Chapter 38 IT'S MY FIRST TIME.
38.
~KIMBERLY~
I run behind Rafael raggedly to the car, trying to match his long strides while trying to conjure the words I'm going to say that won't make him feel like I betrayed him already.
Today is probably a rough day for him already, with how he was on a call this morning, yelling at someone on the call while his body crashes with anxiety that fails to slip away under my scrutinizing eyes, and down to this.
"Rafael,I..."
"Fuck you, Kimberly..fuck you. He growls, entering the car without sparing me a glance.
Discarding every bit of shame left in me, I rush to the other side of the car and quickly slip in before he can lock the door.
His eyes are steely and burns with fury as Dylan drives out of the school area.
"I was just trying to..."
"You don't have to tell me any bullshit that will only aggravate this further, I don't want to hear your excuses." He cut me off sharply.
Throughout the rest of the ride home, Nervousness clenches my stomach, the fear of losing his friendship again, the fear of losing the opportunity to make small talks and banter with Rafael over dinner, the fear of losing the kisses, making out and how he makes me feel like I'm the only thing that mattered seems too scary to think off.
By the time we both walk into the building, his breathing becomes labored but he's still not sparing me a glance as his hands streaks into his curls, pulling them in frustration.
I don't know what to do, or how to make him feel better, because that was all I tried to do with Jimmy earlier, but he misunderstood us, and now, he's not giving me a chance to explain myself.
He shreds the suit off his body and tie as well, fear courses through me, hoping he won't slip off like he did the last time when I had to take him upstairs.
It would be too much for him to handle, he barely survived the last one.
God, how did I fail to notice how wrecked this man was. I was so stupid, so stupid and useless, because Rafael considered and watched me keenly all the time, how he would take notes of my favorite snacks and stacked it up without me asking, or him cancelling the dinners because of me.
And now, I hurt him already.
"Rafael,I..."
"It was right here when I warned you that no other man gets to have you, and if they did..."
"You will have to show me how a real marriage works." I complete his sentence but shake my head in disapproval of his assumptions.
Because I didn't let any other man have me, Jimmy would never have me or any other person, not after how he treated me with care and attention last night.
"I swear to God, Rafael I didn't do anything with him." I sob, shaking my head while I walk closer to him.
With a hard stare knocking at me with his eyes. He starts pulling off his shirt."Take off your clothes, Kimberly." He orders, his sharp cutting voice slices through the room.
My head echoes at his strange and sudden order. I should take off my clothes? For what? Is he going to...
No, he can't do this right now, he can't handle it. He can't...
"Kimberly." He repeated, his shirt is already discarded on the floor and his hands are already working on his briefs.
"Rafael, you will regret..."
"The only regret I had was not fucking the hell out of your brains out last night before this moment."
"Jimmy didn't..."
"I'm sure you don't want me to rip it off." He slips in, kicking the trouser of his legs.
For a moment, I stay there, not believing this is happening right now, Rafael wanting to sleep with me while his head is still ringing from the betrayal with Norman,and with me again.
It's not that I don't want to sleep with him, but the apprehension in his eyes, as if he's doing this to avoid thinking about anything else.
After seeing that I'm not budging to his orders.
He grabs my waist and hauls me to the couch, placing my hand on the back rest while his hands work on my skirt.
I stifle a sob, remembering how painful it was for me when he slid a finger into me yesterday, not to talk of the bulging length of his cock which is about to be buried into me.
"It took me everything in me to call you earlier, and you fucking..." His voice trails off, emotions laden in his tone,I shut my eyes as his hands work on my pants after he successfully pushes my skirt off, tearing the fabric forcefully.
"It wasn't like that, I swear....I would never do...."
The rearing fat head of his cock teasing my entrance shreds every word left in my mouth.
"Arch your back well for me." His booming voice wafts through the air again as he taps on the small of my back, without a protest, I arch my waist as much as I can.
I've read somewhere that doing that will ease the pain better and allow for a smooth penetration.
I clench around him tightly, scared of the dreadful moment.
Rafael grunts gruffly as he pushes my head into the couch, confining me.
He rears my legs back with his and pushes up into me immediately, breaking through the sensitive folds.
"Argh!!!" A pained yelp punches out of my throat as he forcefully thrusts into me. He's so big, too big for me.
Oh,God! It hurts so bad, it hurts like hell. I dig my hand into the couch while his hand is still pressing my head, the other digging into my waist, he slips out again and teases the entrance again.
"Rafael,I..."
The word cuts right off my mouth again as he pushes in, more deeply this time around that I feel his soft balls hanging at my entrance.
"You feel so fucking good, Kimberly Sloane." He rasps out, his voice husky and wet as his hips jerks closer to me with his aimed and powerful thrusts.
Rafael pistons into me with determination as if he's searching for something hidden in me, aimed to unravel it with his huge organ causing me searing pains.
He let go of my head and squeezes my boobs through my top, my legs quakes terribly at the hot sensation in between my legs.
Suddenly, the hymen cut, severing the barrier from getting in more deeper into me as he wanted.
My splotched pussy oozes out blood, I quickly move my hand clumsily to where we are joined as he denies me the privilege of looking at him and rubbing on the flesh, trying to ease the pain.
My legs are already shaking but it's as if they excite the hell out of him, shortly, Rafael freezes inside me and a guttural moan croaks out of his throat.
"Kim." He calls, his tone lagged as his hand trails to where my hand is, I feel something trickles on the floor at intervals, he's still buried deep inside me, tearing me apart and not ready to pull out yet, I feel his long length thicken more in me and I whimper a little bit.
I shut my eyes in pain, not wanting to think about it, my husband hoisting me against a chair and fucking the hell out of me even though it's my first time.
"It's okay." I mumble, because it really is. I fucked up, I shouldn't have lied to him.