Chapter 39

After Zerg left, the room fell silent again, leaving only the sound of my regular but heavy breathing. The tears that were unstoppable earlier were now slowly starting to subside. I sat on the edge of the bed, hugging my own body as if trying to protect myself from all the burdens. Zerg's words earlier still echoed in my mind, carving a feeling that was hard to ignore.

I knew there was truth in his words. Zerg may be an elusive and often cunning figure, but not all of his words are lies. Behind the provocation, he was right. So far, I've been living in a limbo between accepting the reality and pinning my hopes on Zask. The only reason I was still here was this child... and the false comfort I'd built around Zask.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my turbulent heart. All this time, I let myself be lulled by Zask's attentions that often felt sweet. But, who could guarantee that it would last? Even before this child was born, he had already shown that I was nothing more than someone who could be treated as he pleased. Zask could be gentle, but on the contrary, he could also be mercilessly cold. I can't ignore that fact.

I should have realized from the start that Zask, with all his authority, was a figure who was not bound by affection like I expected. Why was I so naive? Why did I think that a little kindness from him was a sign of sincerity? Why did I allow myself to be seduced by a small piece of attention, while he showed me that I was a prisoner, nothing more than someone who carried a successor for him?

Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind. I have been here too long, too long holding on to empty hopes, too long pinning my happiness on uncertain affection. What will happen after this child is born? Will I still have a place by her side? Or, after this task was completed, would he let me live in this prison without any freedom?

I let out a long sigh, letting those thoughts swirl around in my head. I don't want to be a person who just sits around, waiting for my fate to be decided by others. If I stay like this, I will continue to be trapped in an endless loop of waiting for genuine kindness that may never come.

Where is genuine kindness? Nothing is free, haha I should have remembered that from the start. Zask never intended to make me happy, but only wanted to make his children in my womb grow well.

Zerg may have hidden intentions, but he gave me a chance. I might not fully trust him, but compared to Zask, Zerg was more open in stating what he wanted. I recalled his offer to cooperate if he found the Bitfrox crystal. If the crystal really existed, perhaps it could give me the power to change my fate, or at least give me a chance to be free from this snare.

However, underneath all those thoughts, there was a lingering fear. I realized that Zerg was not someone I could fully trust. He had ambitions and hidden intentions that I couldn't fully guess. Although he offered a way out, there was something in his gaze and the way he spoke that made me feel wary. But, maybe... maybe this was the only way I had.

I let those thoughts roll around, and over time, the sadness in my heart slowly turned into a new determination. Perhaps I had been trapped in the wrong mindset all this time. I was too dependent on others, hoping that the affection they gave me was something genuine and eternal. In fact, in a world like this, nothing is certain. Maybe it's time for me to stop being naive, to stop hoping for things that I can't fully grasp.

Zerg was also not a person with a true heart, I knew that, because his mysterious nature kept bothering me, and I chose not to be naive for the umpteenth time.

I knew that cooperating with Zerg wasn't an easy decision, but I couldn't continue to be under the shadow of uncertainty. At least, this way, I had a little control over my own fate. I could choose my path, and perhaps, I could finally find a way out of all this.

My eyes stared straight ahead, feeling the debate inside my mind while feeling the silence that filled the room. I took a deep breath, feeling something change within me. For the first time since I've been here, I feel like I have a clear goal that doesn't involve feelings or dependence on others. A goal to protect myself and ensure that I have control over my life.

This decision wasn't an easy one, but I knew that I couldn't continue to stay in the shadow of Zask and my feelings for him. If I wanted to survive, I had to be more realistic, had to be able to distinguish between uncertain expectations and the reality that was before me.

In my heart, I knew that there might be great risks in every step I would take. However, I will not let myself be trapped in this dilemma forever. I've been hurt enough, and I won't allow myself to be hurt even more just because of hoping for something uncertain.

I was determined that, from now on, I would prepare myself to face whatever happened. If that means working together with the Zerg to find the crystal, then that's what I'll do. I didn't know what would happen afterwards, but at least I had the power to make choices that might lead me to freedom.

With determination slowly growing inside me, I whispered to myself, "I won't be a puppet anymore." I knew that, from this moment on, my life would no longer depend on others. I would walk on my own choice.