Chapter 24 LET US LIVE AS HOUSEMATES.
24.
~KIMBERLY~
"No, it's totally fine, I was just a little overwhelmed then, that's why I lashed out at you, I'm genuinely sorry." I blabber, gesturing with my hands unintentionally.
Fuck, why am I so nervous around this man, It wasn't this bad until he set us straight in the hospital that we're clearly not in a good place enough for us to talk and chit chat.
"We're all good then." He presses his lips together and hands me one of the brushes, carefully, I dip it into a paint bucket,after making sure I scoop enough paint in the brush, I smear it on the white board immediately and without saying a word, Rafael hands me another brush, repeating the same process, I start mixing the colors together on the white board but it's a bit dark and eerie.
"Do you like it?" I ask, glancing at him briefly but Rafael's eyes are on my body, especially my ass which is up straight in the air while I bend a little towards the board.
Shit, what the fuck was I thinking?
He squints his eyes tiredly and rubs them before shaking his head.
"Fuck no." He growls, his voice more husky.
"I don't like it too, let's try out another one."
"Sure." Rafael shrugs, facing the board squarely, as if he's doing everything to get my ass out of his sight.
"You know you can actually go to sleep? I mean... tomorrow is a long day."
"It's a long day for you too." He answers simply, folding his arms.
"Huh?"
"You're resuming tomorrow,Kim."
The confused expression on my face dissolves immediately, totally thrown off about his reply.
He remembers that I'm resuming tomorrow?
Wow.
Clearing my throat uneasily, I focus on mixing the second round of colors on the board, silence ensues in the room again till he starts talking.
"Baxter sued me to court for what I did to Dad's company." Rafael explains again, surprisingly, his voice is as leveled as ever and there's no hint of faking it.
Is he okay with going to that length with his brother or he's just learned to live with it? Because to be honest, they never lived like siblings, I'm sure they don't even have each other's phone number.
"Do you think you can win? I mean..."
"It's not about winning, Kimberly, it's about the impact this will make about our relationship and it fucking riles me up." He scoffs, I turn to him again, but Rafael lowers his head that I can't grasp whatever he's thinking through his face.
"I know I'm not the best when it comes to having a good relationship with your siblings because i never had one but I witnessed some of the things that went down between you guys, maybe he's just doing this to get closer to you?"
He gawks at me ridiculously at my words and propels his hand forward, shaking his head.
"Then he's a fucking weakling for doing it that way, I had to handle things on my own because of his incompetence." Rafael's jaw tightens at his words and I feel him gulping down nothing.
Gosh, this is getting more intense than I thought and he will probably scurry off very soon which I don't like. Maybe it's nice for him to talk about this once in a while.
"I buried our mother alone, I was barely eighteen then, exhausted because of what we went through before she died, and Baxter didn't even come for the funeral"
"Did your Dad come?"
He chuckles mirthlessly and shakes his head."Barely, he was grumpy all through and blamed me for everything that happened, it wasn't my fucking fault." Rafael rasps out in a harsh tone, his voice heightening a bit, his eyebrows are arched in a hard frown.
This man has so many things bottled up and he's doing a perfect job in holding them in which is detrimental to him.
"Rafael." I call, dragging my hand up from his waist to his left side of his broad back, up to his shoulders slowly.
I feel him tense at my touch immediately, I want to remove my hand as this is probably a bad idea but he leans towards me a bit, sighing continuously.
Rubbing on his shoulder, I lean into him a bit until every part of my hand was resting on him.
"You know I don't regret what I did?" I blurt, Rafael turns his head sideways at me and laughs, his laughter a little bit organic and deep.
"I still resent you for not beating me to it, heck, Frederick was such an asshole."
"A terrible one at that, he made Cora's life hell, I just hope that she gets over it."
"She's worried about you too."
"I think I'm doing a better job at handling it than her."
Rafael exhales loudly and peeks at me above his shoulders again."You're doing a terrible job, Kimberly."
My stomach starts to twist immediately and I feel a dull ache in my chest because I'm so full of shit, I'm not handling it well, it's just too much to take in.
I can't believe how fast my life has turned around, and how lonely this new life of mine gets. It's so hard to live without Cora around me.
I dread the throbbing silence that comes after every voice and video call with Cora, It's always so terrifying that I do wish my head starts making some noise so I can disregard the fear.
Is this how I'm going to continue living? Does it get better at all?
"Kim..." Rafael trails, staring at me intently with a frown on his face, as if he's worried about my sudden dampening mood.
"I know this is going to be a big ask after everything you've done for me and for the record, I truly appreciate everything, I can't stop overemphasizing how..."
"Kim." Rafael shuts me up with a low hiss and taps on his forehead tentatively.
"I'm sorry but I just need to let it all out, fuck...I..."
"You're panicking."
"Because I'm fucking scared." I heave in tears, letting all the liquid flow down my eyes.
Slowly, Rafael grabs my hand and drags me closer to himself, I'm now sitting closely beside him, probably sharing the same air with him and it just gets more fucking tense.
"Scared of what?" He asks in a very soft tone, debriding every hint of coldness, I squint my eyes, suddenly feeling a pang of headache.
"I'm scared of people finding out about the deal, I'm scared of you realizing that there's no use in keeping me around again which automatically means I'm going back to Jail."
He shakes his head immediately and locks his eyes with me."I need you to take this jail thing off your mind, I won't let it happen, okay?" He presses in a serious tone and bore his eyes deeper into me.
"What if you change?"
"What if I stopped being useful to you?"
"What if you get tired of seeing my face and you're suddenly tormented by the death of your father because of me?"
I want to ask him all these questions but I'm just probably going to fumble and let myself get vulnerable with him knowing that he will snap at me tomorrow again, or every other day so it's probably useless.
"Okay." I finally mumble and smile at him in my usual practiced smile, the one I offer when I no longer know what to feel.
"Can we please start talking....I mean, not like friends but maybe as housemates? We have to be used to having casual conversations with each other for people not to suspect us."
Rafael sucks in his lower lips for a while and gives me a nod.
"Sure, Kimberly."