Chapter 60 Reborn…Again????

Chapter 60 Reborn…Again????
Chapter 60: Reborn…Again?????

That impact with the water didn't feel like a spunge, but like being slapped in the face by a frozen ham. 

Then came the annoying transition. The silver bubbles turned into violet ink, the cold pressure vanished into a weightless vacuum, and that mocking silence returned to wrap around her like a cheap blanket.

"Oh, come on!" Neria’s voice muffled in the void, though she didn't have a throat to speak with. "Is this a joke? Is there a hidden camera? Am I on a celestial prank show? I was in the water for two seconds! Two seconds! I haven't even had time to get pneumonia yet!"

She felt the cosmic tug, the celestial rewind button being smashed by an invisible, clumsy finger.

"I am going to speak to the manager of reincarnation!" she screamed into the purple nothingness. "I demand a different starting point! Stop putting me in the flowers! They’re bad for my sinuses and my general survival rate!"

The world snapped back into focus with the sound of a harp and the smell of expensive dirt.

"Aaaaaah!" Neria bolted upright, feeling her burning lungs as if she’d just swallowed a gallon of river water.

White petals….and green leaves. The arched glass of the greenhouse.

"My Lady? My Lady, please wake up!"

Neria looked to her side. Mina was kneeling there, looking exactly as she had three hours ago, or four days ago, or whatever timeline this was. 

The maid’s face was a picture of habitual worry.

"Mina," Neria said in a flat and dangerously calm voice. "If you tell me I went limp because of the heat, I am going to scream until the glass shatters."

Mina blinked, her mouth seemed to be hanging open. "But... My Lady, you gave me such a fright. You were staring at the lilies and then you just…"

‘So different?’

"I know! I went limp! The heat! It’s a classic!" Neria stood up so fast she nearly knocked the maid over. 

She looked down at her hands. White, soft, unscarred. 

Again... "I am stuck in a time loop. I am a glitch. I am a beautiful, well-dressed bug in the system."

"My Lady, you’re talking very strangely," Mina spoke, standing up and dusting her apron. "Should I call for the physician?"

"If a physician walks through that door, I will pelt him with potting soil," Neria snapped. 

She walked over to a marble pedestal and kicked a pot of lilies. It didn't break, which only made her angrier.

"What day is it, Mina? And don't say Tuesday. If it’s Tuesday, I’m going to retire from living."

"It’s... it’s Tuesday, My Lady. The sun is barely at its peak. Why are you looking at the flowers as if they’ve insulted your lineage?"

"Because they have, Mina! They are complicit in my suffering!" Neria paced the length of the greenhouse, her silk skirts hissing.

"Four days until the banquet? Midnight velvet dress? Sebastian is a sociopath, Alistair is a meat shield with the survival instincts of a lemming, and there’s a dragon egg in the basement that refuses to hatch?"

"Midnight velvet? Yes, but... meat shield? lemming? My Lady, have you been reading those forbidden revolutionary pamphlets again?"

Neria stopped and grabbed Mina by the shoulders. 

"Listen to me very carefully. We are skipping the dialogue. We are skipping the character development. We are going straight to the heist."

"The heist? My Lady, we have a fitting!"

"Screw the fitting! The dress is cursed! Every time I wear silk, I end up as ash or fish food!" 

Neria let go of the maid and began marching toward the exit.

"Mina, go to the stables. Tell the groom I need the stallion. No, tell him I need the fastest horse we own, even if it’s a donkey with a rocket strapped to its back."

"A rocket? What is a rocket?"

"Never mind! Just get the horse! And find me that charcoal cloak! The one from the laundry! I know exactly where it is this time, so don't tell me we don't have one!"

"But the Duke-"

"The Duke is busy being an atmospheric background thing!" Neria shouted over her shoulder. 

"I have exactly twenty minutes to get to the palace before Alistair starts his shift, and I am not losing my window because of a fitting!"

She burst out of the greenhouse and headed for the mansion.

"Okay, universe," she muttered. "Third time's the charm. Or the curse. Probably the curse. If Alistair dies in the first ten seconds this time, I am going to resurrect him myself just so I can kill him for being incompetent."

She reached her room and began tearing through her jewelry box.

"Jewelry! Right! Lesson learned!" She stuffed a handful of emerald necklaces into her bodice. 

"Fugitive on a budget? Not today. I’m going to be the most well-funded runaway in the history. If I have to jump in that river again, at least the weight of the gold will make me sink faster so I don't have to endure the freezing cold."

Mina ran in, breathless, holding the grey cloak. "I found it! But My Lady, the head groom says the stallion has a tossed shoe. You’ll have to take the mare."

"The mare? The one that gets spooked by its own shadow?" Neria groaned, snatching the cloak. "Fine. Perfect. A coward horse for a coward timeline. It fits the theme."

"Where are you going in such a hurry? You haven't even had your tea!"

"Tea is for people who aren't about to steal a primordial deity, Mina!" Neria threw the cloak over her shoulders and checked her reflection. 

Green eyes and brown hair. "I look like a protagonist who has had enough of everyone’s nonsense. Good."

She turned to the door, then paused and looked back at the maid.

"Mina?"

"Yes, My Lady?"

"If a guy named Sebastian comes by and asks about the treasury, tell him I spent it all on therapy. He won't know what it means, but it’ll keep him busy for an hour."

"Therapy? Is that a type of lace?"

"Sure, Mina. It’s the most expensive lace in the world."

Neria ran down the stairs, her heart was pounding like running tiger’s. She felt a strange sense of deja vu, but stronger. Weird!

She knew the guards, she knew the locks, and she knew that Alistair was currently leaning against a pillar thinking about his tragic backstory.

"Round three, boys," she whispered as she mounted the mare. "Try to keep up. I’ve already seen the credits twice, and I’m looking for the secret ending."

Neria kicked the horse into a gallop, the wind whipping her hair.

"And Pip?" There was a mutter to the empty air. "If you don't hatch this time, I’m using your shell as a soup bowl. I’m serious. I’ve died twice for you. The least you can do is show some skin. Or scales. Whatever."

As the palace towers appeared on the horizon, Neria narrowed her eyes.

"Alistair, you better be standing at that gate," she hissed. "And you better stay alive for at least forty-five minutes. I’ve got emeralds in my bra and a dragon in my pocket, and I am not in the mood for a funeral."