Chapter 35

Sophia

“Had a good time?” A hushed roar from the dark startled me, and I dropped the shopping bags onto the floor.

I was on my way to the walk-in closet to put away all the things I bought when Kieran’s voice from the shadows astounded me. But it wasn’t his fault that I didn’t turn on the lights when I entered the room and saw him sitting on the bed with his back leaned against the headboard.

“What are you doing there in the dark?”

“Waiting for you.” I heard him say as I continued to do what I intended before he scared me.

Was that a tinge of worry lacing his voice?

I took my time unpacking the clothes I bought, and when I returned to the room, I found Kieran in the same position. Lazily, I strolled towards him and sat at the foot of the bed, not taking my eyes off his.

“Did Clara spill all the dirty little secrets about me you always wanted to know?” Kieran was serious, his facial expression grave, and I couldn’t read a thing from it.

And my heart? My heart sang in delight. It was amazing how quickly things changed; how the man I didn’t want anything to do with became someone I wanted to be one with.

“That was the plan, yes. And I suppose if you didn’t want me asking questions to your secretary, you would have found a way to stop me or forbid Clara from saying anything.” I said significantly, recognizing the blaze in his eyes as it confirmed I was right. “And I hate to disappoint, but I decided I would rather have you trust me with your secrets than poke around.”

His body went rigid as if he expected to hear something entirely different.

“Why would you miss an opportunity like that?” Kieran squinted at me, leaning a bit towards me.

“Because, dear husband, someone has to break the circle and take a leap of faith. We’ve been doing it wrong from the beginning, hating each other, accusing each other. If we want this to work, if we want us to work, we have to do something about it. And I just thought this might be the first step in the right direction.”

In a matter of seconds, Kieran moved swiftly and was sitting beside me, our noses touching. His hand found its place on my neck, shooting waves of pleasure through my body, disturbing the butterflies in my belly, making them go wild. Blood rushed to my cheeks, coloring them red, and my eyes traveled to his lips. They were slightly parted, inviting me to taste them as his warm breath tickled my face. Yes, there was no denying it - Kieran’s effect on me was strong; he made me feel things no other man had before. Ashamed of the vivid images that flashed through my mind, I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes, trying to control myself and extinguish the fire that threatened to consume me.

“You don’t have to feel guilty about what you’re feeling, Sophia.” Kieran’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it rang in my ears like a trumpet. “You are not the only one who feels this way. See?” With his other hand, Kieran led mine and placed it over his crotch. My fingertips met with the hard, growing bulge and I gasped.

Kieran’s fingers traveled up, following an invisible trail to my cheek before he directed my head back straight, forcing me to look him in the eyes. There, in the depths of the dark ocean, I saw a storm, the same storm that had taken over my ships and threatened to sink them deep underwater.

I still wasn’t sure if we could have a future together, not before we resolved the issues from both of our pasts, but suddenly, it didn’t matter to me. All that was important was him and me. No outside world existed, no problems, no fears… there were just two souls that needed each other. There were just Sophia and Kieran.

Without giving much thought or considering the consequences of my actions, I decided to seize the moment, live in it, indulge my desires, and let go. For the first time in my life, I cut all the brakes and did what my instincts told me to do. I leaned forward, and my lips landed on Kieran’s soft ones, molding with them perfectly.

It took a second for him to realize what I did and what the kiss meant, to accept it and respond by digging deeper the pit we fell into. He licked the brim of my lip, and I gasped at the sensation. Kieran used that chance to deepen the kiss. And the next thing I knew was his tongue exploring every corner of my mouth, playing with it. In no time, my mind was lost, and it was pure instinct that moved my body, and I had no say in it.

My hands found the buttons of Kieran’s shirt and started undoing them, while I gave my best to not break the kiss. The soft spot between my thighs was screaming at me to indulge the need for him, and I had to comply.

Unexpectedly, Kieran got a hold of my hands and removed them from their task halfway down the button line. Confused, I focused my foggy eyes on him in a silent question.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice rough and inviting.

But I didn’t answer. I wiggled my hands from his hold and went back to what I was doing, but Kieran stopped me again.

“Aren’t our roles a little reversed here?” I hissed at him, not understanding why he was holding me from getting the release I desperately needed.

He chuckled deeply at my outburst but didn’t let go of my hands. His hold wasn’t strong, though, so I wiggled my hands out again. Anger started boiling in me, suppressing sexual tension that lit up my body like a Christmas tree.

I huffed and moved out of his reach. Disappointment settled and the realization that I was rejected in the worst possible way. I was ready to serve myself on a silver platter and he rejected me!

“God, I can’t believe this…” I muttered and rushed to the bathroom. I needed to be away from him. I needed to give my raging heart a chance to calm down and collect itself. Again.

I couldn’t believe how fast things changed, and they had changed for the worse. At one moment, we were kissing, and at the other, the magic was gone, leaving behind a bitter aftertaste of regret.

For heaven’s sake, wasn’t he the one that threatened I’d be screaming his name in ecstasy? And he wanted me too, just as much as I wanted him. It was pretty clear!

Then what the hell happened?

Heavy legs led me to the bathroom, and I turned on the water, avoiding the mirrors at all costs. I couldn’t look myself in the eyes; disgusted with my own actions tonight.

My hands shook as I tossed my clothes around, letting them fall where they may. Tears stung my eyes, and I couldn’t hold them back. I didn’t want to hold them back. I was about to fall apart because of the man that baffled my thoughts and emotions every single day.

A yelp of despair echoed from the bathroom walls, startling me only for me to realize it came from me. Damn you, Kieran! Damn you!

“Sophia,” Kieran’s hoarse voice surprised me.

I didn’t hear him come in; I didn’t expect him to go after me. Not after discarding me like I was nothing.

Standing naked in front of him, I didn’t fret under his gaze. Surprised by my own shamelessness, I tilted my tear-stained face to look at him. I saw a torn man… a tortured man. And after everything, I still had that urge to comfort him, to give him everything and be his everything! Just how fucked up was I?

“Tell me why I stopped you?” he whispered.

“That one is pretty obvious, don’t you think?”

“No, it’s not.” He roared. “You don’t understand, love.” The word ‘love’ ripped my soul apart. It didn’t sound like teasing anymore. It was sincere and honest, and that hurt even more. “This between us can’t be just about sex. I...” He was struggling to find words for whatever he was trying to say. “I screwed up with you too many times, Sophia. I have to do things right by you this time around.”

Kieran crossed the space that separated us, his eyes locked with mine all along. Once he stood in front of me, his clothes were the only thing between us. He reached up to brush away the tears from my cheeks.

“I can’t lose you over something as superficial as sex.”

“You, idiot.” I couldn’t believe he could be so stupid. “Don’t you get it? I’m not going anywhere. You did worse things to me, and I didn’t leave. If you really think I would leave you for ‘untimely sex,’ you are a bigger fool than I thought.” I sighed in hopelessness. “I’m here to stay,” I proclaimed, hoping it would get through his thick skull. “Just frustrated to no end.” And it earned me a wholehearted laugh that rang off the walls of the spacious bathroom.