YOU LOVE ME
Bella:
“What the hell were you thinking?” I yelled, pacing the room while Ryder sat calmly on the bed.
His calm attitude was driving me insane. I couldn’t understand this obsession with his mother that he couldn’t let go of. I loved my father, but I had learned to deal with it—he was too attached.
“Bella,” he called out calmly, but I wasn’t listening. “Bella, you’re not even listening to me.”
“Listening to what exactly? I get it—she betrayed you. But was it worth beating an innocent kid? You’re seventeen! A year away from being an adult, and you could have gone to jail! We were in a different pack, Ryder, and anything could have happened!” I screamed, veins bulging in my neck.
“And why does that bother you so much? You wouldn’t be going to jail with me or getting into trouble.”
I glanced at him, scoffing, then walked over to a table and leaned on it, pressing my palm to my forehead. This was more draining than I’d imagined.
“It doesn’t bother me at all,” I said in a calm voice, trying to distract myself from the storm of voices in my head.
I’d been upset all day because I wanted him to talk to me, but he seemed entirely comfortable ignoring me. Too comfortable—so much that throwing punches seemed like the solution to him.
“Then why do you act like you care? Why are you making a fuss about it?” His voice rose, thick with anger.
“Because your father asked me to babysit your grown ass! I don’t even know why I’m here. You’re older than I am, you hate me, so why am I the one fixing your mess? I hate everything and everyone! I’m the hated one, yet you all want me to fix everything. Get off my dick!”
The rage spilled out before I could stop it. My body had carried this frustration without my knowing, and releasing it felt both relieving and awful.
We were young and foolish, but he seemed to make worse decisions than I did—and he was supposed to lead the pack one day.
A long silence followed. Ryder said nothing, only stared at me. I scoffed, walked to the bed, sat down, and buried my head in my palms.
“Bella,” he called softly, but I didn’t respond.
After a while, I felt his imposing figure in front of me. I refused to look up. He crouched, and I turned my face away. He took a deep breath.
“I do not hate you, Bella.”
I pushed him away, standing to my feet.
“Don’t preach to me now, Ryder. Your actions speak for themselves, and—”
“I asked my father to force you on this trip!”
The words hit me like a punch, and I froze, my eyes glued to his.
He began yelling, the intensity raw and trembling.
“You can judge me for being selfish! Judge me for putting you through all this, but I don’t even know why I do anything! It’s like I’ve lost myself! All I can think of is you! But you could never love me—not with everything I’ve done to you—and you’ve done nothing but show me kindness. You think that doesn’t tear my soul apart? When I knew you were my mate, I cursed the Moon Goddess…”
He stopped yelling, swallowing the lump in his throat.
“I wanted you badly on this trip. I craved to be with you, Bella—to hold you—but…”
“I didn’t turn out to be the kind of girl you expected?” I cut in, intensifying my gaze. “You didn’t expect me to be untouched, and now you regret being on this trip with me.”
He said nothing. I turned to walk away.
“I thought as much,” I muttered.
“Then you thought wrong,” he called after me, stopping me in my tracks. “I wish it were true, because then there wouldn’t be this stupid urge in me.”
“All you’ve done is bring me peace, Bella. Sometimes I don’t even understand why you were given to me.” He closed the space between us.
“The thought of you haunts me. Every day I try to be better because of you. I think of you constantly, and just your thought makes me happy. I can barely control myself around you, and maybe if you had stopped to look at me tonight, you’d know how much I craved your comfort.”
His words softened my heart. This was what I had longed for, though I had been in denial. But I wouldn’t give in—not yet.
“Yes, I didn’t know you were a virgin, but that’s the least of the reasons I stopped. I couldn’t bring myself to be the first person to ever have you. I know myself—I didn’t feel worthy of you, despite loving you.”
I turned to face him, and he didn’t look away.
“You… you love me?” I stuttered.
He scoffed.
“I’ve tried to tell myself I don’t. I convinced myself to hate you, blaming your mother for everything my own mother did. I tried to hate you, but it didn’t work—not once. As kids, I always looked forward to your visits. I hated myself because thoughts of you consumed me even then. When I heard you were moving in with me, I feared losing everything, and the only way I thought I could cope was by being rude to you. Maybe that’s why the Moon Goddess paired us—it was my only chance to ever have you, and…”