anyone leaving the apartment," she said, her voice soft and gentle.
I sadly smiled. I thanked them, and with my shoulders dropped, I turned back to the apartment. I tried to call Damon, but his cell phone just kept ringing. I know that he knows that I am calling him, but he prefers to ignore my call.
"Wait, miss!" I stopped walking when the three women called me. I looked back in their direction. They are walking towards me.
"Are you looking for that handsome man who owns that unbelievably expensive car?" the red-haired girl asked me.
I promptly nodded.
"We saw him leave earlier," she said. "He looked angry," she said, sounding unsure.
I bit my lower lip. I think I used the wrong words earlier. He probably thought I was cutting ties with him.
"Hey, Roseana." I shivered when I felt Macy pinch my arm. I turned to her and looked at her, puzzled. Her face crumpled.
"You are spacing out. I've been talking here for a while now, and you're not listening." I am slouching in the living room while waiting for her to finish dressing up. Four hours had passed since I and Damon fought. My conscience does not silence me.
"Are you sick? You look sick to me.”
It's a good thing that Macy doesn't ask about Damon. Maybe our neighbors haven't told her about Damon yet. It is just a matter of time before that happens.
"I'm fine." I smiled a little at her.