Chapter 24

Alexis:

My heart never ached this bad. My chest was heavy and at times it felt like I forgot how to breath and every bone in my body felt like they were about to break. I missed Aubrey so much.

My father came home about an hour or so after Michelle took Aubrey to the airport. He asked me to meet him in the living room to talk.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Alex. Not because you messed with your soon-to-be stepsister but because it was the ultimate slap in my face." He finally let out. I couldn't even look my father in the eyes. The tone of his voice expressed a hint of hostility and I knew not to make direct contact with him when he was upset.

"I understand your lifestyle, and I've always accepted you for who you are. When you-know-who left us, I still supported us both. I worked harder and completely upgraded our lives. And you do this to me?" he asked, raising his voice a little. "Nothing to say?" he inquired.

He scoffed and continued talking. "Michelle wanted me to send you away too—" I cut my father off.

"Dad, all you care about is women. Everything you buy me doesn't matter to me! You don't even spend time with me anymore. When mom was here, you always took me to the gym to play ball with you and your friends, we went to the amusement park twice a month, and spent every Sunday morning at IHOP. Mom left when I was nine years old. And after that, all you did was work and go out on dates. Instead of seeing you when I woke up for school, I saw a stack of twenties on the kitchen table." I yelled.

"That isn't true, Alexis. I was there for you as much as I could be." My father claimed. "No, you weren't. And you know you weren't. The only time you were home was when you were married and whoever your wife was at the time, was living here and you were waiting on her hand and foot. I got sent to my room every time you two wanted to watch tv in the living room or were in some part of the house that you two wanted to yourselves. Either that or you were too busy wining and dining them in some other part of the world." I vocalized.

He hung his head down low.

"So for you to say that you were going to 'send me away,' it wouldn't really matter, Dad. It feels like we're always apart anyways." A few tears escaped my eyes but by the time my father had made an effort to look up at me, I was already at the top of the staircase, headed to my bedroom.

For the next hour, I locked myself in my room and listened to SZA on full volume through my headphones. I was lying flat on my stomach, scrolling down Tumblr. My feelings were all over the place. I was hurt by Aubrey's absence, Michelle ripping us apart, being called a sinner, and what my father was implying. Did he really not know me? Was he really blaming me for this new "gap" between him and Michelle?

Suddenly, my door slowly opened and I sat instantly sat up on my bed. My father peeked into my room and looked around before finally making contact with me. I paused my music and removed my headphones.

"Yes?" I spoke. My father closed the door behind him and took a seat on the edge of my bed. He didn't say anything, he just stared at me long and hard. His pupils wiggled a little like he was searching for something in my face. Better yet, he was searching for someone.

My father quickly looked away and cleared his throat. "You look so much like her." He chuckled, nervously. "Mom? I don't know why it's so hard for you to say her name." I answered. "Whenever I do, it brings back so many emotions. So many memories. The good and the bad." He replied. I sat there silently.

"I miss Alexandria so much. I haven't found another woman like her in years. No matter how hard I try. It's just too hard trying to replace her." He let out.

Alexandria Morris-Fields.

It was hard not having a mother in my life, but I knew it was harder on my father. "When she left me, I thought my life was over. Women are so crucial to a household especially when it comes to raising a family. She knew how to do everything right. Changing your diaper, the right skin products for you, how to do your hair, cook, clean, the laundry." He said.

"It never occurred to me that maybe your mother wanted more out of life than to just be a housewife. Before she left, she said she wanted to go to medical school since you had turned five. I heard her but I never listened. I'd say, "Okay, okay, right after things calm down at work." But they never did. Four years later, she got fed up and went to pursue her dreams."

I had never known that. My father always told me that she ran off with another man.

"My mistake was not catering more to her needs. I should have helped her get back into school and listened to what she needed from me." He shrugged.

"I want to apologize for ignoring you all these years sweetheart. I'm going to change before things get worse. I love you." My father pulled me into a warm hug. Of course, I cried like a little girl onto his shoulders. "And I apologize for messing up your relationship with Michelle." I responded.

"Michelle and I are okay. With Aubrey in a better place, Michelle is much more at peace with herself. The wedding is still on and it's in three months." My father declared. He let go of me and kissed my forehead.

They're still getting married?