Chapter 33

Sophia

We were quiet on the ride home, each occupied with their own thoughts. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Kieran wanted to say something but was holding himself back.

“Are you still angry with me?” I heard him ask as I advanced up the stairs on the way to my room.

“Yes, Kieran. I am angry. You shouldn’t have used my sister to keep me bound here.” I snapped and marched forward, leaving him behind.

I got to the bathroom, took a shower, and did my nightly routine. I came to enjoy pampering myself every night. I used to think lotions, creams, and oils were overrated, but now that I had the means and time, I realized it didn’t matter if those things worked or not; the magic was in the process and the moments I had just for myself.

Returning to the bedroom, I froze in my track. For sure, I didn’t expect to see Kieran standing by the bed, unbuttoning his shirt, but he was there in flesh and blood.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” I hissed.

“Getting ready to sleep?”

“Get out!”

“I have every intention of sleeping next to my wife for the rest of my life, and I don’t see her moving to my room.” He declared and then added: “Yet.”

“You are right about that! I won’t repeat myself, Kieran. Get out.”

But then his stance completely changed; he dropped his hands down, and his shoulders slumped a bit, with the shadow of sadness that hovered above him.

“Please, Sophia. I need you.” My heart broke for the pain that seeped from his words, from every pore of his being, from his eyes…

He looked so vulnerable, so breakable, like any wrong word I’d say could shatter him into a million tiny pieces. He seemed so humanlike, so childlike. He needed comfort and support, and he needed them from me. And I could not deny him. Kieran was quickly becoming my soft spot. Or maybe he always was...

Instead of answering his plea, I nodded my head once in confirmation and got into the bed, not waiting for him. I laid down and pulled the comforter over me, turning away from Kieran. The shuffling I heard meant Kieran continued undressing, and my heart picked up its pace in anticipation. Indeed, in a matter of seconds, the mattress behind me dipped, and he scooted up to me.

When he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him, instead of pushing him away, I nested in his embrace, relishing in the feeling it brought.

“Nora called me earlier,” Kieran whispered, and I lost the ability to move, to even breathe.

I didn’t know what to say to this confession. Was I supposed to say something? I didn’t want to interrupt him, wanting to give him time and space to share however much he wanted, but I also didn’t want to seem too uninterested, so I found his hand rested on my waist and squeezed it.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, Kieran continued: “She cursed me for rejecting ‘my’ child. She threatened and begged, promising heaven and hell if I just took her back.”

A cold fist of fear clenched around my heart, gripping it and crushing it; fear of Kieran saying he accepted her, did as she pleased. But all those fears were chased away when he spoke again: “Nora is a manipulative witch and I can never repent for not seeing it earlier. I was under her spell. I was blinded, and it took me years to see the truth… years during which she was my faithful girlfriend, my best friend, and my sister. She was my everything until I realized it was all pretense.”

He loved her. Kieran truly loved Nora, and she broke his heart. No wonder he acted the way he did towards both Ellie and me. He didn’t trust us, and he had every reason not to. It didn’t justify how he handled matters, nor his cruelty and aggression, but I understood what drove him to act like that.

He wasn’t over Nora, and I doubted he would ever be. Some wounds heal and stop bleeding with time, but the scars that remain never fade away. I knew I would be there for him even if he never asked. This urge to help him, to console and comfort him, was burning inside me, and that fire rushed the tears to my eyes.

Kieran had so much more to say, I felt it. Maybe he didn’t trust me enough to bare himself in front of me completely, but he started to open up, and that was a big step.

Now I had to do the same.

Words were stuck somewhere in my throat, blocked by a silent yelp that wanted to escape but failed miserably.

So, I just shifted in his embrace and turned to face him, surprising him even more when I wrapped my arms around him the same way his were locked around me.

Was I wrong? Was I wrong to give another chance to the man who had hurt me so much in the past? Was I wrong to give one more chance to the man I had little faith in not breaking my heart again?

But it didn’t matter now. Nothing mattered anymore.

Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to let go of the steering wheel and allow the river of the future to take me wherever it may, and I wasn’t going to work against its will.

~ ~ ~

Waking up in Kieran’s arms, hyperaware of his closeness, was worth it. It was so damn worth it, and at that moment I knew I would fight with all I had to make that feeling permanent.

I fought this yearning inside me for too long without even realizing it. It was an unspoken battle in the depths of my being; a girl who had learned to survive the hard way was taking a leap of faith and daring to live the life she had never been brave enough to imagine.

I prayed that this bubble of happiness that engulfed me didn’t burst suddenly like it was made of soap. I prayed for it to last forever.

There was this slight thug in my heart telling me I should be careful because I knew Kieran couldn’t change.

But I didn’t care; I decided to not care. If I was already going to hell with him, I might as well enjoy the ride.