When we got to my apartment, I was still sore, I looked at myself in the living room mirror and my face was so white I looked like a ghost. My hands were freezing, and I was sweating cold. I was plunged in a terrible fear, and agony of having that man so close to me and at the same time so far away. What's going on with me?
- Lauren you need to go to a police station, you need to inform the police about what is happening, you can't just let it go... Lauren! Fuck Lauren are you listening to me?
Amelia was in distress, screaming, I heard everything she said but my mind was displaced from the situation so I heard her sounding so low in my mind that she screamed out of sheer desperation and curiosity.
- Lauren!
- Oh I'm sorry, that's all I'm thinking... I... I don't know what to do!
- You go to your boss and say that you are not going to go up that hill, do you understand? And nowhere they might be thinking of sending you! This is serious Lauren!
- I know it's serious, now you want to stop screaming in my ear... And get us something to drink from the fridge!
She obeyed, the situation was urgent, she took the bottle of vodka and poured us two glasses, I drank it all at once without even stopping to breathe. When I finished I made a terrible face. I got up trying not to stare at Amelia's face, she looked glazed and I hated when she looked like that. Trying to decipher things, connecting dots, would make a good journalist.
- Lauren, what are you doing on the porch? You're going to get shot there.
I sat on the balcony of my apartment waiting to see him, did he walk me home? Was I that important? I wanted that, I wanted that feeling I felt inside me...
- Lauren, my friend... Don't go that way, please. - Amelia said sitting next to me.
- What are you talking about? I'm just getting some air! - I blatantly lied, but have you ever tried to lie to someone who knows you deeply? It just doesn't work, you get frozen and totally distorted expressions, you don't know whether to laugh or cry, or if you face the person so they can make it clear that they know you're lying! - Look, I...
I didn't even know what to say, I sipped my wine trying to look straight ahead and never meet Amelia's eyes. It would be like a full interrogation.
- You're hooked on that bad guy, that's it, isn't it? My goodness in heaven how can you be so stupid like that, normally I support all your antics but this time I won't do it Lauren! He's dangerous, as you know, the guy is after you like a fly in the ointment, you don't want to report it, and on top of that you fall in love with the bandit? A thug's place is in jail! - She said being tough as always, well, it was her sermon.
- Amelia, who said I'm in love with someone? Wow, hell! I'm just curious that this guy keeps ordering me around, puts his fucking coat on, goes inside, doesn't come out, doesn't drink that much! I don't know, I just wonder if he is...
- Completely out of your mind? - She said smiling.
And I hadn't even told her about the incident the night before, I hadn't told her that I got out too drunk to remember anything clearly and I ran across the street, I didn't tell her that I thought it was a dream, I didn't tell her that he possibly came in from my house, who messed with my things. Stole something for him maybe? Although he didn't seem to lack for anything, nor did he look like a drug dealer, the kind we follow in movies and literature, he looked like an ordinary businessman. You'd think he was a stock market investor if you bumped into him in the middle of the street, or whatever, a completely hot and handsome tax auditor. But no, the bastard had to be a criminal, and to make matters worse, he had to be a sociopath. Or is he a psychopath? Oh I don't know, the difference doesn't seem so clear to me now.
Amélia and I drank a whole bottle of Vodka, she threw herself on my bed without telling me that she would, but that's okay, I preferred that she stay right there. At least I would know that she is completely safe by my side. I didn't lie down next to her, by God, she snored like a pig at the slaughter, maybe that's why she never gets involved seriously with anyone, she must be afraid to scare the man away with all that noise. Who can handle it?
Got blankets from my room, snuggled up on my couch, put Kepping Up with The Kardashians on, poured myself a glass of wine to sleep high, if I had done it from the start I wouldn't have gone through what I went through, if well, I wouldn't have felt the touch of his hands on me either.
I don't know what was worse about that situation.
My cell phone rang countless times, unknown number, unknown number, I declined a few times, but it was so insistently annoying that between one line and another from Khloe K. I answered the fucking call! In the best part of reality? Whoever he was, he was one hell of an asshole!
- Who is talking? - I answered angrily, the only thing I heard was breathing in the background, and nothing else.
- Who's talking? - I asked again, breathing still in the background, who was it? And that time?! - If you're calling to make a joke stop! Not the slightest bit funny!
- It's not funny at all. -He finally answered me, his thick voice sounded like music to my ears, my feelings were confused, where had he gotten my damn number? And as much as I felt completely invaded... I wanted to know the reason for the call. So I got over my initial fear and stayed on the line, listening to his breathing.
I finally broke the silence with a question... - What do you want? - The tone sounded low, the anger was not present.
- Anything. - replied glacially.
- All right, I'll hang up. - I said that phrase totally frustrated, I really expected him to say something.
- Wait... - The tone sounded desperate, then lowered again - Don't hang up, I just want to hear your voice.
- But what do you want it for? - I said confused, what did this man want from me? What did he expect me to do with that?
- I just want to hear your voice. Then stay on the line.
- If you don't say something, I can't talk, and then there's no voice to hear. Hard to hold a conversation like that - I was sassy, but so what? I was already marked for death anyway, so fuck it! At least I would know what was going on with that man.
- Go out on the balcony again, I saw you leaving a lot of times since you arrived at the apartment, did you expect to see me? - He was watching my steps, he saw me staring at the damn tree in front of my building, he knew everything, he had already gotten me. At least that's how I see it, I've always been too obvious. Maybe that's why I bored my ex-fiancé to the point where he left.
- I don't know if I want to go out... You know it's cold. - Pretending I wasn't desperate to see him across the street was even worse.
- No problem, I can see you anyway. You are wearing a pink nightgown, you have placed white slippers next to the sofa, your hair is down, you are on the sofa now with a black blanket, watching something on television and having a glass of white wine. Now you just run your hand through your hair, there must be some delay because only now you put your hand over your mouth because you're surprised... - He was watching me, I looked around me to see if I could find the camera he had planted in my goddamn house, but I found absolutely nothing.
- What do you intend with that? Where did you hide the camera? For God's sake, what do you want from me? That's a crime, I'm going to call the police.
- No, you're not going to call the police, I know you won't.
- Where is the camera?
- I'm not going to tell you obviously... Oh, don't even think about leaving the house and going to live with your bitch friend, do you understand? And don't even think about telling this to anyone, it's our secret.
- If you can see everything there, why did you call me? What's the point? Make me scared?
- Because the cameras give me pictures of you, but it doesn't transmit sound. And like I said, I wanted to hear his voice.
- You're sick! Won't you leave me alone?
He chuckled, I felt like a complete idiot.
- Oh Lauren, you don't control anything from now on... Like I said, I can't go on with my life since I saw you in that filthy newspaper! By the way, aren't you going to thank me for the new job? - My body froze, I got up from the couch now with the certainty that he was facing my despair and surprise.
- It was you then, you're setting me up, you're setting me up there.
- I'm a man of my word, I gave you rules, but of course if I can influence something, I don't care. Well, go to sleep now Lauren. You have a day full of decisions to make tomorrow.
Was it a setup from the beginning, had I bought the magazine where I went to work too? Did it all belong to that damn sociopath? Was I a television experiment for him?
I wasn't going to let it go, even if it cost my fucking life.
This fixation was going to end!
And if he wanted to see me, or tell me something it was in person!
And he would come, it was obvious he wasn't afraid to make me look like a fool in front of him.