Five Months Later.
She drove peacefully into the mansion and sighed, leaving alone was both good and bad. She loved the solace, the peace of knowing she lived alone and there was no one to disturb her when she had ordered that no one should. There was no one to say that she had to eat dinner and no Mom to tell her that she had come out of that room. The first two months after her separation with Jack even though they were still yet to sign the divorce papers because both their mothers thought they could get things back on track were the most painful two months of her life. And then she was blessed, and she knew she had a reason to live. A reason to be happy and something to keep her sanity safe for.
She placed her hand on her slightly bumped belly that if not you're being told, no one would realize it was there. And thank god for winter, she wore her jackets and that made it nonexistent to people’s eyes. But she knew it was there, she loved it with each beat of her heart. She was still yet to hate the father, but she loved the child with everything she had ever owned in her entire life. No one knew except Maya, and that was because at first, she thought of aborting it, to severe the remaining ties she had with Jack, but Maya stopped. And while she protested, she remembered what Dad wrote for her and she knew that she couldn’t. Even that was due to how clueless she felt and how painful everything was for her.
But now, she couldn’t be more thankful for the life she had. The company was in order because she was now being termed as ‘Workaholic Anna Brayden’. Her life was in place because she had no more place left for romance or any chance left for her to give men. She was done with that and all she waited was for the child she carried to come into this world so she would shift her new world to accommodate him or her. She walked down from the car with her working bag and stared up at the sky that rained of ice flakes. She smiled and caught some of the snowflakes before she crushed them in her palms.
There were times that she wished she could have these snowflakes to be taken to her heart so that it could make her feel less of the pain she felt. But now she was numb, devoid of all the emotions the old Anna Brayden used to feel. She walked into the new mansion she lived, alone, with no one but herself and the room she was slowly building and organizing for her child. She walked into the house and turned some of the lights on, she couldn't even remember the last time she had seen the house full light on, she loved the darkness, because it was the exact shade of her frail heart.
She smiled when she placed her hand on her stomach, “Hey, Baby. We’re back home, what do you think we should eat tonight?” She walked directly to her room and after she took off her jacket, Anna stared at the bump that peaked through her shirt and she giggled excitedly. “You’re gradually growing, aren’t you? You’re close to six months, but please this growth shouldn't be something we can't hide anymore, okay?” She laughed, and somehow she could hear his reply even though she knew if she told her doctor that she could sense the reply of her child he would advise that she got a therapy and maybe she should stop being alone. So, she had to just keep this secret to herself, because even Maya would say the same.
She stripped off her clothes and walked into the bathroom. Night showers were always the best, with the hot water gliding through every nook and cranny of her body and sometimes she wished she had forgotten about how he used to touch her, how lovely and wild it felt. But one thing she consulted her therapist about how she remembered him, and she told her that meant she was human. That meant that somehow in her heart she was still alive. And she loved the idea of still being alive even though in her heart she felt that sometimes the coldness was almost unbearable for her. Sometimes she felt it to her bones and her whole body went pale, but then when she remembered her child, she melted herself for him or her because she didn’t want him or her to have a heart like hers.
She came out of the bathroom and was in the kitchen making dinner for herself when Maya’s call came through and she smiled before she slid the answer button, “Hey, darling.” She said excitedly, she knew that Maya was smiling through because she loved being called darling. That was why she fell in love with her current boyfriend because the first thing he referred to her as when they were nothing but total strangers was ‘Darling’.
“I've missed both you and my baby, Anna. How have you been today? Did it move?” She asked with a tone that showed her true love for the two of them and Anna felt overwhelmed. There were times that she wished she could have someone by her side, someone that would tell her not to do this or that because she was carrying a child, a perfect father figure for her side but she didn’t. But whenever Maya called, which was nearly every day, she forgot about that loneliness and rather, enjoyed the warmth it provided.
She smiled, “We’re both fine, Aunt Maya, not stressed like we were yesterday. And by the way, I can hear you being kissed lovingly from the other side.” She threw her head back and laughed, even though she was sure if someone saw her he or she would know that her eyes still accommodated an unexplainable amount of sadness. Briskly, she stared at the finger that used to have the ring she had taken off and realized it was even looking healthier now, perks of being in a toxic relationship. That sick thought made her chuckle and Maya’s reaction burst a chortle out of her chest.
❦
He was firmly holding Willa as Mom held her baby as they walked out of the court room. She looked sad, worn out even but still, there was a triumphant smile on her lips. None of them said a word to each other as they both had different thoughts rummaging through their brains. Jack drove them home directly and he helped Willa to her room while a sad Mom handed the baby to a maid that followed them. It was a girl, a very beautiful one that Jack fell in love with at first glance. The maid dropped the Nina on her crib before she excused herself and Jack sat down on the bed beside Willa, how she leaned her back on the bed head was enough to show how tired she was.
“I'm glad we won the case, Jack...” Her eyes were fixed on the baby crib and where Nina peacefully slept. “I'm glad that I've finally walked out of my toxic marriage, but I don’t want Nina to grow up without a father figure fully active in her life. It’s making sad and I think that the decision I made is bad.”
He took a hold of her hand, “You’re wrong, Willa. What you did was right and the best thing you could ever give her than just having an active father in her life. You don't deserve him, and Nina will appreciate it more if she grows up with a happy you than grow up with a sad and depressed mother because of what her Dad does, don't you think?”
She had her face now facing him before she nodded her head with a slow smile on her lips. “You’ve always been a source of comfort to me, Jack. There are things that I'm certain if not because you’re by my side, I wouldn’t have gotten the strength to do them. I wish you could mend whatever is it that happened between you and Anna, she’s a good one.” His eyes bulged out, because since when Mom said they couldn't divorce even if they wanted to unless it was five years, no one has ever spoken to him about Anna until today. Willa continued, “I'm sure whatever happened is about Clara, and if I were to advice Anna on what to do with her life, I'd tell her to do exactly what she's done now. But I don’t want you to lose a good woman while you’re trying to chase someone that isn’t...” He looked displeased, and she palmed his both cheek.
“I don't want you to regret all your decisions, Jack. Go, just think about to. If you know that what happened between the two of you could be mended, do that. If not, do what fits you best. I only need one favor from you, please don’t be the reason of another woman’s agony, Jack.”
❦
All that Willa had said to him was the only thing that played back in his head as he drove home. Home, not where he used to live with Anna. Home, not where he was going to walk into the house and have Anna dancing slowly to a song as she cooked him dinner. Home, not where Anna was going to smile at him, kiss him, cuddle next to him. Home, to Clara that he didn't know what he felt for anymore.
He missed Anna, with each breath he took and each move of his body. These five months were the hardest months of his life and he didn’t even know how he had lived through the agony of her loss in his life. He wanted to feel her body against his, hug her and fill all the empty places her absence carved in his soul. But he knew he had lost that chance. It was hard pulling himself out of the car and he walked into the house with a dark soul that needed either a good sleep or a strong whiskey to forget him of all that he felt.
Clara wasn’t in the living room and she told him that she wasn’t going anywhere when he told her he might likely come back late today. But it happened that he didn’t have enough energy to go back to the company about the court sitting, he needed some closure. He walked to the kitchen and she wasn’t there as well. His room was empty and when he approached hers, he could hear moans, sounds of something being hit regularly and he knew there was no way it was what he was thinking it was. Maybe she was watching a pornographic video even though he had never caught her watching one.
He opened the doorknob and even before he entered, he saw their bodies, merged into one as they made love in the wildest way he had never imagined making love to a woman in his life. He just stood there frozen to his spot and he didn’t know how long it took before they noticed his presence in the room, and when the guy lifted his face up, that was the most shocking revelation of his life. “Henry...” His words nearly got choked in his throat and they all got frozen. He had to clean his eyes as though what he saw wasn't the real thing in front of him.
Clara was looking shocked too, and Jack stood away from the door and he pointed at the door, “I need you to leave, Henry.” He clenched his eyes shut until they both got fully dressed and he felt the way Henry got out of the room with his eyes shut. When he opened his eyes, Clara was walking toward the door when he closed it and stared into her face, “Where do you think you are going? I think we need to talk, Clara.”