Chapter 94 Spreading The News
Crew's POV,
I told David first, at our regular Thursday morning meeting at the diner near the arena.
He was halfway through his eggs when I said, "Harper's pregnant."
His fork stopped midair. "Come again?"
"Harper. My wife. She's pregnant. We're having a baby."
David set down his fork carefully. "Holy shit. Congratulations. How far along?"
"Not sure yet. She just took the test yesterday. Maybe six weeks? We have a doctor's appointment scheduled for next week." I pushed my pancakes around my plate. "I'm terrified."
"Of course you are. Every new parent is terrified."
"But I'm six months sober. That's nothing. What if I can't handle the stress? What if I relapse?"
"Then you get back up and try again. But Crew, having a baby doesn't mean you're going to relapse. It means you have even more reason to stay sober."
"Or more pressure that could trigger using."
David leaned forward. "Listen to me. I had my first kid eighteen months into recovery. My second at three years. Both times I was convinced I'd relapse under the stress. You know what actually happened?"
"What?"
"I stayed sober because I had to. Because my kids needed me present. Because being a dad in recovery is better than being a dad who's using." He picked up his coffee. "It's not easy. There were nights I wanted to use so bad I could taste it. But I didn't. Because the alternative was worse."
"What if I'm not as strong as you?"
"You're plenty strong. You turned down three million dollars to stay honest about recovery. You built a grant fund to help other athletes. You show up every day and do the work." He smiled. "You're going to be a good dad. Even if you don't believe it yet."
After breakfast, I drove to practice feeling slightly less like I was about to ruin three lives.
Marcus caught me in the locker room. "You look weird. Good weird. What's going on?"
"Harper's pregnant."
"Holy shit!" He clapped me on the shoulder. "That's huge. Congratulations, man. How do you feel?"
"Terrified and excited in equal measure."
"That's parenthood in a nutshell. Wait until she's actually here. Then it's terrified, excited, and exhausted."
"You're really selling this experience."
"It's the best thing you'll ever do. Even when it's the hardest thing you'll ever do." He grabbed his stick. "You tell the team yet?"
"No. Waiting until after the first trimester. Don't want to jinx it."
"Smart. But Crew, when you do tell them—they're going to be happy for you. This team's your family. They want good things for you."
Practice was normal. No one knew yet, which meant I could pretend my life wasn't about to fundamentally change. Just hockey. Just skating. Just the comfortable routine I'd known for years.
Except now that routine had an expiration date. Once the baby came, everything would be different.
That thought should have been terrifying. Somehow it felt right instead.
\---
That evening, Harper called her mom on speaker phone while I sat next to her on the couch providing moral support.
"Hi honey," Susan answered. "Everything okay? You don't usually call on Thursdays."
"Everything's fine. Great, actually. I have news." Harper took a breath. "Mom, I'm pregnant."
Silence. Then: "You're what?"
"Pregnant. About six weeks along. Due in June."
"Oh my god. Oh my god, Harper. That's—are you happy? Is this what you wanted?"
"We weren't trying. But yes. I'm happy. Scared out of my mind, but happy."
"And Crew? How does he feel?"
I leaned toward the phone. "Hi Susan. I'm here. And I'm also scared out of my mind but happy."
Susan laughed, voice thick with emotion. "I'm going to be a grandmother. I can't believe it. My baby is having a baby."
"Your baby is thirty years old and married, Mom. This was bound to happen eventually."
"I know but—oh honey, I'm so happy for you. For both of you." She paused. "Have you told Diane yet?"
"That's next. Wanted to tell you first."
"Good. She's going to lose her mind. In the best way." Another pause. "Harper, can I fly out next month? I want to be there for the first ultrasound if that's okay."
Harper's eyes got wet. "Yeah. I'd really like that."
After we hung up, Harper wiped her face. "She's excited."
"She's going to be the best grandmother."
"She's going to be overbearing and overprotective and constantly worried I'm doing everything wrong."
"So the best grandmother. Got it."
Next, I called my mom. She answered on the second ring, sounding breathless like she'd run to the phone.
"Crew! Is everything okay? You never call on Thursdays."
"Everything's great. I have news. Can you sit down?"
"Oh god, what happened? Did you get hurt? Are you in trouble?"
"Mom, nothing bad happened. Just sit down."
I heard shuffling, then: "Okay. I'm sitting. What's going on?"
"Harper's pregnant. We're having a baby. You're going to be a grandmother."
Complete silence.
Then my mom made a sound that was half laugh, half sob. "You're serious?"
"Completely serious. She's about six weeks along. Due in June."
"Oh sweetheart. Oh my god. I'm so happy. So incredibly happy." She was full-on crying now. "How's Harper? Is she feeling okay? Morning sickness yet?"
Harper leaned toward the phone. "Hi Diane. I'm good so far. A little tired but nothing major."
"Harper! Oh honey, congratulations. You're going to be an amazing mother." More crying. "I'm booking a flight. When's the first ultrasound? I want to be there."
"In two weeks. But you don't have to—"
"I'm coming. I missed Crew's childhood milestones while working. I'm not missing my grandchild's." She paused. "Crew, are you okay? How are you handling this?"
"I'm good, Mom. Scared but good."
"You're allowed to be scared. Being a parent is terrifying. But you're going to be wonderful at it. You're kind and patient and you've been through so much. This baby is lucky to have you."
After she hung up, Harper leaned against me. "Both our moms want to fly out for the ultrasound."
"That's going to be chaotic."
"That's going to be family."
\---
The next day, Harper told Maya in person at lunch.
I knew this because Maya immediately started blowing up my phone with texts.
HARPER IS PREGNANT
CREW LAWSON YOU PUT A BABY IN MY BEST FRIEND
I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT
This is the best news since you got Groundwork deal
Actually better than Groundwork deal
When can I tell people? Can I post on Instagram? I want to brag about this
I replied: Let us get through first trimester first. Then you can tell everyone.
FINE but I'm planning the baby shower now
Also buying adorable baby Canucks gear
Your child is going to be the most stylish infant in Vancouver
That evening, Maya showed up at our apartment with a bag from the baby store.
"I couldn't help myself," she said, dumping the contents on our coffee table. Tiny onesies that said "Future All-Star" and "My Dad Plays Hockey" and "Mommy's Little Champion."
"Maya, we're six weeks pregnant. The baby doesn't need clothes yet," Harper said, but she was smiling.
"The baby doesn't need clothes but I need to buy adorable things. Let me have this." She held up a onesie the size of my hand. "Look how tiny this is. Your baby is going to wear this. That's insane."
"We don't even know if it's a boy or girl yet."
"Doesn't matter. These are gender neutral. I was very careful." She sat on the couch. "Okay but seriously, how are you feeling? Both of you?"
"Terrified," I admitted.
"Exhausted," Harper added. "But good. It feels right even though the timing is terrible."
"Timing is always terrible for babies. That's why they're called surprises." Maya pulled out her phone. "I already started a registry for you. Just suggestions. You can modify whatever you want."
Harper took the phone, scrolled through. "Maya, there are three hundred items on here."
"Babies need a lot of stuff! Cribs, strollers, car seats, bottles, diapers—"
"We have eight months to acquire stuff."
"Right but if we start now, people can buy things gradually instead of all at once. I'm being strategic."
I looked at the registry. Maya had categorized everything by priority and price point. Of course she had.
"This is very thorough," I said.
"I've been mentally preparing for this since you two got married. I knew it would happen eventually. I just thought you'd wait a year." She grinned. "But this is better. I get to be an aunt sooner."
After Maya left, Harper and I lay in bed scrolling through the registry on her laptop.
"We need all of this?" I asked, looking at items I didn't even recognize. "What the hell is a wipe warmer?"
"It warms the wipes so they're not cold on the baby's skin."
"That's ridiculous. We used cold wipes. Everyone used cold wipes."
"You want to argue with Maya about baby items? Be my guest."
"I'm not arguing with Maya about anything. She's terrifying when she's right."
Harper closed the laptop. "Are you really okay? About all of this?"
"Define okay."
"Not spiraling. Not planning to relapse. Not regretting that this happened."
"I'm not regretting it. And I'm not planning to relapse." I pulled her closer. "But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about handling the stress. About being a good dad while also being a recovering addict. About screwing this up."
"You're not going to screw this up."
"You don't know that."
"I know you. And I know that you show up. Every day. Even when it's hard. That's all parenting is. Showing up." She put my hand on her still-flat stomach. "This baby is lucky to have you."
"This baby doesn't exist yet beyond a cluster of cells."
"This baby is coming whether you're ready or not. So you might as well get used to the idea."
I left my hand on her stomach, trying to imagine a human growing there. Our human. Half me, half Harper. A whole person who would depend on us for everything.
"I'm going to be someone's dad," I said quietly.
"Yes you are."
"That's the most terrifying thing anyone's ever said to me."
"Good. Means you're taking it seriously."
We fell asleep like that, my hand on her stomach, both of us trying to wrap our minds around the reality that in eight months, our family of two would become three.