Chapter 28 Can you?
"But I'm at a pivotal moment, I should be able to catch up! Instead I'm lying here like a fool... waiting for who knows what while watching other people race to win the championship out there."
"No one is falling behind. What are you behind on? yeah, let's forget about your homework being a mess, but... I don't think you're behind on your career."
Chris leered, he looked frustrated. There was an agitated sigh, then he groaned softly and covered his forehead with his wrist as he closed his eyes.
There's no difference between my thoughts and Chris's right now. With the nonsense I said just now, I was lying to myself. Of course, I wasn't completely calm when I gave that advice. I felt the same anxiety about Chris.
I just didn't want to add to Chris' anxiety and confusion, being tough even if you have to lie is better than being honest and showing your weak side when you're supposed to be someone's emotional shield.
"The race is next week, and if this body still can't adapt then I'll be even further behind, damn it."
From the way Chris speaks, it's not like he's cursing or scolding someone else. He was monologuing, grumbling, blaming himself.
Again.
Blaming himself again.
Why did he seem to like blaming himself so much?
"Hey, you're not more than 32 points behind first place now. You just have to focus on your current condition. A few more races and if you're really fit then the lag is not a problem."
"It's not a problem? There's no telling how the car or the engineer will perform, and at that point I'm already behind by so many points!"
Chris raised his voice, this time he did look angry. I was pretty incensed, but then again I saw him in this state. Oh come on, is it my fault that I have to be scolded? I just voiced a calming phrase to him.
"Hey, why are you being quiet?"
After a few minutes passed, we were indeed silent. Ever since Chris raised his voice earlier, I just stayed quiet and didn't answer anything. There was no further conversation, hell if I was considered childish, I just wanted Chris to think that not all the bad things in his mind should be ignored.
"Tsk, are you suddenly mute?"
I don't know why I'm tickled. Calm down Rachel, don't embarrass yourself by suddenly laughing at a joke you made up in your head. You have to show that you're really angry with Chris.
"You're going to ignore someone who's sick? Where's your concern? Can't you see I'm sick like this?"
I snorted long and quietly, then turned to him and gave him a flat look. "Oh yeah? I guess you didn't realise you were sick. So stop filling your mind with ambition to chase points or whatever. Get some rest and don't say any more stupid things."
I then looked away again, keeping my eyes away from Chris. I honestly couldn't bear to look at him, but I had to scold him so that he could use his head more clearly.
It was quiet, but this silence was suspicious.
I glanced through my tail for a moment, and what happened in the next second was that I was shocked. What the hell is that smirk on his face?
"Why are you smiling like a fool?" I asked sarcastically.
"Oh... it's nothing. Just happy," Chris replied briefly. Still smiling. "I see you're angry because you're worried about my condition? Thank you for your concern."
Oh no, it turns out that he even caught my intention like that.
Hm, actually not wrong. She's not wrong.
But, it was her response that was wrong. How ridiculous.
"Stop being stupid before I break your hand."
"Hey hey hey, if I break my hand then I can't drive anymore. You'll be even more worried about me--"
"Shut up! What a pain in the arse!"
I hit Chris's annoying face with a pillow. A stupid childlike fight broke out there, filling the originally quiet room with simple laughter and annoyance.
Was that how Chris was able to forget about the exhaustion he was feeling, forget about the career demands he had made in his mind, forget about the guilt of having to take a break?
After much joking around, we found ourselves lost in our own thoughts. Chris closed his eyes, just closed, I knew he wasn't sleeping. As for me, I leaned my head and shoulders next to his bed while looking at his face which seemed to be feeling calmer.
Calm, or pretending to be calm?
"If I wasn't the current Chris De Luca, would you still care about me?"
I was stunned, going deeper into my mixed feelings. This boy's mood is very changeable,
"What's wrong with that question?" I asked back.
There was a moment of silence, Chris didn't change anything even in the rhythm of his breathing. I smiled softly, I reached for his fingertips, touching slightly like it was a delicate dandelion.
"It turns out that a Chris De Luca who is revered and admired by people for his toughness can also be melancholy like this? How funny," I said in an amused tone. "I don't know, I don't know what your ambiguous question means. But you know, we have to look at things straight ahead. Don't you drive like that too?"
Chris was still silent, staring at the ceiling of the room like a statue. Probably listening.
"You drive and look in the mirrors every now and then, but does looking in the mirrors and thinking about what happened on the previous corner change things? No, it doesn't. You keep going forward, maintaining and trying to reach the next lap. So it is with our lives."
"Tsk, why are you being so poetic like this? I don't need poetry right now," Chris said.
Either holding back embarrassment or something, he was suddenly about to turn his body to face me. However, what happened next was that he winced in pain. I swiftly restrained his body and returned him to his original position.
"Don't move too much, you're injured. Did the doctor not tell you?"
"Stop mumbling, you're making my arm hurt more."
I just shook my head lightly and smiled.
"Then be quiet, don't talk too much or do stupid things. I'll be here to help you."
Chris looked at me with a look that I couldn't predict. "Alright, and promise not to leave me no matter what."