Chapter Fifty-Two

I said goodbye to Jessie with a certain amount of sentimentality. Going to Seattle, even for two or three days, was out of my comfort zone, and that's why I felt anxious and a bit out of touch with reality. Tony, Mads, anonymous messages, people in general, everything was jumbled up in my head. I felt desperate, and dealing with a temporary dislocation was good and bad at the same time.

The taxi took me to the airport, the traffic around us made me feel like I was standing still, facing the same monotonous view of cars and buildings on all sides. Remembering Mads hurt, it felt like everyone was against us, including him. What could he have done that was so bad? Of course, he's not innocent, he's a man of some power, at a very high level of society, there were always things going on under the table, right? But this wasn't just about Moser, it was about Mads himself, this layer I hadn't delved into yet, but about which I thought I knew enough to judge him better than most men. Was I such an idiot? Should I feel manipulated by him because that's what he does, or what's expected of an older man? Am I the only one who doesn't see this? It's frightening because no one will ever know what it's like to be touched by Mads, what it's like to have him and to lie on his back while he drives anonymously, camouflaged through the night.

No one would know that feeling, because it doesn't matter. My version of events doesn't matter. My biggest fear at the moment was that Mads would be convinced, as he had said before, or worse, that this layer of him that I thought I knew would suddenly turn out to be far beyond what I imagined and knew.

It would be too sad to have to admit that Tony was right.

I got out of the car after many minutes in traffic and found the right place at the airport on my own. Moser, He, had booked a private jet for all of us to Seattle. I walk through the area, looking around, trying to recognize someone despite the large number of people waiting for their flight times. In the distance I see Emily waving to me and sitting down on one of the benches, I focus on her and drag my suitcase across the smooth floor towards her.

"I've been to Seattle twice, less than I'd like." I hear a male voice talking to Emily and the other people around her. It must be Ryan James.

"I've never been, I'm looking forward to it, I like big cities and technology." Emily says. I approach in silence, trying not to interrupt the conversation, but fail miserably when I notice the stares that follow me even though I'm being discreet. I sat down next to her, and with a remnant of confidence, I raised my eyes to each of the people who were staring at me shamelessly. It wasn't fair of me to bow my head, not when I hadn't done it at Moser's party in front of hundreds of high society people. So there was no point in me bowing to people who were like me but somehow thought they were superior.

I recognized some of the faces, but not all of them. There were three other men and a blonde woman with short hair who was busy with her cell phone, but who sometimes looked at me with a certain coldness. One of those faces was familiar in my memory, the memory comes back with bitterness and I struggle not to groan with irritation. Perfect, of course. The man who, on my first day at work, had deliberately sat down at the table I had chosen, laughing and joking at my presence, was standing in front of me with a suitcase in his hands and a look that bordered on amusement and snobbery.

"I guess this is Dakota's first time too, huh?" Emily looks at me. I think she wants to include me in the conversation. The staff looks at me, Ryan holds the strap of his backpack with the same questioning look. I open my mouth, but it's not my voice that comes out first.

"I think it's pretty clear that she's going to have the same experience as you, Emilly." The man's familiar voice interrupts me.

"So that means the trip will be more than just work for us, Noah, we'll take a tour of the city if we have time." She looks at me, her lips as red as her suitcase. I nod, mentally thanking her for her help. Noah laughs and turns his face to the window, the runway is big and outside you can see two jets. Mads would fly separately, of course.

"Damn, it's supposed to rain in Seattle for the next few days." The blonde woman put down her cell phone and crossed her arms impatiently.

"Don't worry, Daphne, they say the view from the hotel is great." One of the men jokes with the blonde woman, giving her a gentle tap on the arm; she puts on a serious expression, but it's clear she's enjoying it, too.

Emily is talking to Noah between barbs, Ryan and probably Matthew Evans are watching and participating in the dialogue. I just take a deep breath for a few seconds and remain silent as I wait for the plane to board.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around, slightly startled. I see an older man in an airport uniform discreetly handing me a paper ticket. I looked at his hand suspiciously, I was tired of messages, of surprises, I wanted a normal day.

I took the note and opened it discreetly. I was confronted with scratchy, elegant handwriting, and I was sure it was from him.

*"You're welcome to join me."*

Part of me shuddered at the prospect of being alone with him again; Mads seemed to know very well that this was what I wanted most. But it wouldn't make sense, not after what he had suggested to Adrien about me, not after those messages. I couldn't be so reckless and irresponsible. Who would swallow the strange fact that I shared the same environment as Mads so intimately? Not the people around me. I carefully fold the paper and hand it to the man.

"Tell Mr. Moser that my answer is no." I say coldly and receive a nod of agreement from the man, who walks away.

"Talking about the boss behind his back is not a good idea..." Daphne says, her tone a little concerned.

"All employees talk about their bosses, it's automatic." Noah says.

"But not in front of her..." Daphne looks at me and I look back, waiting for her to finish. "She has close contact with Adrien, he could easily tell Mr. Moser."

"Are you calling me a gossip?" I laughed, that was funny. "When are you?" Somehow I've offended her, but I don't care. She's ready to give me an answer when the person in charge of our flight tells us to go outside.

Everyone carried their bags and I followed closely behind Emily, who seemed worried. The sunlight shines in my face and I have to raise my hand to eye level to see the plane we're boarding. The jet was white and luxurious, and there was a stairway to the entrance. We formed a line and the first to go up was Ryan, camera in hand. Daphne complained about his delay in taking pictures of the stairs, and a small smile formed on my face. From this distance, they seemed more human, more charismatic. Some people are very good at disguising themselves. Mads immediately comes to mind, but I pretend not to feel anything at the memory of him.

"Miss..." I turn and face the older man again, who holds out his hand with a new piece of paper. I look at him and thank him for his service as I tuck the note into my pocket.

“Finally!" Emily snorts and I find myself boarding late.

Inside the plane, everything was rich, there were snacks and lots of comforts. I pass the occupied seats and sit down in the last one in the back. I could finally breathe easier, the silence that came when everyone was sitting in their seats, opening snack bags or not, finally made me relax. I look outside, Mads' jet is a few meters away, and suddenly, for some reason, I know he's looking outside, too.

I pick up the note and open it, the handwriting even sloppier than before.

*"I won't forget this."*

What did he mean? Was it good or bad? Would he punish me?

I swallowed and put the paper down, unable to throw it away. At that moment, his note was all I would allow myself to have from him for the time being.