When I left to face my family again I was without courage, the thousands of questions they would ask about that lie... I couldn't even deal with that at that moment, after all he threatened me again.
- Lauren my daughter, all right? Where's your boyfriend? - I told my mother that now she had recovered her tongue to address me some more affectionate word. It was typical of her.
- He had a work meeting, so he had to go - I lied blatantly, I couldn't just think of an excuse a little less cliché than that one.
- And what does he do Lauren? Any journalists too? - My dad was looking at me with that judgmental look he always had, but this time he had some kind of weird curiosity.
- He owns... a corporation... I don't know, operates the stock exchange, I don't know what he actually does. - I couldn't say that he sold tons of drugs and transported them to other countries, could I? My lie came out too crooked.
- Ah yes, finally someone with a profession to give you direction. - He said that and rolled his head and look in disapproval. That was not possible, machismo was real, and it came incarnated in the body of a sixty-two year old man. And that was my father!
It went down like a knife down my throat, but I ignored it, it wasn't my father's day, it wasn't a day to pay attention to him! It was my sister Giovanna's day! And he wouldn't screw it up, I wouldn't let him pull me out of it.
When my brother-in-law finally came out of that room with my niece in his arms, it was a strange feeling for me, it was something like intense joy, emotion and much, much fear. I was sure at that moment that motherhood was not for me.
But Manuela was really beautiful! It looked too much like my sister, luckily for her. I don't know if I became an owl, but I couldn't find my niece with a face on her knees. My parents were delighted, they also charged a grandson from my brother, who just smiled with a sly face, and I felt that there was something in the air. But I didn't say anything, my sister-in-law was also deeply embarrassed by my parents' insistence, and I was forgotten for a few minutes, thank God.
I walked in to see my sister, who was looking glorious, smiling. I wouldn't imagine her different even for a second, she was always this angelic angel, and her motherhood only made her even more beautiful. I gave her a kiss on the forehead, and she said she was proud. And I really was, it took a lot of courage even to spit a child out of her vagina, I imagine that must be one of the most terrible, insane and wonderful moments in a woman's life.
But I passed.
Small talk ensued for a while, but she was tired, I could tell, and I still had a lot to do, I received frantic emails on my cell phone, one after another, and answered between tea and another. I knew that if I left that circus I would be slaughtered at every family party from there until I died.
- Did your sister tell you she's dating? A handsome, tall, athletic man... He came here earlier, but he can't stay. - My mother, the radio boss of my life, why was she telling all that? What did it have to do with the damn context? What the hell!
- Serious? - Giovanna replied too interested - And you don't even care to tell?
I smile a little yellow smile you know? Why on earth would I call someone I've never called before? I don't know, babies bring families together like that? Do they suddenly forget that they were selfish, asshole jerks to you?
- I didn't care because it's not serious yet... - I said trying to lie without letting it show, I had inherited my father's rotten genetics, making a face of shit at everything and showing my face and my dissatisfaction. But I disguised it, I did the best I could.
- It didn't seem to be anything serious, Miss Lauren? Me, a prank like that... I just needed you to dismiss it, like you did with David.
By then it was too much, my mother had crossed any and all limits, and I couldn't take any of that in silence.
- I didn't dismiss David, he put a horn on my head, and I was forced to move on with my life. - When I talked about getting on with life I couldn't help but smile, I thought of Vicenzo and how he always said that from the moment he saw me I kind of... fucked his life up.
- He just committed a small indiscretion, nothing that forgiveness and some prayers in the church would not resolve Lauren. - How could anyone live their life denying so much? My mother was like that, the submissive wife of the aggressive guy, who chopped up gifts she got from her friends because she didn't want to arouse his hatred, who lived her life inside that square she called home, cooking some soup or washing underwear. Nothing against you know? Each one gnaws the bone they choose, and I was already gnawing mine.
- Lauren my daughter, you need to stop being so intransigent, men don't like any of that! And they're just like that, a little affair here and another one there and that's okay, then they go back home... - Had he admitted that my mother was a cuckold too? Nobody was going to say anything?
Pedro interrupted the conversation, having perhaps the most decent attitude I've ever seen him have.
- Leave Lauren alone, that guy was an imbecile! If she broke up with him it's because she had reasons, God forbid living in a failed marriage to keep some kind of appearance for others... - That sounded too personal, and when my sister-in-law lowered her head everyone was sure that indeed ... IT WAS.
- Well, I'll be going now. Giovanna needs to rest and we're having fun here in her room, congratulations my sister... Manu is really beautiful! - I did not congratulate the husband, and I think he did not even notice. She's a pain in the ass.
I didn't kiss anyone but Giovanna, and when I left the room I just gave my brother a warm look, he knew what it meant... I just wanted to be intimate enough to ask what was going on with him!
My cell phone was full of messages, Amélia bombarded me with some things that I didn't care about, the messages I missed from Vicenzo were all in that authoritarian tone that he insisted on having with me, I ignored it too. I sat on the bench in front of the hospital waiting for an uber, and meanwhile I decided to answer some emails. My cell phone rang and it was Amelia.
- Hi friend, I heard you became an aunt...- It started
- Yes, she was born... And she's beautiful!
- He took after his sister then, thank God! So what are you going to do?
- Catch up on work, maybe have a coffee. I'm going to stop at some coffee shop, I don't want to work from home, and I'm not going back to the magazine today.
- All right, I don't want to disturb you, see what I sent you earlier?
-Yes, I saw it, my God... - I hadn't seen it, but I think "I don't think I know" and "My God" are the perfect expressions to run away from anything around you.
- You didn't see it, you unhappy girl? - But to my misfortune, Amelia knew my trick.
- Sorry! But look, I promise I'll see you later.
- Ok, I'll call you later too, I love you!
- I love you more!
I hung up and finally got in the car, stopped at any cafe close to my house, enough to walk back later without problems, sat down at a table and ordered a hot chocolate, coffee at that time would give me a bloody heartburn! I worked and the flow was amazing, I didn't have an asshole boss, or cameras on my tail. It was just me, my notebook and my subject. As I wrote I couldn't stop thinking about Vicenzo's threat, I wanted to understand what it actually meant.
When I finally saw that it was getting dark I decided it was time to go back to my house, my golden prison, like big brother, only low income.
I walked down the street carefree, but not so much, but I was never adept at the mania of persecution, and it seemed safe to be there. I stopped for two minutes to take a call, and that's when I felt his warm hand against me again, and after that nothing else.
I deleted.
When I finally woke up I was in a white room, too beautiful to be true, everything sounded clean and organized. But even so I got up scared, where were my things? I tried to leave the room and it didn't work, I tried to kick the door, understand where I was and it didn't work either. I saw that it was still night, the windows were sealed and betrayed the flow of cars in the city. It was his thing, I wasn't sly to the point of finding it all normal.
Was it the promise you made to me maybe? Was that it? Would keep me locked up like a b-movie? My God, I thought that only happened in bad movies.
When the door finally opened, he entered the room, locked it again, and slipped the key into his suit pocket. It took a few seconds before he finally turned to me, his flaming gaze devouring me whole before he snapped:
- It's Lauren Bernessi, now let's talk! - The tone gave me goosebumps, his appearance confused me... And it was a lot to live in one day.