Chapter 18 LOVE YOURSELF MORE.
18.
~KIMBERLY~
My whole body hurts and everything seems to become a blur, Rafael left a few hours ago and my pains haven't gotten any better.
Fuck, I hate how I'm feeling right now, I just wanted to catch up with Cora before she takes the first flight to San Marcos tomorrow and everything became messy. Gosh, maybe we're better off living under Frederick, I hate how upturned my life is right now.
And what I hate more is how I acted with Rafael earlier, why did I apologize? Maybe it's better if we go back to the normal subordinate–Boss relationship we had, he calls the shot just like he said.
"Shit, are you okay?" Cora exclaims, walking into the room, some of the nurses are behind her, packing her essentials so she can occupy the bed beside me.
The VVIP ward is very spacious and can accommodate more than five patients at a time but Rafael booked it for us only.
I chuckle, because it's rare to see Cora curse, she's always curt and warm depending on the situation.
Nodding, I wag my hands at her, she quickly collects it and sits beside me.
"It fucking hurts." I sob, heaving out tears and a shallow cough erupts from my mouth.
God, why am I getting so emotional over a broken rib? My life isn't even over–yet.
"I'm sorry, I...I shouldn't have let you drive the car, what was I even thinking?" Cora bites her lips in regret and blinks away tears.
"No...Not that..."I shake my head immediately and grip her elbow tightly." I mean, everything with...Rafael. I'm such a pathetic woman, I don't think I can ever blend,I..."
"Did he blame you about the crashed car? I already sent him a text that I will take the responsibility,it was my fault, You don't..."
"Geez, Cora, you're fucking killing me." I huff out a laugh, genuinely grateful that there's a comic relief in my clusterfuck life.
"Kim..."
"He didn't care about the car although it's over $400,000 so I don't think I can get used to people sacrificing to that extent for me."
Silence ensues in the room, Cora shifts her head sideways, avoiding my gaze, I start to hear small muffles of cries from her, I want to hug her and tell her to stop crying but heck, I'm also a crying mess too.
"Shit, I'm sorry I made this about me, I..."
"It's fine, Cora, I'm glad we're having this moment together before you leave."
"Right." She sniffles and stifle back more cries."I can't get used to it too, Frederick do punish us for breaking a plate so I totally get where you're coming from."
"How do we solve our messed up brain, It's so annoying to self sabotage myself every time."
Her body stiffens against me, Cora slowly turns to me immediately, her face holding a confused expression.
"I found out he was with another woman, and I flared up, it was so fucking embarrassing, I know all of this is a sham but why the hell was I thinking maybe I'm not good enough for him? It's not as if I even want something to ensue between us."
"It's not even up to a day yet? I mean, the wedding." Cora scoffs in anger.
"He has every right to do whatever he wants, I'm grateful that he's housing me already, please, don't make this worse or make me feel special than this."
Cora makes an attempt to say something but I shake my head immediately.
This conversation won't probably go anywhere.
"I will go outside and have some fresh air." She finally mumbles in a knowing tone, I heave in relief, Cora knows I definitely need enough time for myself right now and I can't handle more of her pep talks.
I watch her leave and retire slowly to the bed, dipping my head into the soft pillow, I shut my eyes close, reminiscing about the day's event, how I was so happy going for a drive with Cora until we collided into a truck.
My train of thought snaps immediately I hear the door make some creaks, opening my eyes, I see Rafael walk into the room.
His face is drained and he looks so white, as if life has been drawn out from him, he doesn't seem exhausted from office work but something deeper.
I fist my sheets against the bed immediately, fighting the urge to ask him what's wrong because our relationship isn't stretched to that extent so I let him settle himself on the seat quietly while he dip his hand into his hair, ruffling the already tussled curls.
"Don't tell me you are feeling guilty for..." I try making a joke to diffuse the choked atmosphere but he raises a finger in protest.
I clamp my mouth shut, blaming myself for trying to crack an unfunny joke out of this situation, this man is literally spent.
"Sorry."I mumble, pushing the two pillows on the bed up, I shove them behind me for support and surprisingly,it feels so much better than me lying on my back earlier.
Lowering my head on my lap that's covered with sheets, I do everything to avoid his gaze but Rafael grunts softly and clears his throat.
"So..." He draws, sucking a greedy amount of air in his lungs and I suddenly feel parched.
"I'm just going to say a bunch of things and I need you to listen to me without saying a word." He says in a tired tone that doesn't depict authority."Please." Rafael adds, causing me to raise my head up at him.
We lock eyes for a moment but he suddenly drops his head to his laps as well, his hands are wrapped with some bandages stained in blood.
Jesus, did he hurt himself?
"I hate my brother, and we don't...we don't have a good relationship. I know it's fucking messed up but I don't need to tell you how messed up it is, you probably learnt a fragment of how dysfunctional family through your stay with us."
My mind travels back to when I was still with the Rollers, I didn't know that Frederick had two sons until I stumbled on a family portrait which includes Frederick, His wife, Baxter, the first son and Rafael who looks so much like his Mom.
Baxter has always been absent from the family, I've only seen him thrice, during the funeral, and two other times that he came to see Frederick which ended up with them shouting and yelling at each other over some issues I don't know of.
"He came to my office today, and he found out that I did some shit to Dad's company which caused him to go bankrupt, I won't go into that details with you." He shakes his head immediately, giving me a soft look.
I nod in agreement, I don't need to know about the things he did, I'm just glad he's trying to make Frederick go away–completely.
"All you need to know is that he's on my neck right now and he's already sued me in court."
An involuntary gasp escapes my throat, Baxter is suing his own brother to court? Did I just witness things get more messier?
Oh,God!
"Rafael,I..."
"Please don't say anything, I just need to make this thing go away as soon as possible and I need your help with it." He cut me off in a sharp tone, his hand shakes a bit but he quickly wraps them against each other.
I know he's trying to shake off the fact that he's getting into a war with his own brother isn't making him crumble but I also understand why he's not getting emotional around me.
I'm not on his side, technically. He's just doing what I'm in support of and I'm only trying to protect myself.
"He doesn't know about you, but I want him to, so, we will be publicizing our wedding and we will have a large party, I need you to start taking your wife's roles seriously so we can get over this and move on to our separate lives." He adds more emphasis on the last words, my chest thumps against my ribs in a little harsh way and I feel more pathetic.
Right, this is how everything should be, it should be strictly professional so we can end it as soon as possible.
"Right, I will do that, just let me...heal first." I mumble, pointing to my bandaged waist.
"Sure." He mumbles, for some minutes, we both bask in silence, different thoughts running in my head, I wonder if he's freaking out about this the way I am.
"I'm leaving. I don't know if I will be here tomorrow,so..." He presses his lips into a tight smile.
"It's totally fine, you've done enough and I'm grateful. I can definitely manage myself....thank you." I nod, my throat suddenly constricts in hardness, I swallow down nothing and keep my head low until I feel him get up the chair.
"And...Kimberly." Rafael suddenly calls, I look up to him slowly, he's already a few steps away from me.
"Uhmmm...can you please just try to..." He trails off and slips his hand into his pockets. "love yourself more, I think you need it."
Thank you for reading, this is quite a long chapter, and we will be over this heavy phase soon, thanks so much for staying here.
I'm grateful for the gift of you guys.