Chapter 30 Memories
LISA
My phone pinged with an incoming call and I tensed, dread washing over me.
It's been a couple of days since it happened with Axel, five days to be precise and I've spent every second of the five days remembering every little detail of the sex, except that wasn't sex, it was hard brutal fucking at its finest. The memories of Axel's hands, his thrusts and fingers, and his tongue were still doing a good job of tethering me over the edge even though he wasn't physically present. I've never really explored what I loved or wanted in the bedroom, with Ben, the only guy I've ever been with, it has always been sweet sensual, and slow lovemaking, he had never really taken it hard on me because he didn't want to treat me like a slut while we made love, he never even whispered dirty words to me except sweet words and he always holds me as if I was a fragile breakable thing, he treated me with reverent in the bedroom even more than he did outside because he didn't want to hurt me or break me.
But guess who hurt and broke me in ways I'd never recover from? No one but him.
Axel apparently didn't care about that, he hated my guts and he fucked me exactly like that, each thrust a punishment to remind me who we were and where exactly we stood.
I loved it, I loved every minute of it. I've not been with many guys to compare but Axel really lived up to the reputation that had always preceded him. No wonder girls were always dying to get into his pants because now that I've had a taste, it was nowhere near enough, I wanted him again and again and again but also, I knew I'd never stand low to have sex with him again.
Yet, that didn't stop me from touching myself every time I remember how roughly and brutally he had fucked me. I just couldn't help it, couldn't help the strong arousal I always feel every time I remember, couldn't help my core pulsing and arching, couldn't help that I can only subsidize my arousal and get myself off by touching myself to the thought of Axel's fingers on my most sensitive part. It was nowhere near enough, it didn't even compare to the pleasure Axel had wrecked in my body but I had to settle for less, and for the first time, I was greatly displeased with my fingers and toys.
Now that I've been with Axel, they were nowhere near good again.
And just like I've been reliving the sex escapade every minute, I've been living in dread of Angel or my brother calling me from home. I was almost certain they'd find out that I'd completely lost my mind and I not only willingly walked into Axel Ivanov's house but I also willingly allowed him to fuck my brains out, to make me beg for my orgasms and to give me six brain shattering orgasms that I could still feel and remember the after-effects till now.
Every time my phone rang, apprehension and dread would wash over me because I was always expecting them to call and this time was no exception, I walked over to my phone with shaky steps and I momentarily relaxed when I saw who it was.
Tricia.
I released a very deep and shaky breath as relief washed over me only for my breathing to become erratic again.
What if Angel and Steff were calling me with Tricia's number because they knew I wouldn't pick up?
What if... What if... So many what-ifs ran through me as I stared at my phone. It stopped ringing and it started ringing again almost immediately and I contemplated not picking up.
In fact, I turned back and was already walking away when a thought crossed my mind.
What if Tricia was in danger and that was why she was calling incessantly?
That was remotely impossible because she had three guards monitoring her, her personal driver and two guards that were always driving another car and monitoring her at a close range so her getting in danger were almost out of it but this was the mafia and our family has made a lot of enemies.
Nothing was that impossible.
It stopped ringing and it started ringing again and I picked it up with a different panic building in me.
"Hey sister," her cherry voice made me relax and I collapsed against my vanity, "what took you so long to reply? I've been in Sweet Tooth for an hour now?"
"You're a sweet tooth?" I asked, standing straight. Sweet Tooth was the most popular place right outside school and Tricia had no business going there because it was even a far cry from where we lived.
"Yes." "Why?"
"I missed you and I stopped by, hurry please before I finish my ice cream."
I was still trying to make sense of her words when she hung up and I removed the phone from my ear to look at the screen. Tricia had never shown up in my school to check up on me and her timing of showing up was... It was just wrong and it fuelled my suspicions even more.
What if Angel made her call me? What if it was just a ploy? But then, I doubted if Tricia would have gone ahead with the plans.
Either way, I only had one way to find out.
A couple of minutes later, I was sitting opposite a beaming Tricia who was busy stuffing her face with ice cream and chocolate cakes.
"You know what sis?" she asked in between mouthfuls, "I've never tasted any sweet tooth recipe before and I feel like I've been missing my whole life, this is utter bliss."
I didn't say anything to that, I just kept staring at her with a little smile forming on my face.
Sometimes, I envied Tricia, I envied the life she was allowed to live. She could live a normal life, well, if you can overlook the fact that she has been wearing a chastity belt since she came of age and guards were watching over her but at least, they weren't watching over her to monitor everything she was doing, they were watching over her to protect her from any danger.
Our childhood and upbringing were complete contrast, while I've always been in the gym or training room or boxing ring, working and training my ass off so I could become my family's most lethal weapon, Tricia spent her days watching YouTube tutorials on how to line eyes properly and apply lipstick so in a way I was jealous of her and sometimes, I tend to dislike her a little bit because of her freedom.
But sometimes we were always once in a blue moon and always fleeting, she was a baby sister that I adored and loved so much so I could only be glad that she wasn't living the kind of life that I was living, one that involves using knives and guns to take people's lives.
I was glad she was able to keep her innocence as much as a girl born into a mafia family could because in the long run, dad was going to marry her off to a mafia capo or don to build diplomatic relationships and that was the best any mafia girl could get.
I wasn't even sure I would get to choose the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, not that I particularly care after Ben walked out of my life. The only thing I cared about right now was getting my jobs done and making Papa proud.
"So how're you? How's home?"
I chuckled despite myself.
"Come on, Angel is not that bad and she's good at her job."
"She's an idiot," she replied immediately, "I'd never understand what Steff saw in her."
"Who knows?" I took a sip of my smoothie, "maybe she gives the best blowjoooo..."
I trailed off but it was too late, Tricia already heard me and her eyes widened with the color red rising in her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," I apologized immediately, "that was too vulgar, right?"
"Well," she shrugged and grinned, "it wouldn't be too vulgar if I was allowed to live as a normal girl."
Trust me, your life is pretty much normal as it is right now.
"So," I leaned over the table and muttered in a suggestive voice, "is there any boy you're seeing?"
She stared at me for a while before she erupted into laughter, "boy? That'd be setting up that boy for death, dad would hesitate to kill a boy that dares to touch me, and besides, what can I possibly do with all these guards always hovering around me?" she gestured around to the guards that were in strategic positions in the cafe. They were dressed casually in tees and trousers, guns tucked away from visible eyes, and not giving anything away about their jobs.
They weren't supposed to bring attention to themselves or the fact that they were protecting Tricia and they were doing a very good job at it.
"I'm growing now and I'm just... I'm just terrified that dad would marry me off to an old man just like most mafia dads do."
Her voice sounded like heartbreak and my heart cut. Truly, there was really not that much difference in the kind of lives we were living. I reached across the table and I clamped my hands over her. She looked up, her eyes widening for a while because she knew I hardly do that.
"Don't think too much about it, dad loves you too much to set you up for a lifetime of sadness, I doubt he'll marry you off to an old man. He'll probably bring a list of suitable suitors and ask you to pick the one you like the most."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" she grinned.
"Trust me, it's not supposed to make you feel bad and besides..." what I was about to say died in my throat immediately I caught the sight of the person making their way into the cafe.
Oh shit.