“Okay, but it doesn’t make sense,” I said, throwing my hands into the air. Lochlynn and I faced off across the bed from each other. We had been arguing over this for the last thirty minutes, and it had gotten us nowhere so far. “I appreciate that you want me to be comfortable, but this is your bed, in your room, filled with your things. We can’t bring another bed in without getting rid of some of your stuff, and I’m fine on the couch. My things can stay in boxes.”
“No,” Lochlynn said, shaking his head. “We have no idea how long you will be living here, and living out of boxes would get old, fast. Not only for you, but for me. I’ve tripped over those things six times since they were brought up.”
“Then we’ll move them out,” I said.
“No,” Lochlynn repeated. “I have plenty of room for you to put your things wherever you want. You can have them out in the living room, you can put them in here, you can even spread out more, if you want. As for the bed, I’m not suggesting that I always take the couch. I’m saying that we switch off, to make sure that you’re comfortable some of the time, and I’m comfortable some of the time.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, until the time to actually switch comes. I bet you wouldn’t.”
“Believe me, I would. Sleeping on the couch is pretty terrible when you’re as big as me.”
That just made me want to look at him again, running my eyes across his body. I resisted the urge, and took another, deeper breath. “Fine, then let’s share the bed. I know you won’t make it weird or awkward, and I promise that I’ll try my hardest to do the same.” I put my hand up, pledging to the promise. “But I think we both know the likelihood of me failing that horribly.”
Lochlynn sighed and flopped down on the bed. “I can live with that. If you make it awkward, I can live with that, too.”
“Good, because you know that I always make situations worse.” I got into the bed as well, lying on my back and looking up at the ceiling.
I hoped that Lochlynn would let the rest of our conversation go, but I really should have known better. He looked over at me, an eyebrow raised. “As for your things, you can either take them out of the boxes, or I will.”
“Why are you being so stubborn about this?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” Lochlynn said. “You would rather have every single thing you own trapped in a box, than to encroach on my space? That doesn’t make sense. I’ve got plenty of space in my closet and in my dresser. You should put your clothes in there. All your other stuff can be put up, too. It’ll be fine. I’ve barely got anything in my room anyway.”
“But I don’t want to,” I said.
“Why not?” Lochlynn asked.
The argument had been going on so long, I just blurted out the answer like a moron. “Because you didn’t want me here. You are forced to live with me.” The second the words left my mouth, my entire face heated up, and I wanted to cover it with my hands.
Lochlynn rolled onto his side, so that he could stare down at me. “Is that really what’s been worrying you?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Your father didn’t give us much of a choice in the matter. We’re barely even dating, and we have to live together? That sounds like it could go wrong, very fast. I don’t want to make it worse by taking over your entire space. I’m sure Yesterday would be willing to store some of my things in her room, you know.”
Lochlynn smirked, shaking his head. “I’m sure that’s true, but no. Yes, this isn’t the situation that either of us wanted, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”
“Doesn’t it?” I asked.
His eyes went clouded for a moment before becoming normal again. “No, it doesn’t. I’ve lived with my father my entire life. I’m used to things not going the way I want them to, believe it or not. He doesn’t like other people making plans, and everything that’s happened thus far? That’s about par with him.”
“That sounds terrible. He is terrible.”
“Yes,” Lochlynn agreed. “I’m used to adjusting to things on the fly. Even if I wasn’t, having you here isn’t a bad thing. I’m happier with you around. At least when my father does something terrible, as you would say, you know about it. That’s better than what I had before.”
My heart twisted. “But you didn’t want me here.”
He brushed his hand across my cheek. “What do you think would’ve happened if Dad had sent you back to your apartment. With the two of us, I mean.”
I thought about it for a few seconds. Until that moment, I hadn’t bothered with the what ifs. “Well…I guess we would talk almost every day, probably on the phone. Whenever I called you, I’d have to hide out in my room, with the door closed so that Linda didn’t choose to creep me right the fuck out. She’s been getting worse, too. I’m almost at the point where I want to hide from her whenever she walks into a room.”
Lochlynn snorted, rubbing his eyes. “You have no idea. She keeps putting her hand on my shoulder and smiling at me while batting her eyes. I’d like to think she’s not trying to flirt with me, but…”
“She is,” I said, trying not to gag. “She totally is. Anyway. And I guess we’d see each other whenever we could. I have school, but you’re free from all of that, so you would probably show up at the apartment.”
“Every single day,” Lochlynn agreed. “It would concern you.”
I smiled. “So, I guess we’d spent a lot of time together. That’s not the same as living together, though.”
“No,” Lochlynn agreed. “But we’ll still be spending a lot of time together, I’m okay with that.”
I sighed, glancing over at him. I almost felt small, with him hovering over me the way that he did. “I’m being kind of crazy, aren’t I?”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Lochlynn answered. “You were forced into a situation that made you uncomfortable, and you’re doing your best to feel comfortable with it. That’s all right. You do whatever you need.”
“I’m not uncomfortable at the thought of sharing these rooms,” I said. “I’ve already been doing that for over a week.”
“Yes,” Lochlynn said. “That doesn’t mean you are comfortable with what my father has done.”
“It’s scary,” I admitted. “All my friends are in this house, and if your father wants to make my life harder, then all he has to do is hurt them. It would be my fault. He’s already pushed me into a corner once, and I’ll have to tell Derrick about that eventually. He keeps asking, but…Derrick looks so broken. I don’t want to make it worse by telling him that I…”
“You didn’t kill her. I did.”
“You wouldn’t have touched that woman if you didn’t know how badly I wanted my friend back,” I said, looking at Lochlynn. “You wouldn’t have done a damn thing if not for me.”
“That doesn’t change whose hands actually have blood on them,” he said, his face shutting down again. He’d been doing that less around me, but I understood why he couldn’t help it. A lifetime of instinct could be hard to combat.
I breathed deeply, ignoring the hitch in my chest. “It feels like I ruined all their lives by trying to save one.”
“Do they feel that way?” Lochlynn asked.
“No,” I admitted. “Seanan told me that she was actually happy this happened. It gave her perspective on her parents, or something like that. I don’t know what to think about it, honestly. It sounds like she’s trying to convince herself that this is for the best. Seamus is just as angry as she is.”
“I’m not sure if this will help, but I’m not sure their parents had much of a choice,” Lochlynn said. “The Nashes work for Blackwell Industries, and if they wanted to keep their lifestyle, then yeah, they’d have to give up their children. I know that it sounds harsh, to choose things over children, but…”
“It is harsh, but people do it,” I said, shaking my head. “I can’t imagine what that they feel like.”
Lochlynn brushed his hand against my hair. “They don’t blame you for, it though. And Derrick is angry that you put yourself in danger for him, but I’ve seen him trying to make it up to you. He’s so grateful to be away from all the torment. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I breathed out, looking up at him. “You’re right,” I said, rolling so that I could face him as well. “I know that you’re right.”
He brushed his hand down my hair. “So, we can take your things out of their boxes?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Good.”
He kissed my forehead, and I leaned into the kiss. I set my head down on the pillow, watching as Lochlynn pulled the covers over the both of us. It didn’t feel weird, like I thought that it would.
“Can you do me a favor?” I asked.
“Anything.”
“Tell me that it’ll be all right again,” I said.
Lochlynn looked over at me, his eyes open and honest. “Everything is going to be all right. You’ve got your entire family in this house, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure they don’t get hurt. You and I, we will make sure that everything will turn out all right.”
I smiled. “I like when you say it.”
“Why?”
“Because it sounds true,” I told him.
Lochlynn smiled at me, the smallest expression that didn’t have that bitter twist to it. He turned out his light, and rolled onto his side, so that he could put an arm around my middle. Warmth already started to creep through the covers, wrapping us up. “That’s because it is true.”
I believed it, too. I believed him. We would make everything all right. No matter what it took.